DITTO WHAT LG SAID.

((((H&G)))) from me too

You're very convincing, LG. I understand your advice. It's nice to know the return can be amended if we reconcile.

This is the most convincing part of your argument and it's the reason I originally had for filing separately. I'm not sure why I changed my mind, except for feeling it was right for me to be the better person. So far, I haven't won any points being the better person, so maybe my second thoughts about it are really screwed up.

I think this message might actually penetrate the mile-thick cranium of my tightwad WH.

I will cite you as my "tax account". I just hope he doesn't ask for your name.

Another key point made--I am no longer able to trust any words that come from his mouth. He lied to get my SS# in order to be able to file for divorce. This is what made filing for the divorce such a huge love-buster for me--he deliberately mislead me and played on my helpful nature in order to file for divorce from me. I'm so ashamed that it was so easy for him to do this to me.

(((H&G)))

LG

Thanks, LG. I had forgotten that you are a tax person (CPA?). I should have asked before I opened my big mouth to my MiL. I don't think I'll have any problem taking my offer back. If he doesn't like it, I'll put it on the scale against his lies, cheating, separation, and filing for divorce and see if he then understands why he's not trustworthy or deserving of compassion from me.

H&G:

Yes, I am one of those "tax people". A CPA.

If you need a source, you can reach me at richsteve2005 at yahoo dot com.

He is the one doing all the attacking. Don't be afraid to protect yourself.

(((H&G)))

LG

LG,
As you probably read, I filed married seperate AND claimed kids as dependents (heehee.!! WH cried "I SUPPORTED THEM ALL YEAR", too bad ). Also did NOT itemize (again, heehee)

Q: If I am to understand this correctly, my WH can only take standard deduction of $5800 and his tax bracket jumps up + %?
So if his tax on his income was on the tax table(M file sep) was...for example $9200, does the tax go like this $9200 + the %(whatever it is for filing married seperate). Or is that already incorporated into the tax table

Just hoping it works that way cuz...WH will owe even MORE! Either way Mr. Moneyhungry will have to pay.

THANKS LG

Thanks, LG. I written your email address down, if you'd like to edit it out.

H&G:

It was part of my sig line for a long time. I will edit, however.

LG

Mitzie:

Your WH's tax bracket doesn't change just because he is Married-Filing Seperate. The "breaks" in brackets just come sooner in MFS status vs Joint. The 15% tax bracket starts with taxable income at $16,701 vs $8,351 for MFS.

So, if your WH gross W-2 was say, $75,000. He could deduct from that, $5,800 for the standard deduction, and $3,700 for his personal exemption. Taxable income is $65,500. His tax on that amount as Joint would be $8,994 and as MFS $12,569.

If you two put your income together and put in the kids, and all the other things, the tax might drop WAY down. So, MFS is quite punishing from a tax stand point.

The divorce decree will usually stipulate how the tax filings are supposed to go up to the point of dissolution. You can amend MFS to Joint. You CAN NOT amend Joint to MFS.

If you have alot of income from your job (I am not familar with your sitch), and alot of itemized deductions, than your decree will probably ask to file amended returns to get the refunds back. You can insist on a split of the refund, as well. It is NOT all his.

LG

Another snow day.

I have a pair of lucky snowman socks. Whenever I wear them, the actual snow fall exceeds the forecast amount.

Yesterday, when I left for work (wearing lucky socks), the forecast was for less than 1 inch of snow.

We got 5 inches of snow.

Schools didn't release until it had been snowing for an hour. I left for home an hour later, dumping my 6 remaining students on the principal, who was in the cafeteria with the rest of the students.

My 10 minute drive home took 45 minutes.

By the time I got home, my driveway was impassable. I managed to get my car onto the very end of the driveway but no further.

It took some elementary students 4 hours to get home.

Snow if forecast again for tomorrow. We're supposed to get an inch.

I'm wearing my lucky socks again because I'll do anything for a day off.

I don't know why I like snowdays so much when they've generally proven so hard for me to get through. There's too much time for introspection and too much time spent reading this board.

I'm wondering if I've done everything I can to get my WH back. Logically, I think I have but today this is the hamster in my head, furiously spinning the wheel of my thoughts.

Have I done everything? She has about 50 people on her FB that I haven't notified. Would it do any good to do it now? They are mostly co-workers or people who work under her or students.

I can't notify any of WH's co-workers. I have an injunction prohibiting me from doing anything that damages his employment or even attempting to do anything.

And, if I do expose to more of her FB connections, I wonder what the fall-out will be for me personally? WH is sure to scream bloody hell about it, although he didn't so much the last time--until 2 months later when he said I had NO business contacting her boss. Fat lot of good it did.

So, thoughts? Suggestions? Prayers?

This is the letter I would send:

Plan B, do nothing.

As much as you WANT to, and boy do I understand how much you WANT to, DO NOT DO ANYTHING.

You did everything you could. Don't look back on it now and second guess yourself. I had MANY of these thoughts, and sometimes still do, but I remember what someone said to me once, "That is evil talking into your ear trying to convince you to do something that would harm you." So instead, I pray and ask for clarity. I ask to be kept on the right path. I usually feel a release of those feelings of doubt after that. Know that you are NOT alone. We have all had, and sometimes continue to havem those feelings. Not acting on those feelings is what is BEST for YOU. So KUDOS.

So, now you see why it is so important to find yourself some new hobbies to occupy your mind.

BTW, what "contact" did you have? What set these thoughts into motion?

I haven't had contact with WH. Maybe it's because LG and Mitzie have been posting about filing separately. Maybe it's because I've had too much time on my hands today. Maybe it's knowing that Valentine's Day is less than a week away.

You're right--I need a hobby besides obsessing about WH and OW. Maybe I need to quit reading others' threads and seeing the success they're having with exposure. Maybe I need to see my counselor and get my head focused.

I guess I'll shelve the additional exposure plan. I thought it would make a fine Valentine's Day gift for them.

I put "contact" because it is not only DIRECT contact that you need to worry about. If you figure out where and why you started to have those thoughts, you can learn how to avoid them. Oh yea, V-day is next Monday eh? I almost forgot. Okay, not really. But I didn't think about it like I did last year.

H&G:

You could send roses (without a card) to SkankyHo for V-D. Walk in, pay cash, so you can't be traced. Use another address, not your own..

When she thanks your husband for them, he will say, "What flowers?" And he will think, who is sending YOU folowers?

No, not worth the money... Unless they were dead and shriveled ones...

You have an injunction that YOU can't talk to his employer? You can not tell his employer the truth? Scary that. Throw an injunction at him for the following:

1. Blood test. You have reason to believe that he had SF with a known loose woman, and then he had unprotected SF with you. And you want to have medical proof that HE is NOT infecting you, nor your children, and grandchildren. And not just for STDS, Throw in head lice, the flu, and whatever else is commonly transmitted by trash.

2. Bar him from your home. HE has MOVED OUT. He is not allowed to cross the sidewalk, or curb. If he is picking up DS, he can not enter even the driveway.

3. Contact with your employer. You have reason to beleive that he may tamper with your employer-employee relationship.

4. Something else that sliped my mind. Think about WHY he got an injuction against you, and then hit him in similar spots.

And YES, you did everything you could to save this marriage. You STILL ARE. Plan B doesn't mean you have STOPPED TRYING. It means that the pain that HE CAUSES you in greater than the LOVE that you still have for him, and YOU want to protect that.

If he is gone? Then he is GONE. If he realizes that this D thing isn't going to be sweetness and light, than maybe, he comes home and asks for your forgiveness. Your doingthe right thing.

Tell me ONE THING that he has done to make this right?

Pretty short list I bet.

Compare THAT list to yours.

So, you HAVE done EVERYTHING you should.

The rest is up to him.

(((H&G)))

LG

LG, the injunctions are standard statutory injunctions, applying to both parties upon filing of a petition for divorce. This is a state law. It says "Neither party has asked for these injunctions, or stated any reason why they are necessary".

Both parties are restrained and enjoined from:
1. Transferring, assigning, borrowing against, concealing or in any way dissipating or disposing of, without the consent of the other party or an order of the court, any marital property.

2. This part is long, but basically neither of us can cancel or modify any insurance policy (life, health, homeowners, auto, etc.) This includes any change in beneficiary status.

3. Harassing, threatening, assaulting or abusing the other AND from making disparaging remarks about the other to or in the presence of any children of the parties OR to either party's employer.

4. Basically it says we can't hide, destroy, or spoil any evidence electronically stored or on computer hard drives.

5. No relocating outside of TN or more than 100 miles from the marital home.


I do like the idea of sending her flowers for Valentine's Day. Maybe just a simple rose....OOOH! I could send her super-sized pajamas!!! Like 3XXX! It would totally be worth the money!!!!!!

Wonderful points, LG. He has done nothing but move out "for you, because I'm hurting you too much by staying."

He's a jerk. Thanks for talking me back from the ledge.

So, let me get this right. Your WH filed for divorce and that stated above is STANDARD divorce policy in your state?

Is your state a no fault state? If YOU don't do anything(like sign papers) how long until your state issues a D decree?

WHat happens if either party breaks one of the injuctions? Do you need an attorney to stop them or can you go to court yourself?

Lots of questions I know, but holy cow, if you can get him thrown in jail for breaking any of the above, without a lawyer, that's one for your side.

I've got to tell you I don't think EXPOSING and telling WH employer is either disparaging or harassing, or threatening. Its telling the TRUTH H&G. The TRUTH.

Yes, it is standard divorce policy in my state. I was surprised when I read it, too.

We're a fault state, but filing for "irreconciable differences" is treated as no fault IF both parties are in agreement. If I hadn't counter-filed, we could have been divorced after 30 days. Now that I've counter-filed, it will take much longer, especially since I instructed my attorney to make it take as long as possible.

The injunctions can be stopped if both parties are in agreement to stop them (something I won't agree to do) or if by court order. The court has no reason to stop them, either. If either party breaks an injunction, it is punishable by fine or imprisonment or both.

Definitely it's a plus for my side. I think the reason our state legislature made this a law was to prevent jerk spouses from ripping off innocent spouses. It's a good law.

Well, I agree but I'm not willing to put it to the test. His employer will find out soon enough as part of my attorney's actions.

I spoke to my attorney today. He said I won't have to take a parenting class unless WH insists on it and then I'll just have to do it to make the divorce final.

He received info that shows my estimate of WH's income was off by $10,000 and will amend the child support request to reflect the new amount.

I have until the week before our 3/14 court date to finalize my monthly expense statement, so that temporary alimony can be awarded. I'm having a lot of fun doing this--upgraded my cell phone plan and cable plan. I'm thinking that I need at least $600/month for my new wardrobe. Etc. My attorney reiterated that I have an excellent case to get alimony for life, half of all assets, and half of his retirement.

My attorney won't depose my WH for a few months (purposely dragging out the process per my request). He agreed today that he will also, per my request, depose the OW. Hotdog!

One injunction I have added to the child parenting plan is that neither party will have contact with a party of the opposite sex in the presence of our DS, to include telephone conversations.

The attorney said that it was fine with him if I filed separately. The attorney agreed--if he wants to be divorced there's no time like the present for him to experience paying all of the taxes his salary will entail. He confirmed it could be amended up to 3 years in the future, if ever we reconcile (although that's looking more and more doubtful.) I don't know if I will owe some amount or get a refund, but I don't care either way.

Through his mother, WH now knows I won't file jointly. He's not happy about it but I don't give a good golly darn.

More snow yesterday, 3 inches on top of the 5 inches we got on Monday. The roads are impassable because of the low temps (5 degrees F here this morning.)

And I worried about WH making it home from work last night. His job is nearly 30 miles away, over hilly country roads. But I didn't call him.

However, my MiL called to ask about my DDs--she wanted to know if they were safely at home. Both were, but it took my son-in-law 5 hours to make it home from his job. He works less than 10 miles from their home.

MiL told me WH made it home in about 2 hours, so that worry is over. I know I shouldn't be worried, but the habits of 32 years are hard to break.

WH is accusing me of punishing him for refusing to file jointly. He hasn't even told MiL that he has sued me for divorce; she learned of that from me. She agrees that he has provided me with no reason to do this for him (lying, cheating, separating, filing) and that I shouldn't file jointly. It's nice to have her on my side.

However, today (and most days, to tell the truth) I feel despair. I've tried to do all that is possible to save my marriage and I truly feel like I have failed. Divorce, although months away, feels inevitable.

It makes me ineffably sad.

You know why you feel this way today, right? Its because of the "contact" you had yesterday. It started with you thinking about your WH's safety. Then, your MIL called and she talked to you about your WH. You need to stop the cycle. You are now abusing yourself by keeping this going in your head. Whatcha gotta do? Only talk to your MIL about things involving your children and YOU. Don't let her talk to you about your WH. Tell her that it hurts you to hear about your WH because IT DOES.

As you know, I have been in Plan B for about 14 months. Even having someone say, "I saw your WH walking down XX street last month," sends me in a tailspin. First, I have adrenaline pumping through my body, my heart beats faster, my palms get sweaty and my stomach turns. After that passes, I start to feel better but I start thinking about what I did or didn't do. What I could have done, what I should have done. My thoughts become almost obsessive and destructive. The best thing to get me out of this, other than a swift kick in the rear, keeping BUSY.

So, this now brings me to my old question, come up with any new hobbies yet?