I get it.

It is sure one of the choices to make and yours alone to decide.

Okay, I haven't posted my saga in a while. I was about to start a thread in the divorce area. Since I last wrote, WH said he no longer wanted to work on the marriage so we started to discuss divorce. I got an attorney (though haven't paid him a dime) and WH paid a large retainer on another attorney. We discussed going to a mediator to discuss custody issues - and I even came up with a proposal that he said worked. He said he wouldn't move out of the house until we had a written separation agreement, so I made him move to the basement.

He went back to the country of the affair last week (the trip I was going to join him on) - and met with the OW a couple of times. He supposedly didn't sleep with her but didn't deny that there was some physical contact. He claims that their relationship is now over (once again!)

Today he asks to have lunch with me and says he was up all night because he can't imagine life without me! Yes - reality set in for Mr. cake-eater when I kicked him to the basement and started to get serious about custody issues.

I told him I'd think about it. Has anyone been in this situation before and successfully headed toward recovery? How do I respond?

From all the reading/studying I have done, given his career and travel, if he doesn't either rebuild a career minus the travel or you don't decide to give up yours to keep him company on trips....I don't see how it will work.

Hopefully others will give you more insight or input.

That is very true.

For the immediate future, I would advise you to do Plan A, followed by Plan B. (And the B is not for Basement.)

This is not likely to work for R if you freelance your own plan. Plan Me generally ends up as Plan D. You've been on here a while now. Have you read Dr. H's articles on surviving infidelity? Read SAA? Read some of the very good posts by members here on Plan A and Plan B?

If not, that's where I'd start. You need to be able to see where you're going, and how to get there. Your current course of action is likely to take you to a D, and by a much more painful route than necessary.

I'm trying not to freelance my own plan, but my attempt at Plan B is impossible if I can't force my WH out of the house. I have the best attorney in my state (he's a close friend of the family) and he's advised me that I can't do anything to get WH out of the house. He has to move out on his own. I was in Plan A for while - for four months until he told me he hired an attorney.

Once WH told me about his attorney, I could no longer sleep in the same bed with him. I thought I was heading to plan B/D, and ended up with plan B/Basement.

I have read SAA and understand what's supposed to happen, but unfortunately circumstances haven't allowed me to follow along exactly.