+1,000,000 to you totaldisbelief - It will suck, but I'm going to make a nice dinner anyway. If nothing else, I'll put on a good front and show that I'm doing it for me. It's a dinner I was going to make for WW and me - a plan A move - but since exposure happened this week I have a feeling I'll be eating alone.

PS: What really sucks for me is that I'm going to help my son make a Valentine's day card for his mother. That's the kind of thing that's hard.

AndyM- help your son make that card anyway- it will make him feel good, and it will make your WS feel like crap.

My MIL asked me if she thought WS would give me the time of day around Valentine's Day (she knows about the POSOM "anniversary"). I told her I didn't know. She gave me $100 and said "Come up with something good if she does, and if she doesn't, then spend this on you and the kids." (This is the same woman who wrote WS a 6-page manifesto and posted it on her door. Wyatt Earp in a skirt.)

totaldisbelief - I always planned on it - just hard to do with a smile on my face and a hole in my heart. People here understand that.

BTW - what are you going to do for YOURSELF?

Well, the first thing I am going to do is try to do something with my WS, even if it's just lunch. Second, I am going to do anything I can think of to disrupt POSOM's "special day" (uh-oh, I just threw up again)- for instance, flowers from me will be arriving at her desk at work. I am also thinking of sending her an e-card, every hour on the hour, all day long. Last but not least, I will spend a nice evening at home with my kids.

Ya know, I'm just visualizing this, and I think it's a beautiful, beautiful thing: WW is going to have two bunches of flowers on her desk and will be asked by her co-workers who they're from:
"Um, well, the roses are from my husband, and the carnation/spring mix is from my boyfriend..."

Waywards have no shame. Make sure you send a pretty bunch, total.

I'm not sure if she's "out of the closet" at work, except to one or two of her enabler's. I have lots of friends who work there, so I think she is somewhat careful. That would be quite the conflict thought, wouldn't it. At any rate, that very same conflict will be going on inside her heart and mind, which is where it really counts.

I sent her some flowers at work on POSOM's birthday, for the same purpose, and I don't even think she knows that I know it's his birthday.

I am following Dr. Harley's advice to actively pursue her, and do anything I can to create conflict in the affair.

Make them a pretty bunch, total.

TD thats not going to work. I forgot to tell you, me you abc098,savemymarriage, fightforlife and andy are all going out drinking on valentines. I invited Wondering, but hes too busy with his wife.

Are you saying you're not in?

Okay...who's the designated driver? You guys aren't going out without one.

We'll call a cab and specifically ask for a male driver. Will that be OK?

Okay, but you guys all have to check in with the board as soon as you get home, and if we'd better not see lots of typos and run-on sentences...

Typos and runon sentences, how would that be any different from any of my other posts? I am the king of making an [censored] of myself, but its ok no one here knows me in RL.

Me and SMM are being rowdy today a bit, you should grab a slice.

Sorry to hijack TD.

Total, although I agree with you sending the flowers, I want you to remember one thing about Plan A, NO EXPECTATIONS.

You send her the flowers and she will:
1. do nothing, say nothing(most likely scenario)
2. say, "Oh I never knew you loved me so much, POSOM is OUTTA here" (most UNLIKELY)
3. throw them in the garbage
4. bring them to your front yard, set them on fire, and do a "get rid of my husband because I have a OM" dance

So, what does that mean? That means that the REASON that you are sending your WW the flowers is because YOU WANT TO SEND HER FLOWERS. You would send flowers to her if you were in a happy marriage and you are just showing her what you will continue to offer her IF she ends her A and decides to come home. Added bonus about the flowers, she will either not tell OM about them, leading her to lie, or she WILL tell him about the flowers and how much she hates them, leading her to lie again. Either way, you shot a cupid's arrow into that nest.

About the email every hour, I HOPE you were kidding. That would be a MAJOR creeptacular event for me, even if I was madly in love with my H. Please reconsider this aspect of your plan for V-Day.

And to all of you BSs, know that this V-Day WILL be something that is on your mind and you WILL think about your WS, but it WILL get better. This is my second one around these parts, and to be honest, I am not really thinking about it too much. I KNOW that V-Day WILL mean something to me, but I have my 2 kiddos as my valentine's this year. I bought them a small stuffed toy and some chocolate. I am HAPPY about that.

Gotcha, bueno.

You're aware of the fact that totaldisbelief is Mormon, right? He doesn't drink.

Total, I LOVE your plan for Valentine's Day. Make that the biggest, most noticeable vase of roses you can find. And send those ecards. Just bombard her with them. Every time she opens a new one, or even sees it in her inbox, she's going to feel crappier and crappier.

I think you just found your designated driver, Reynolds.

Sorry didn't realize about the drinking TD, no intention to offend at all.

Say the word and I will take the post down.

Mormons make wonderful designated drivers.

Now if you want to really hit it with a Vday gift...forget the flowers and send her an edible arrangement for valentines. Or send the flowers also. The edible arrangements will be different and her coworkers will flock to it. Her coworkers will brag about you to her "you're so lucky girl" and about how thoughtful you are.

She'll end up sharing with her coworkers and have to listen to them teh entire time talk about what a nice gift it is.

Trust me on this one. You'll thank me.