That means that you have your own parties for your children's birthdays.

Hmmmm, so you think you can't ever get your Ex to see things your way, YOU ARE RIGHT.

You can't MAKE anyone else see things your way and trying to educate a wayward is POINTLESS.

The only things you can control are YOUR actions, so when are you going to start taking control of YOU?

Ed,

The best way to deal with her is to know when to choose your battles. If your ex printed out a picture for a school project, then let it be. You can�t control what she does and what delusions she fills her mind with, but you can control yourself and your own interactions.

I have similar issues with my ex. She comes to me about some major problem she thinks the kids are having. I listen, say little, and then do my own thing if I disagree with her or I go along if I agree, but I normally don�t opine much.

My ex might take this as agreement, but in reality it is just about not engaging.

You shouldn�t have said anything about the picture. Why? Because it shows her you still care to remain engaged and to try to educate her.

She is wrong. You can�t change that or convince her otherwise. Your DD could write about a family memory of a time when you guys were indeed a family.

Let your WW stay delusional, but the fact is that she is an ex. You shouldn�t interact with her at all unless it is an emergency or genuinely an important issue regarding your kids.

And have your own birthday parties for your kids.

You�re still emotionally entangled with your ex. You need to detangle, stop interacting, and move on.

Choose your battles. This wasn�t one worth engaging in. It takes time to learn which battles are worth fighting and which ones aren�t. Here�s a hint: Most aren�t worth fighting.

But seriously, you need to cutoff all contact with your ex unless things are an emergency.

Where do things stand right now with her? How often do you guys interact? Is she still living with you?

She�s the type of woman that will make your life a living he11 if you try to move on and have a relationship someday. She�s the type of ex wife that will have a fit if you ever remarry.

But seriously, move on. Let her go. Stop interacting with her.

Your interaction with her keeps her believing she�ll wear you down and keeps you from moving on. The last I checked, she wasn�t even sure she wanted to be with you because she didn�t feel some sort of �spark�.

So let her go. Don�t interact and if she ever gives you this �I need to feel a spark� thing, then kick her out, tell her you won�t tolerate being second fiddle to anyone, and that you aren�t going to settle for someone that is settling for you.

Watch how her tone will change at that point. She�ll suddenly feel a spark after you grew a set of balls and kicked her to the curb.

But don�t do it for that reason. Do it because she�s an evil manipulative woman that is using you and is emotionally immature.

She is living in her own apartment about 2 minutes from my house. I keep my interaction with her to a minimum and only with issues dealing with the kids. But I have noticed that she will e-mail or text me almost every day. Usually dealing with logistics of overnights, sick kids, snow days last week, etc. I am short and to the point when I reply.

I agree about picking my battles. I just felt that she needed a good smack over the head when she let our daughter use a "family" picture that is not her family anymore!! But I hear you...she is warped and living in a fantasy land. In one of my texts I told her I thought it was wrong to use the picture because that is not our family anymore. She replied... I know and I feel bad about it. I did not reply to her nonsense.

I like the idea of seperate parties for the kids. I know she will think I am crazy and tell me I need to get over my "anger" I know she will say its ridiculous...Do you invite all their friends to both parties? If thats a problem, maybe we take turns hosting the "kid" party...I'm sure we can figure it out.

I will continue to distance myself from her and avoid unnecessary interactions. I can't control her e-mail/texting random questions to me so I will continue to be short and straight to the point when I reply.

She is still seeing OM...her lives a couple hours away and comes up to visit just about every weekend. My guess is that the "spark" they had might be fading away... Regardless, I honestly don't care. I am a better person without her in my life.

Ed,

Learn to pick out which texts and emails truly warrant a response. Do you have a formal visitation schedule? If so, then there is very little need to really discuss at all. Remember the standard: Unless there is blood on the floor or someone is about to die, there is no need for you to interact.

The everyday parenting stuff is stuff that you and her need to figure out on your own.

Now, as far as your DD goes: That picture IS her family. She still has you as dad and still has her as mom. It may not be your status TODAY, but it is still your DD's status. See the difference?

If you have a formal visitation schedule, then stick to that. If you don't, then get one hammered out legally. There's otherwise little reason to stay engaged. Again, think of the standard: blood on the floor or imminent death.

I know many of you said this would happen as soon as I started acting divorced and like I did not care. But I wanted to get some thoughts on how to reply to the following e-mail from my ex-wife. I replied to a couple texts she send asking questions about our daughters homework, so this is what I get

why are you sending me messages on Valentine's Day? Not having a good date? Well, I had a great night with the kids. I loved being with them. They were very sweet and snuggly
We looked at DS's baby book and giggled quite a bit. It was cute. He was the cutest baby EVER.
Dont' you miss that stuff? Don't you ever feel weird with someone else? Just wondering...
Do you ever miss me? Do you ever just get a pang, and feel out of place, as though I should be there? just wondering...I wonder if Roxy (our dog) ever misses me. I miss her horribly. I want to see her and rub her ears

So I can't decide between 3 responses...

1) Completely ignore
2) Reply - but be brief and to the point. Basically say...no I do not miss you. You were a dirty skank ho who screwed another guy while we were married. You had your chances to make things right and did nothing to earn my trust back. So no I don't ever miss you.
3) Forward to OM (whom she is still dating) and tell him to control his girlfriend

Thoughts? I am leaning towards #1 or #3. #3 will really piss her off. I have done this a few other times and it always give me a good laugh. She tells me to quit being immature. I explain that I just want to be sure OM knows what she is saying and feeling. Her lack of communication already destroyed one relationship...

Hi Ed,
are you saying you WW is giving you mixed messages? That maybe she wants to R? Is this a very recent turn of events?
I see very recent posts from you where your WW is telling you that D people can be on friendly terms..and now she sends you a very disturbing email which sort of reveals she is nostalgic?
blessing

Hi there,
Part of me wants you to pick #3, the OM now deserves to know what she is capable of, if I were him I would worry........if she can cheat with you she can cheat on you.....a tangled web she weaves.......
But I think if there is any chance of recovery for you, if you even want that then I would just ignore her for now.............
I think maybe you are lucky she is gone from your life..........it looks like the OM might not be able to trust her either..........
But then he is a cheater too........I forgot for a moment, they might actually expect something like that.........
It's so sick to have to live that way..............so much for feeling safe in this world.
Your love for your son sounds so wonderful, focus on him and the pleasure you get out of that, I remember those days, when you just loved everything about them and thinking they are the cutest kid in the world..........okay got lost in my own little thoughts for a moment.
Be the best man you can be there are many rewards to that.............

She is just trying to control me and prevent me from moving on. She is not serious about a reconciliation. My guess is that she is upset that I am moving on and feels guilty about destroying her family.

We have been down this road before and it always winds up the same. She says things like in the e-mail above and maybe things can be better if we try...blah, blah blah. Then I give her a chance and she does nothing to earn my trust. No meeting of ENs, no transparency, etc. So I am not interested in going down this road yet again.

I am looking for advice on how to reply to this e-mail. I want to be firm and to the point, but am thinking I should also be respectful. She is very emotional and I am worried that things could get ugly as I continue to move on with my life.

If you are in Plan B you never should have gotten this in the first place. How did that happen?

No reply is the best reply. You are on Plan B and yes, she should not be able to email you directly.
If she is emotional....to bad for her. In plan B you should have implemented ways to protect yourself from her abuse.
blessing

Are you in plan B or D? If plan D (as in done) and no chance you want to recover telling the OM is the right thing to do. If your in Plan B (some folks who are divorced are)then ignore it.

I am in plan D - as in done with her. I told her that I we can discuss issues concerning the kids, but that I had no interest in being friends with her.

Then option 3.

email the OM just like this:

FYI

and the below that copy and paste your XWW email to you.

Blessing

I should clarify about plan D... the D was final almost a year ago. Last March...since then, we had one occasion where we spent some time together to see if things could get better. She talked to Steve Harley a couple times, but nothing came out of it. This was last September/October time frame. After two months of this, she began talking to e-mailing OM again because she missed him and there was no spark with us.

Ok, but from what you said you do not want to R the M so option 3 is the option for you.
She told you and showed you in many ways she is not interested in you and now it also seems, from what you tells us, that you are done with her.
However, if you feel like you want to tell something specific to your WW then go ahead and email her whatever you want...I think you have the right to that especially if you are not interested in R.
blessing

I would forward the email to OM, and copy it to her.

Hmm....

It's fairly obvious that the WW here is quite the manipulator and instigator, and is only throwing out bait to see what she can catch. IMO, the best response is no response at all, or even better, a reply about a COMPLETELY different subject, e.g. "How's the weather up there? Down here it's nice and sunny..." etc.. That should drive her crazy, LOL.

ed,

Have you thought about selling the house and moving away from your ex-crazy wife? I would. I could not be able to handle being around such a monster. She is Jeckle and the Hyde here. Or sublease your house (so you make profit) while you and your family move away? I don't mean to take your kids away from her but just think of the garbage she will be putting into their heads as the years go by.

My father-in-law divorced his cheating wife for the very same reasons. She would be cordial, nice, and act like she wanted reconciliation. Then, she would try to make the dad the enemy...

As a result my wife is a messed up person.... Did you know that my wife calls her every year on her parents former anniversary to yell at her????

Your kids don't need that toxic wretch... If you ever tried to move on she would sabotage your new love interest. I could see her popping your tires, stalking you, etc.

Just not worth the drama, not to mention she probably has a lot of STDs. The OM in her life is probably sleeping around when she isn't there... She is probably infected with STDs, why would you want to reconcile?

Eric

I agree she is not worth the drama. I just don't know that I could ever move away due to the divorce decree. My attorney told me that she can object to any move I propose in which case it would be decided by a judge. And the judge will base the decision on whats in the best interests of the kids. So unless, she truly goes crazy and starts slashing tires, stalking, etc. the judge would probably say I need to stay put. I have a good, stable job here as well so it would be a tough sell for me.

That being said, I agree that I need to distance myslef from her. I forwarded her e-mail from last night to OM with a note that he is either incredibly brave or stupid, but either way best of luck to him!

If she gets crazy I will put a restraining order on her and give serious thought to moving.