Have you exposed her to her family and friends on facebook? Have you personally spoken to her parents?

The investigation at work took place this week, all I know is that for now he still has a job, but he thinks there may be some changes and his boss needs to go to the board with any changes next week, so that tells me, yes they found something wrong with his expenses or the affiar and his job will not support their affair.
I did expose anonymously through a anonymous email service, he told me they are looking for the IP address of the person who sent the notes. I think he may still be trying to spook me. I do not know of any HR department to give up an anonymous complaint to the person who the complaint is about, I am sure they will want to avoid anyone going postal. Just nervous if he finds out it is me.

Why are you hiding it?

I am hiding because he will never forgive me. I understand all the logic hear of let him know it is you but i know he will never think about reconciliation if he thinks it is me, that is why I am hiding, I have two small boys and can not take any more angst or anxiety over what has happened. I am already on medication, anything else will send me over the edge. I want him to have the repercusions at work, but I would rather him think it is form someone else.

Have not posted in awhile, My H did get repercussion at work, the OW no longer reports to him and they made him sign a NC with each other during work hours. I wish he was fired. They are still seeing each other, he told me. He wants to come over on Christmas morning, I told him no, that I need to emotionally protect myself and because of the choice he made I know he does not want to be with me/us. (he still says he does not know what he wants). I told him I still want to save our marrige and family but I know that I am the only one that wants to have a future together.
I just can not tolerate sitting with him watching our boys open gifts. No need to play happy family anymore.

Mason -- is there some reason you're not using the MB approaches?

It sounds like you want to be in Plan B, but have not laid the groundwork -- or set it up to be a complete dark seperation from him.

Right now you seem to be in Plan "Be-the-pissed-off-wife-who-punishes-WH-by-not-letting-him-see-the-children-on-christmas-while-he-continues-his-affair"

Is that what you're trying to do?

I am lettinghim see the kids, just not in the morning. He is no longer living in the house, we are still in contact about the kids. I do not have an IM to go back and forth with the kids, he sees them every other weekend. We talk about nothing else, so I guess without an IM I am not in Plan B. I am not punishing him, he will pick the kids up at noon and keep them for the day. I do not know what to do, should i let him come christmas morning?

It is so confusing and sad over the holidays, all I wanted was things to be at least starting to be better by the holidays and they are not. Emotionally it is so much harder. Part of me wants him to help me with Christmas and another part of me wants to shut him out and let him know waht it feels like to be divorced.

If you are in PLan B -- BE IN PLAN B.

Get an intermediary. Do not talk to him at all (not even about the kids.)

Do you have some protection in place financially? Have you been explicit that OW may not see or be around the children?

THE OW lives in Ohio, and my husband is staying with friends so if she does come to visit him it is when he does not have the kids. (he usually stays at his moms with the kids) Financially he puts money into my account to pay the mortgagae and daycare, that has not been an issue, I need to get an IM, all of my family has kids and work full time so that is why I have not set one up yet. He has been in limbo for 5 1/2 months now, I thought the trouble with work would set him off on the right path it has not, I just want to be sure I am doing the right thing about Christmas morning. He just assumed he woule be here and got annoyed when I said I did not want him to be.

Need some advice, Afet the holidays my husband said he wanted to work on things. He broke off the affair. NC was in place. I had a week of I am sorry, I love you and I will do anything to make this work. After the week he pulled away fromme and I justthought well, we need to learn how to become comfortable around each other again. We had been separated for six months. I did expose to everyone but it did nothing. He did not move back in and we agreed to take things slow. He just told me on Thursday that he does not love me anymore and that he wants a divorce. I ammoving to Plan B, no contact, my sister will be the IM. Going to attny on Wedensday to formalize the separation. Anything else I am missing about Plan B? Also, I feel like he is in such a fog and most likely in contact again with his OW. I have lost hope. Any stories of people coming back anfter their WWH said they wanted a divorce. I have alwasy had hope and now I am so sad and angry that my marriage is over,

I don't necessarily believe that your M is over, but I've got to ask: the first time he broke off the A (because you know he's back with her now, right?) exactly how did the two of you 'work on things'? Did you read and implement anything from this site? Do the EN's questionnaire? Talk about POJA?

What did you do to recover? And if he wanted to 'work on things' why did he not move back in?

You are right back at square one, you need to expose the affair again to who ever is important to the two of them. This time from the wife......ask for help saving your marriage....
Go to your attorney and get things set up for you in terms of an agreement, go to the bank change your bank accounts and your credit cards, take care of the business part of this marriage, arrange child care between the two of you.
Now you continue to Plan A him as much as you can.....but be firm that you will not accept a relationship with him as long as there is another person in it.
Tell him that you love him and are willing to be the woman he needs, the two of you can have a better marriage so the both of you are happy........
If he won't then go Dark Plan B, do not talk to him for any reason, go through your sister and let the affair play out............watch how quickly it falls apart, when they lose everything they know and the OW has to fill all their needs it's a whole different ball game...........
Don't let him scare you, be strong, look good, smell good, and show him you are moving on without him.

Read all you can here, put a solid plan together, the vets can help you a great deal............

He has broke up with her a few times. When he told me he did not love me anymore and feelings were not coming back. We were barely intimate> I aksed him is he was going back to her he said no, he wants to be alone. This jut happened Thursday night so I do not have proof he is back with her, just seem logical to me that they are in cotact again. He did not move back in becaue he said he wanted to take things slow, which I was OK with. We was going to come back gradually. He only stayed over twice. I did Plan A him this entire month, in therapy we talked about what our needs are. Did not have a chance to get him to this sight. I told him I wanted to keep our family together, that was my goal and that I think his feelings will come back for, that it takes time. He responded, I do not want this and I do not love you that way anymore. It hurts just to write. So I told fim to get the **** out. and he left. Wanted to the kids this weekend.I said no and have not been in contact since. I think I go to Plan B. I appreciate you saying my marriage is not over, but I feel like it is. I have an appt on Wed. with an attny. Our finances have always been separate. How could he say he does not love me anymore when a month ago when he wanted to come back he said he did stil love me... I am so hurt and confused, felt like D day all over again. I feel like I have no hope left. I do not think our recovery ever got off the ground.

Because he's back with his OW and is conflicted. She is probably pushing him to D you and be with her. He wants both of you.

Why did you never attempt to recover your M using the tools on this site? You didn't have to show him the site.

I did the best Plan A I could, he was pulling away after the first week or so. He has told his family he is not back with the OW. I do not beleive it, he has always lied to everyone. I want to save my marriage so bad but this is the first time he has ever said to me he wanted a divorce, he has usually said he did not know what he wants or what will make him happy. Now I know it is not me. It hurts so much. What do I do next?? I cleaned his closet out and put all of his clothes in garbage bags in the garage. that felt good.
I think I am past plan A at this point and I need to go to Plan B. I do not want to get divorced!!

Any advice on the best chance I have to save my marrige. Does him saying he wants a divorce really means he wants out?? He was as cold as could be when he said it. He showed no emotion and was stoned faced. He is staying with a friend, he told me when he got home he started crying. Why cry, he should be happy. I feel like taking my kids and running away. I am just so upset.

Mason, are you reading what we're posting to you? I've already answered this question. How can we help you if you don't read what we post?

I am sorry I just wantto make sure plan b is the right step. I am very confused and upset today. If so beside no contact, and IM is there anything else I need to know about plan B. I do not want a divorce, but I do not know who my husband is anymore. I am just looking for some hope today, that I do have a chance to save my marriage.

mason, Plan B is the right step for sure. Your H is not undecided at all. He decided a long time ago that he wants BOTH of you. If your marriage can be saved, your best chance is Plan B. I suspect the OW is not able to meet his needs in a comprehensive way, so he is using you to prop up the affair.

Even if he does not come back, Plan B will make the transistion to divorce much easier for you. I would send him a Plan B letter, go into a pitch dark Plan B and don't come out until he has met all your conditions. If you dare lower your standards for reconcilation you will be damning yourself to yet another false recovery.

Does your IM understand that nothing gets through to you except pertinent information about the kids and finances? In her words? Typically a WS will try to send longwinded rationalizations in an attempt to open up contact. The IM has to protect you from that crap. Can she do that?