I understand. It's difficult to overcome because I do love and care about him and I want to know about him. I need to remind myself that he doesn't ask about me and didn't even call yesterday to check on DS. So darned hard to accept that I'm nothing to him.

I don't know if it's helpful or not to know that you're having some of the same difficulties after 14 months of plan B--I keep hoping I will become numb to what he's doing but it hasn't happened yet.

Regarding hobbies, I've found one. I'm resurrecting my old love of origami. I just ordered some paper and 2 books. I have a few sheets of paper still and a book here at home. It's very engrossing and leaves little room for thought while I'm doing it. Combining that with reading and cleaning, I think I will be busy enough.

I do have a short bookshelf that I'm going to put together this afternoon. It will hold all of DS's gaming systems and the Blu-Ray and cable box. Currently, they're sitting on the floor.

DS and I put together the bookshelf and he moved all of the gaming systems and TV stuff over to it. It looks nice and it was great to have his help with it.

Then the mail came and another envelope from my attorney.

I hate getting mail from my attorney--it's like a punch to the gut from WH each time.

This was WH's Answer to my Counter-Complaint. He admits to adultery but denies moving out to "pursue an adulterous relationship with his paramour". Oh, really? Even when he left to go to her 4 days after he moved out?

He admits that child support is needed, but denies my request for arrearage (from the day he moved out) payments.

He totally denies that I need temporary and permanent spousal support and demands strict proof thereof. Well, that's coming so, WH, beware of what you wish for!

And his defense? That I condoned his misconduct by continuing marital cohabitation and martial (misspelled on paperwork) relations. The misspelling made me laugh but the defense is one that has worried me for quite a while.

I read a magazine article written by a TN attorney who said that condonation is the BEST defense when someone sues for adultery. WH and I did have marital relations (and martial ones!) during the period of time between D-Day and the next time he went to her, but not after. I've been worried sick about this.

I called my attorney so that he could tell me AGAIN that this is a standard defense and that I have nothing to worry about. We are still married and he's continuing the affair, so he's guilty of adultery. Period. Big sigh of relief from me.

So my fun day (putting bookshelf together with DS) rapidly became a bad day, but calling my lawyer helped me get some needed perspective. Of course, I'll get billed for the call but that's not important. Peace of mind is!

Origami eh? I have ALWAYS been interested in it but haven't done any and I have actually been thinking about doing some of it too. Good to know that it occupies your mind.

Great work putting together the bookcase. Be PROUD of it.

About feeling this way even 14 months in, it's only when I hear something about my WH, which is quite rare(except from the kiddos but I am getting used to that and I tend to ask them not to tell me full details about things). That was my way of showing you that you need to keep yourself in the dark as much as possible. The times BETWEEN hearing about my WH is BLISS. It really does get better. I PROMISE.

Scotty, we (DS and I) are ridiculously proud of that bookcase. I think it proved to both of us that we will, regardless of the future, be okay.

Okay--I'm holding you to your promise! I very much do want it to get better. I will remain as dark as humanly possible. I'm tired of feeling sad and need to move on to whatever the future gives me.

Thanks for always being here for me, Scotty. I don't know what I'd do without your support and kicks to the seat of my pants. You're the best.

I need to admit something, Instead of reading, ".....KICKS to the seat of my pants," I read, "....KISS to the seat..." and had to re-read it. HAHAHAHAHA I DON'T kiss ANYONE'S butt.

NP hun, I am paying it forward. And you can hold me to that promise. If you follow MB, stay DARK and follow Plan B, I PROMISE that you will feel better in a year. If you don't, I will give you my IRL address and you can KICK MY AZZ. I am CONFIDENT that my butt will be safe.

If I could, I'd give you a hug. A "Thanks for everything" hug. Consider it done.

WH is taking DS bowling tomorrow--a surprise to me since I thought he'd be out of town, being Valentine's weekend and all.

I have to pick DS up at the bowling alley to take him to a piano theory test since the timing of the latter won't permit me to wait until he is returned home. I'll wait in my car in the parking lot, so exposure to WH should be minimal.

I don't think I have a way around this. WH won't agree to not being at the bowling alley even if I take DS. I'm not confident he will take DS to the piano theory test, so I must do it.

Suggestions?

LG:
Last year, WH and I had a combined total income of $K. This year, it will be a few thousand less than that. I don't understand why my wages are less on my W-2 than I actually earned, but it shows that I earned about $K and that he earned $K. Since I'll be filing separately, what can I expect my taxes to be? His?

My FICA withholding was $. I'll claim DS. Can I claim the standard deduction?

I would have IM ask him to take ds to the piano theory test.

I understand you aren't confident he'll do it but you must practice releasing control of what he does. If he does take him....awesome!....if he doesn't....find a way to recoup the situation somehow, someway.

That is what I would do (and I often face similar situations and dilemmas with three children with my WH).

Is there a different parking lot, close by, but unseen from the bowling alley where your DS can walk to and meet you? This way, you won't need to worry about WH seeing you and you seeing WH.

Reading, IM's aren't available. It can't be rescheduled because this is a rescheduled test (DS was sick last weekend).

Scotty, there's no parking lot nearby as the bowling alley is off by itself. There is a small parking lot on the side of the building and a larger one in front. I could park on the side and tell DS to exit by the side door. WH doesn't park there.

Do what you need to to stay as dark as possible. Is there someone who can bring DS to you? I am worried that WH will try to follow your DS, and I hate to put your DS in the middle like that.

Scotty, DS is 15 and I don't think he'd go for having someone walk him out. I don't think WH will follow him, but if he does I'll just roll up my window, turn the Beatles on full blast, and turn my head.

I didn't mean someone who could walk him out, I meant someone who could drive him to a different parking lot where you could be waiting.

And why the heck would your window be open anyways? Wouldn't it be COLD? HEHEHEHE

Will you have a talk with your DS and rehearse how this should go down and what he should do and why?

I don't know anyone there well enough to arrange a drop-off ride for DS. I'm an "older" parent, having had DS when I was 38. Most of the other parents are at least a dozen years younger than me.

I don't know why my window would be down--ha ha! I guess I'd roll it down to say hi to DS...but UP to avoid WH.

Yep, DS knows why and how. He's okay with it.

Okay, sorry about all of this. I am just one of those people who has anxiety when I don't have a plan. I think I then transfer that onto other people, lemme know if I am annoying you. I like to figure out all of the angles, my responses to them and then I am okay to deal with ANYTHING.

So, on the topic of Origami, how bout this?

You're not bugging me, Scotty. It helps to have someone think through all of the potential pitfalls.

A thousand paper cranes? And my wish will get granted? Okay, I'm on it! But I've got to order more paper--a lot more paper!

I guess it's no worse than using the Magic Eight Ball app on my cell phone and shaking it to get the answer I want. Silly thing to do, but somehow I find it comforting when I get anxious.

When I was growing up, any decision that needed to be made by my parents, including the one to get married, was made by flipping a coin. I still use that one with my DSx2. When they need to decide which one is going to play video games first, they flip a coin. So 1000 Origami cranes, why not? Okay, j/k. I think the real benefit of making those cranes is the power of positive thinking which is why I have my vision/dream board.

Anyway,I think that the side door is perfect to park near so ds can go out and get in your car. Hopefully WH won't follow him out the door to see you. You could park with the rear of your car facing the door so if he does peek out....he gets no glimse of you.

Good idea, reading. I hope it doesn't involve backing into a parking space. I am so not good at that!