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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4 |
So the question is, do you stay in the marriage and continue to function just because of love and children or do you vacate it and so you can be happy? Guess the real question is can you be in love and not be happy? I know this all sounds crazy, most of everything I have read and been through says true love is happiness but I don't feel happy and yet I love my wife. There is where my dilemma lies?
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
FBW in recovery
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
So the question is, do you stay in the marriage and continue to function just because of love and children or do you vacate it and so you can be happy? Guess the real question is can you be in love and not be happy? I know this all sounds crazy, most of everything I have read and been through says true love is happiness but I don't feel happy and yet I love my wife. There is where my dilemma lies? Welcome, badlands! I'm going to put a positive spin on this: You're actually in a pretty good dilemma. You feel love for your wife. That's fantastic! But you're saying you're not happy. Can you tell us a little more about that? And about yourself? How long have you been married? Do you have any kids? What is your employment situation?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4 |
Yes I did have an affair a few years ago. We have been through counseling on here and our own private sessions. Recovery has been going great, and I have made great lengths of showing my love and proving it. Just recently I have felt like all I am doing is going through the motions just to get through the day. We have to wonderful children and lately I have been feeling blah when around them and the wife. I love my wife dearly as do I feel that way about the kids. Just do not understand how I feel the love but yet do not feel happy? Am I crazy?
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
You're not crazy, but you may be dealing with depression.
When did the A end? Have you been in NC since? When did your BW find out about your A and how did your A end? All of these things can help us help you.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4 |
It ended 4 years ago and she found out after it ended. Yes I have been NC since I ended it. He finding out ended it and when she did find out it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
It may be depression issues. Have you ever spoken to a doctor about this?
That aside, how much time do you spend with your wife? Do you enjoy activities together ... recreational companionship? How well do you get along?
It's great that you love your wife, but do you feel like you're "in love" with her?
FBW in recovery
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4 |
Yes I have and Im on something. We are together all the time, we have family time all the time and yes I enjoy it very much we have a good time, just at the end of the day I feel blah. It may be depression and I need a bigger dose, just worried that if I stay this way will I eat away at the marriage and start on a downward path. I don't feel that I am now or that I want to. I want this marriage to work and I want to be happy too. As far as the "in love" I have never really understood the whole I love you but not in love with you.... Love is love as far as I know....? But then again I am the strange one here.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
As far as the "in love" I have never really understood the whole I love you but not in love with you.... Love is love as far as I know....? But then again I am the strange one here. It doesn't sound like you are in love with her. The love we speak of is romantic passionate love, an incredible feeling of attraction that makes one feel very happy. You don't feel that at all, do you? How much time ALONE with each other do you spend each week? How many hours of undivided attention?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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