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mitzie Offline OP
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After reading several older threads and chiming in on a few newer ones, it seems the OP always has one thing and one thing only on their minds'(if in fact you can call it a mind at all).

That being: the slandering, malicious hatred, spewing of lies, undermining of BS, assasination of, and annihilation of WS's marriage & spouse. This seems more true of an OW OP than OM OP, as women tend to be more verbal and spiteful.

Being in Plan B takes the BS out of the picture. It gives the OP no ammunition to fire their guns of malevolence about BS to WS.

That however does not seem to stop the OP from hurling accusations and lies about BS to WS(or to anyone within earshot). OPs are NOT good people. That is obvious.

These OP are TERRORISTS!! They knowingly or unknowingly use terroristic brain washing tactics on our WS. Isolation, repetition, manipulation and various other methods that are defined as a form of TORTURE! 25 scary facts about brainwashing

The question I pose and I hope some VETS can answer is this. Does the WS eventually come to realize that OP is 'making stuff up'? Does the WS ever recognize that OP is just bringing up SAME OLD SAME OLD stuff?

'You know BS is turning kids against you'
'You know BS never really loved you'
'You know you never loved BS,how could you when they did x, y, z'(pick one)
'Why should BS get x,y,z(pick one) when we(cleverly inserting themselves into the we positon) have to settle for a,b,c'(pick one)

...and it goes on and on and on...

Plan B is for us,the BS to heal and help. Got it.

Just for all the BS's out there who are on the slaying end of OP's incendiary mouth: Will it, does it, can it ever stop?

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Unfortunely, the WS also spews just as many lies to maintain the A. But I do agree that the POSOW seems to be malicious.


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Mitzie, what's going on?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Mitzie, former WS' have reported that when the OP bashes the BS it becomes a lovebuster the more the affair crumbles. The WS finds himself in a position of defending the BS.

Keep in mind that BS bashing won't be too helpful when the affair is crumbling in a free fall.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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mitzie Offline OP
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Nothing going on ML. Just curious. Been reading ALOT of old threads. It all seems to "highschooly" to me. Don't these people(OP) EVER just grow up?

I don't know if my WH's OP is trash talkin' me. Personally, I don't care. Like I said, waaay too teeny-bopper talk for me.

As far as the brainwashing link, it wouldn't be so hard for OP to do, given the emotional and mental state of most waywards before they hookup with OP

Got problems of my own with DS1,his car & WH getting a taste of reality... grin

Everything's cool ML cool


BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time


There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis


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I think the WS and the OP both act "highschooly" IMHO.


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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mitzie, my XH is guilty of all the spew. DDs don't want to see him, I poisoned them -- of course! It is their sick minds trying to justify that "everything will be fine in the future" has backfired on them and of course we are to blame.

It is childish, moronic and to be expected.

I know it is probably difficult for newer BS to not understand the dribble from these WS and often shocking.

Now I just pull up a chair and pull out the popcorn and watch the show.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Speaking of which--Hope, how ARE you?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by karmasrose
Speaking of which--Hope, how ARE you?

hurray I am doing well most days. My DDs are doing well and trying to keep my head held high and out of the sewage.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Mitzie:

It may surprise you to learn that the majority of the time the BS isn't in the thoughts or concerns of the WS and/or the AP.

You don't matter to the wayward.

Sorry.

When you do come up in the waywards world, maybe the AP comments negatively. Maybe not. You will certainly hear of the negative stuff from your WS, because they do NOT want to protray the BS in the best light.

IN plan B, the WS DOES get to defend the BS. It is a lovebuster between the AP and the WS. Because the BS DOES matter to the WS.

But many WS's avoid the problem by just avoiding discussion of the BS completly. Guys do this easily. Called compartmentalization. WW's do it too. Those in an affair, its just easier to ignore all those people who are being hurt by thier actions....

So, no. They generally do not care about the BS.

LG

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mitzie Offline OP
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There's no such thing as bad publicity.

Everyone's heard this line I'm sure.

Kinda makes me feel bad we're not getting any publicity at all!

Please explain why in Plan B does the WS defend the BS? I don't get why they would do that. Seems the further into the A they go the more they think like the OP.



BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time


There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis


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I wouldn't worry about the OW talking bad to your WS about you. I think it's likely that, at some point, this will become a major lovebuster to the WS.

Think about it...most siblings will fight each other like cats and dogs, but let another kid say/do something to one sibling, the other siblings will be ready to defend the victimized sibling. The same thing goes for kids/parents. A kid might gripe and moan to his/her friends about how "mean" or "totally dorky" his/her mom is, but if one of the friends says anything bad about mom...the fight is on!

I think that, somewhere inside, a WS will still think of the BS as HIS BS, and somebody directly insulting HIS BS will get to him, sooner or later, because he KNOWS that his BS is not really a bad/awful/hateful person. Directly insulting a BS is totally different from sympathetically listening to a WS complain about his BS. It might take a while, but I think the WS will eventually get tired of the crap. Besides, if all they do is [censored] about the BS, the AFFAIR can't be much fun, can it? laugh


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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mitzie,

It's done to rationalize and justify what they are doing. Think about it, how in the world could they speak kindly of the BS and continue knifing them in the back?

Imagine saying, "Oh the BS is just so beautiful, sweet and kind" all while carrying on an adulterous affair - Well that would make THEM the bad guy, yes? No way will an active adulterer cop to that - that would ruin the fantasy - something they obviously want to avoid.

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I experienced this Mitzie, when my xwh married the ow. You see, plan B is great b/c it allows the ow or om to meet all the en's of the ema.

Had my xwh not married the ow, things might havebeen different, but we'll never know b/c I think my xwh has issues much more than having ema's. I know now he has mental issues too.

But the plan B thing works like a charm b/c when the ws sees that there ARE problems in affairland, and that life isn't hunky dory because there are kids and schedules to keep up, the kids know what's going on (mom or dad was in an affair and that's why they separated) there are hurt feelings. When you do not condone the affair, there are consequences.

Suddenly one day when the ow say, for example, forgets to turn on the fan after she uses the bathroom...it's suddenly a LB. She burns the meatloaf, and it's not the meatloaf YOU the bw, used to make so well. That becomes a LB too. And when she/he becomes a real person, not the fantasy person in their mind, the affair begins to crumble.

Then the ow/om will go on the comparison attack and say all kinds of evil things about you, the bs. Granted they did this during the early stages of an ema, to woo the ws away from the bs, but when COMBINED with the lovebusters they suddenly are making all over the place, it's a new situation.

Thus, it explains why so many affairs end and end badly. The ws suddenly remembers YOU being nice and keeping a good house or providing well for the family. They remember how you could make a perfect meatloaf or make the perfect holiday dinner. And when the ow/om says vile things about you, the ws sometimes will (of course in your absence) actually defend you.

That's the beauty of plan B. Rarely do you find out about this but it does happen. My xwh told his w, the xow, (now they're divorcing and should be divorced any day) that I made the best holiday desserts in the world and how great of a mom I was..wow. I saw first hand how the beauty of plan B works.

You just detach and let skanky try to fill all the en's and try to duplicate you simply being you. She can't. So she'll b*tch, whine, and moan about you, meanwhile she will be causing her own brand of trouble within their affair. She will, or he if it's the om, be the undoing of their own affair.

I say let them lie about us! It's just making things that much difficult for the affairees and making it one day closer to the day they end.

Hold your head high and be yourself! And fwiw, they DO still see you as THEIR bs. It's a territory thing and while they're ok with them having more than one partner, damned if you have one (their foggy little minds are wierd).

Just let the skank sink herself. Kinda like that form of martial arts where you allow your opponents' own energy to be used against them.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Great post, Peachy, but remember--if plan b doesn't work, you're heading south to pay a little visit for me. wink


"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
Quotable words from peachyisback
“Sometimes you don’t get where you want to go, but you get much further than you were before.” Tiffany on Top Chef
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Have you ever watched a TV news program and saw a story from last week with no new info and told in the same manner? Probably not, because the info is already out there and it would be boring to watch. You would change the channel and the news channel would lose money. So what do they do? They find something else to write about.

This is what happens in Plan B. Remove the BS, and there is no new "news" for the WS and OP. They won't just sit there rehashing what happened a year ago, it would be boring. They start looking around for something else to "report" on. Then, they start on each other.

That's why it is important for the BS to stay out of the drama of affairland.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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One thing I've learned is that WS/OP's love drama. Drama feeds an affair like nothing else. Any ranting, slander or malicious hatred towards the BS is simply that - drama. As long as the BS is in the picture, they have plenty of fodder to stoke their drama flames. Plan B done properly is cutting off the fuel to this fire. They can't blame the BS any more because he/she isn't present. However, one teensy bit of contact is enough to regenerate it.

If you read the old threads, any of us (myself included) who didn't do a completely dark Plan B ended up with lots of drama and the WS/OP with a long term affair.

It makes sense - as long as they both have the BS to hate, they are united in a cause.

The other thing I'm just beginning to understand is that what waywards really want is the life they had with the BS, only substituted with the OP. This is where the meatloaves get compared and everything else. As long as the BS is present in their lives, the WS gets glimses of this life that they want and, because they're using waylogic, blame the BS for taking it from them. It's just the way they think. The BS and everything that represents life with the BS has to be completely absent. Otherwise, the wayward can't even see that they're missing anything. There's no point in telling them - they don't hear. They have to experience it for themselves.

And the best thing about Plan B is that it truly does protect the BS. It's so hard to do, but definitely worth it.

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mitzie Offline OP
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Well do it I must!

After listening to WH speak just like OP (very uneducated manner) it just made me sick...literally... puke That to me is someone who is in waaaay too deep. BRAINWASHED maybe? lol

OW's XSO called me. He calls to 'see how you're doing'. Usually I make these convo's short, but today he gave me some news from the A front. I Know I shouldn't listen to him but I didn't know what he was talking about at first.

OW is getting an inheiritence from her late father & she's selling his old truck. So SHE will have plenty of money.

Long story short: I was wondering why WH was not upset with DS1 blowing his motor in car. I was wondering how WH was going to fix other vehicle we have so DS1 can drive that back & forth to work. I was wondering why WH all of a sudden didn't seem to have any $ problems. Now I know why. But, he will see, she is not me. I am generous, she is selfish. I am kind, she is mean. I give, she takes.

I'm staying out of the picture and WH will see this.



BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time


There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis


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mitzie,

What your WH will see, ultimately, is that there is a cost to whatever she "gives" him. She probably keeps a running scorecard of things she "gives". Renters are like that! They are really giving anything, but rather giving something with the expectation that something will be coming back to them in return for it. Not giving at all. So WH might think he's getting money from her for car repairs??? Hah. It will come back to bite him, and he will not like it. Sit back and let that happen - because it won't be you involved.


You ask if the WS ever figures it out? Usually they do. The question really is, do they ever admit it??? Some do, some don't.

There are those who see it before anyone figures out there was even an affair, and they straighten up, admit what they've done, get on the straight and narrow on their own, and work on the marriage. These WS are RARE BIRDS indeed.

There are some WS who see what they have done and stop the affair. They don't tell anyone, ever. At the same time, they don't repeat offend. Not great in the sense that they don't tell the BS, good in the sense that they are no longer cheaters and learned some kind of lesson. A split-decision, this type. Good be a better outcome if they did the work and made it right, certainly.

There are WS who have the affair discovered, and right away realize what they have done and come out of the fog immediately. They go to work on the marriage, and recovery begins right away.

There are many who figure out they made a huge mistake, and figure it out FAST, although they have left the marriage for perhaps a short time. They get themselves back home, fix things in the marriage, and recover.

Others take a few false recoveries, commonly called cake-eaters. I think of these folks as people who can't decide, mostly because they want to change something about themselves, but are afraid of the lack of acceptance from the current spouse. Often the cake-eaters want some kind of major change in their own life (remember, the affair is NOT about betrayed spouse, and NOT about the affair partner!). What the WS cannot work out is how to have both the major change and retain the spouse and family; how to incorporate all into one thing, fix all the problems, make the big changes, and still have everything remain somewhat the same and be accepted as "a new person" or have "a new relationship" with the same spouse. This is the tough one. If the BS can convince the WS that the changes can be accepted, and a new relationship can be forged, this kind of WS can return to the marriage and the marriage will recover. I often think that this is probably why cake-eaters do what they do - they fear that the changes just won't happen, or things have just gone too far to be recovered.

I think there are also those WS who get lost and out of control and have no idea what they are doing! They never really had a plan, do not now have a plan, and find themselves just trying to convince everyone that they are doing exactly what it is that they WANT to do, because it makes them so HAPPY. It's this WS that is so hard to deal with, because they are like a little kid, who has no real reason to them - they want what they want, when they want it, and they make every excuse in the world for erratic behavior. All the while, they just want no responsibility, they just want to "be happy", whatever that is supposed to mean to them right now (and it changes day to day!). Do they ever "get it"? Maybe....but I think they are least likely to admit it. I think recovery with this type is frustrating, because they want to shove it all under the rug and just "get over it", because isn't what we want to do is "be happy NOW???" arggh.


I'm sure there are other types. I just think I see these types pretty often, and so there you are. IMHO.


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Originally Posted by schoolbus
mitzie,


I think there are also those WS who get lost and out of control and have no idea what they are doing! They never really had a plan, do not now have a plan, and find themselves just trying to convince everyone that they are doing exactly what it is that they WANT to do, because it makes them so HAPPY. It's this WS that is so hard to deal with, because they are like a little kid, who has no real reason to them - they want what they want, when they want it, and they make every excuse in the world for erratic behavior. All the while, they just want no responsibility, they just want to "be happy", whatever that is supposed to mean to them right now (and it changes day to day!). Do they ever "get it"? Maybe....but I think they are least likely to admit it. I think recovery with this type is frustrating, because they want to shove it all under the rug and just "get over it", because isn't what we want to do is "be happy NOW???" arggh.


IMHO.

SB how do you personally know my XH. He had no plan, he had to prove he did the right thing by marrying it and still pretending to be happy when people say he looks miserable.

So good you are checking in. So many times I think "what would schoolbus do". dance2


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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