I'm sorry that you're heartbroken mitzie, but you KNOW things will get better for you. Hang in there! It's times like these, that'll make you appreciate the good times all the more.

The best revenge is to live well!

{{{{Mitzie}}}}

I'm so sorry. I understand. I got more mail from my attorney today and it always makes my heart sink. Today, I got WH's Answer to my Counter Complaint.

One thing I noticed about my WH's Complaint was that his signature was wobbly, as though he had a difficult time bringing himself to do it. I bet your WH feels some guilt about this. He just has SkankyHo bullying him into doing it, like mine did.

Speak to your attorney. If you're going to have a divorce that you don't want, make sure he does, too. Make it long and drawn out and UGLY. If you're in a fault state, depose WH and SkankyHo and make them testify in open court as part of the PUBLIC record of the divorce. The thought of that is making this bearable for me. I don't know what that says about me as a person, but I'll deal with my conscience later. I'm just trying to give my WH time to realize that this is the wrong decision.

I'm not going to do anything.

I just want everyone to know I'm sad. NOT to feel SORRY for me, please! . But because, maybe someday someone might be reading this in the archives and they just picked up THEIR D papers and they are sad and wonder if this is normal.

I hope so!

I know all is not lost. Time is not my friend right now. It is too SLOW...

I'm going to be fine. Right now my life SUCKS, but tomorrow...tomorrow it might not suck as bad

Well, I AM going to feel sorry for you! You don't deserve this, and you're sad? You would be insane not to be, sweetie. That said, you stay strong, woman! Yeah -- easy said, right?

Yep, as many here say...easy said, not easy done. I have no words, but many prayers.

(((((Mitzie))))))

Dear Lord, I ask that you come to Mitzie tonight in her dreams and bring her comfort. Let her know that you are there. Please wrap your arms around her and just hold her because she hurts.

((((Mitzie))))

Time to go run a really warm bath, throw in a bunch of bubblebath, turn on some soft uplifting music and light a few candles. Then have yourself a good old-fashioned cry. Give it to God. He can handle it.

Then come back here tomorrow and let's get back to the business of helping Mitzie recover in the way that she's meant to recover.

{{{mitzi}}}

Don't tell God how big your problems are... tell your problems how big GOD is.
---Fred

Yes!!

DITTO x 1 MILLION

((((((Mitzie))))))

Mitzi,

You once told me that you can't let someone else take your power from you, don't let that piece of paper take yours from you.
Wait until you are ready to deal with it, just because they send it doesn't mean you have to do anything with it.
Stay in your Plan B and just put one foot in front of the other until you can walk again.............
Life happens for a reason and I truly believe this might be a new door that is opening for you with a new purpose for you.........
Look at it as an opportunity to spread your wings, finding a better life than this one,
Your husband is a fool...............(hugs) .......jessi

Hi ya'll.

Guess what? Right now I am getting ready to take my car in for an oil change, and I have 2 new tires that WH bought in the fall and I am having them put on & my tires balanced and rotated.

WHAT? OMG, I am just...A GROWN UP?!?!?

This is something WH always took care of. WH always changed the oil and took the car in for service.

I have NEVER done anything remote to this before.

Just like fixing the bath...I CAN DO IT..on my OWN!!

HOORAY FOR ME!


(Not to toot my own horn or anything.(pun intended )

Great on the car!

My favorite saying since D-day and personal growth and self-reliance is

"I'm a big girl now."



(I just bought a new large appliance last night and thought how cool I don't have to negotiate which one to choose with a spouse!)

Nice job accomplishing that grown-up stuff, Mitzi!

Last night DS1 got WH truck to drive until he get a vehicle fixed.

I picked DS1 up from work and he informed me that he was getting his dad's truck and I had to drop him off to pick it up.

I started to have an anxiety attack. I didn't want to do it, and I told DS1 this.

WH &OW were at the bar(?) so I dropped DS1 off at end of apartment complex and left.

Now I have WH truck in my driveway! WH's parents let him have thier 'extra' car while they are at winter home in FLA! Inlaws are sooo dysfunctional. The whole relationship between WH & parents is dysfunctional. WH has never had to face ANY consequences of ANY of his actions. Partly because of the guilt of alcoholism on parents part and partly because MIL is still a co-dependent/enabler.

There is a lot of secrecy behind how MIL & FIL got together in Bermuda. FIL I beleive filed for D while he was stationed there. Perhaps MIL was at one time the OW? She had affair of her own 17 years ago with someone from her work. The whole family is full of secrets. I don't care if I ever speak to any of them again. How they have ignored their grandsons' is apprehensible. Awful, awful people.

Enough ranting about Inlaws

I guess part of being a big girl is learning to 'deal' with situations. WH & I have children together. THAT is not going to change.

Things are going to happen between kids & their dad. As they get older and become adults they will take on more of their own personal responsibility, and relationship with their dad(perhaps dad & OW).

I have to move on for me. My DS1 keeps saying over and over, "Move on ma, just let it go". I think he says this more to reasure himself that he needs to let it go and move on. But he is right. Out of the mouth of babes, huh? Even though he's 18 he's still MY baby.

So, I've got that gray truck in my driveway. Parked where it always was. On the left side of the driveway. A constant reminder that WH is with OW and not here. A reminder that he left us and isn't coming back. A reminder that it was that truck that drove him & OW around town to flaunt their affair.

I want to be able to 'deal' with it, but how??

Someone tell me HOW.

( I'd like to pull it across the street into the field and torch the thing, can I do that? It is marital property after all)

Ask your son to park it elsewhere.

Up the street, or down the street two houses. Whatever it takes to NOT BE RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

Good on his FATHER to let him use the truck. But your trigger is out there every time you look out the window.

Ask him to move it.

He might protest, "AHH MOM, I gotta walk 200 feet!" Just tell him the truth: "Everytime I look out the window and see HIS truck, I think of him and (OW-NAME HER) being on vacation.. And I DO NOT want to be reminded of that. HE wants OUT of this family, so I am trying to get to that place that HE WANTS us to be. Out of his life. Move the truck.

(((Mitzie)))

LG

Mitzie



ITA with LG.

A boundry for Mitzie instead of a constant reminder of WH/OW.

{{{{{Mitzie}}}}

nESRE

DS1 did park truck across way. Only way I can see it is if I purposely walk into living room and look out window.

DS1 hates to be inconvenienced (don't ALL teens?)so I was happy he complied.

Okay, okay so it was Valentine's day yesterday. The first one I've spent without my WH in 20 years. I didn't think about too much during the day but at work when couples started filtering in from romantic dinners...oiy boy...made me a little sad

Of course my mind wondered aimlessly. What'd he get her, did she talk him into a ring since she talked him into filing(I don't really know this, I only suspect it), and other assorted messed up thoughts.

THen I started thinking about some of the awful things he's done to me over the last 20 years. I KNOW the man loves me, way, way, deep down inside. I don't think he's liked me for a very, very long time and his actions show it.

I don't know how much of his actions over the last 5 or so years is due to his increased consuption of beer, his clinical depression(amongst other mental health issues), childhood/teen trauma or if truly had given up.

When I got home from work, DS2 called me in his room. I was going to lash out at him for being up so late but he spoke first. He said he had a delema and wanted to know what I thought he should do. His delema was WH called and asked him if he wanted to get wings on Thursday or Wed.(His days off before starting night shift). DS1 said "Should I go?" I told him absolutely!Right now I can't stand the man (and I don't understand why)but I had a wonderful childhood and had wonderful parents whom I am still close to (well mom passed, but I still talk to her everyday I would like them BOTH to have SOME relatinship with his dad. He is only 15. I don't like it when parents choose to be a parent on their own convenient time. But for right now, I think DS2 should take what he can get, emotionally, from his dad.

WH has not seen DS1 or DS2 in over 20 day, except for the few minutes he stopped to have someone look at the other dead car.


It seems WH did NOT call DS1 to ask him to join them. What's up with that?

AND...why did WH pick today, VALENTINES DAY to call and ask DS1? WH wants to go Thursday, he couldn't call tomorrow, or he couldn't have called yesterday(meaning Sunday?)


I have stayed totally invisible. Not for any other reason except I am a grown woman, A BIG GIRL NOW, and to get even close to anything that at it's core is childishness(and lets face it, WS & AP's ALL act like CHILDREN in the midsts of their affairs)just brings me down

What's eating WH?

I see OW's car parked at her xSO. Each time has been when my WH is at work! He told me 'she's already done some things',(in regards to WH being sorry she's a ho) I betcha those 'things' were with him(xSO).

Before you ramble about me driving past xSO house...I don't have a choice...the only other road that would loop around (an extra mile + 1/2)is closed indefinitly! We had a pretty bad flood in the fall and it washed part of the road away. There are no plans to fix it because of money problems with the state or local government. I don't know. But the ONLY road I can go is one that goes right past xSO's house. And since I can't drive with my eyes closed...I see her car...

so sorry for mispellings & grammar, but I am so beat, I'm looking at my bed and it's calling me, it's calling me....

Hi Mitzie
I think we are in the same situation you and I.
Also my WH has not liked me for a long long time, I wanna say since 2004(date of his first A).
More than not liking me, I think the best description would be that he is repulsed by me. You know that kind of behaviour where he would sleep at the far edge of the bed and withdraw immediately when our feet touched...or if I hugged him he would remain as rigid as a board and not hug me back...?
On one of the MB radio programs Dr. Harley said that when a WS has not experience feelings of love for the BS for a long long time, then chances he/she will experience them again (during plan B) are very slim, just because the memory of the love feeling with the spouse is just gone and has not been refreshed for a long while.
That, coupled with the separation and the strong feelings they now have for OW makes R hard.
Also Dr. H added that he would not want this type of WS back anyway as they rarely take full responsibility for their actions and will probably cheat again down the line.
Trying to explain the reasons why they did what they did is a waste of time. However enabling IL and depression plus alcholism certainly play a role. My IL are also enables and both alcholics.
But it really boils down to the fact that WH do not love us anymore. In my case, my chances of R the M at this point are next to nothing also because I do not think he will ever what to R and do the ton of work required to compensate for what he did to the M.
Also, I do not think I have it in me to go thru a recovery with a serial cheater, who, like Dr. H pointed out, very likely will blame me for everything and cheat again soon down the line...
I agree with you. Move on and keep up a good plan B. It is hard to see car parked. I see that daily and it makes plan B somewhat less effective. But I sold my place and will move out soon.
Could you move?
blessing

Atena,
I've been keeping up with your thread an am glad you are able to move.

I cannot and will not move for a few reasons. My DS2 has two more years of HS and I won't pull him out and move for selfish reasons, plus I'm not giving WH the satisfaction of getting ANY of the equity in our home until I HAVE to .

You say your WH slept on the edge of the bed? That's weird because mine did too. Only my WH did it from wayyyy back, like 17 or 18 YEARS! Does that mean he hasn't like me for 18 YEARS!?

Nineteen years ago I dumped WH. He already had an illegitimate child that he paid absolutly no attention to, and really didn't seem interested in having any more. I wanted more from him. I expected more from him. He didn't give it and being emotionally strong at the time I let him go.

For about a month I heard not a peep out of him. then he started trying to get in touch with me. I wouldn't talk to him. I was pretty much dark on him, only I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time...I just really wanted him out of my life and wanted to move on. THen he wrote me a love letter (I wish I hadn't lost it in all the moving I've done) and sent flowers and finally I talked to him and after a couple of days of talking he asked me to marry him.

So I know a PLAN B CAN work...as long as there is no OW involved! At that time he was only dating around and didn't fall in love with someone else.

I myself personally have not heard a peep, nor a pop, nor a hiccup from WH since...I couldn't tell you...going on about three weeks. I haven't seen him in that long either.

I've been reading, ALOT. Not just affair books but self help and spiritual ones as well. I have gained such an introspective into myself. I've always been one to psycoanalyze EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to the point of over analyzing so delving deep inside wasn't that hard.

I can say that I learned (and life IS a learning journey after all)that I have not respected marriage in any way. Not just my marriage but marriage in general. I haven't figured out why just yet(because I had really good role models)but I have disrespected it. And thus in return disrespected WH and myself and most of all GOD, who joined us together on alter. All I can do is pray and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness from God and try and forgive myself. So whether WH comes back or not, or down the road I meet someone new and we marry, I know I will able to be a much better wife and partner and hold my marriage in the highest regard.

I'm not saying that WH wasn't disrespectful during the marriage. Obviously he IS disrespectful NOW, but I can't put all the blame on him for the last 18 years for my disrespect.

If we ever get to that place where WH and I can just talk. Where I can look at him and my heart doesn't break. When I can sit beside him and not ache for him I will tell him how sorry I am for disrespecting our marriage, him, myself, our family.

No a peep from my WH for a year and half. This story with OW is serious and he is "in love". Plan B is working for me on a personal level, but it is certainly doing nothing to my WH in terms of finding that OW is not meeting his EN etc...or can't step up to the plate.
She obviously can, otherwise he would have shown some signs of the A crumbling, but, from the little I see, the A is actually getting more established.



I know, I feel exactly the same. Right now my heard will just break if I talked to him or had contact with him.
Maybe one day, many years from now, I will be able to not care at all and talk to him like one talks to a stranger on a train ride.
blessing