Steve thought he could get my H to see the light. He calls it modified Plan A. Talk to my H and I - give me suggestions on how to deal with H who is stubborn as a mule and he talks to H directly. Been on the modified plan A for about 2 weeks.

So regarding the exposure to her friends and family - she isn't on facebook or myspace or anything else. I just did email finder and found some local relatives - no emails, just physical addresses. I previously had only exposed to her mother as she has been staying with her - had to translate it into spanish. No way of me knowing whether she got it or not.

Exposed to H's family and their boss - mutual boss who I know. His response was to ignore me. Went no further than boss before - wouldn't expose to anyone but him (although I like thinking about it.)

I think I need to go into full dark Plan B now, too, even without Steve's advice. But was wondering about the exposure mostly - to use photos, to not. To expose to boss again or not.

If you have her family details mention in the exposure that you have explicit photo's of her should they require evidence. Send a copy of the photo's to her mother , she will not need to understand English to see what her daughter has done.

Is the boss their immediate boss, and is there a ceo or a human resources department you can report them too? If the company is corporate owned, there is! Re expose!

And if it were me, who cares of the ow mom speaks another language. I'd find or hire somebody who spoke spanish and have them go to the house and tell the woman in her native tongue what her daughter is doing!

i'd also have them translate it into spanish for exposure in form of letter or facebook entry. Make it CLEAR what the ow is doing. Expose like mad!

I think the photos are affair killers.

I was born in a spanish speaking country and know that many of them are very committed to their marriages and families and would strongly and harshly come down on an ow who was destroying a marriage and family. I could only imagine what they'd do if they saw photos of it! Turn up the heat.

And you can make sure she received the letter (mother or relatives) by simply sending the letters CERTIFIED mail. Send one letter regular mail, and another certified to make sure the all get the news about their skank relative. Kill the affair now! Send them next day too!

You know when to go to Plan B. Your wh just tried to throw you off and send the affair underground further now.

I agree with you 100%. Do you have a letter ready? I would follow the suggestion in SAA to send a copy to the OW with a note on it.

And also consider giving copies of the photos to the OW's mother.

Plan B Letter ready - had written it back in January. Working on exposure letters round 2.

good girl! Do you have an intermediary? One that can be completely neutral?

Unfortunately no. All I have is my mom and she's flaky at best. No mutual friends. No other family really. I know it's not the best but my plan is to block his email, and only let him text me. No phone calls. Already unmarried him on facebook. We have to communicate for daughter but already have a custody schedule in place so contact will be minimal. Only thing is I want my daughter to call me when she's with WH. I'm thinking of getting her a cellphone (age 4!) so she can call me. I won't speak to him at all. I know the goal is to block all contact but for the first week, I was great at ignoring him. It's when he started apologizing that I let him in. He seemed to really be doing and saying the right things - Steve even thought he was making a change.

I need to practice something like this...I'd be happy to talk to you about our marriage when you agree to full no contact with POSOW, get another job by summer, agree to MB 100% and agree to full transparency and honesty. Until then, we have nothing to discuss."

FM, that would be a disaster if he were allowed to contact you via text and is NOT Plan B!

If you have no one else, then use your mother and get her agreement to ONLY pass on pertinent information in her own words that relates to finances and visitation. Would she do that?


No, you should not communicate AT ALL. Otherwise it completely defeats the purpose of Plan B. In order to have any effect at all, Plan B has to be completely dark.

Dr Harley addresses this aspect over and over again and mentioned it in a post just yesterday:

\

Instead of making it a condition that he "agree" to those things, I would make it a condition that he DO those things. The conditions should be:

1. end all contact with the OW

2. commit to recovery of your marriage

Thanks again for the advice.

I went ahead and exposed again to boss. I have mixed feelings about it but did attach the very graphic photos of her "nasty bits." I just felt I needed to strike while the iron is hot.

I also put exposure letters in mail to OW's family. No photos except for Mom.

Does it make sense to reexpose to H's family. No photos but maybe tell the type of evidence I have? Didn't hea a peep from them last time but maybe it's worth a shot.

Plan B letters going out on Monday to H and OW, reiterating that I'm in it for the long haul.

I am officially plan B. And I am feelin' fine.

Haven't seen or spoken to H since Saturday. Mailed Plan B letter.

Exposure this weekend resulted in me getting a call from the police - not sure if they're going to warn me or what. Already spoke to atty. just in case.

My intermediary is set up. I blocked my email, cell, etc. Tomorrow I'll pack up his stuff and leave it outside for him to pick up when he drops off DD this weekend.

Every day I do not speak to him, I feel stronger. With every person I tell, I feel stronger. I sleep better. Maybe this is a honeymoon phase and I'll miss him soon. Or maybe I won't...

I keep thinking about all the times he made me feel badly about myself, criticized me, bullied me and I feel like it all started around the time of the OW. I know it was all to justify his behavior but it doesn't hurt any less knowing that's what he did.

Be strong.

Whatever comes.....just breathe and do not react to anything. Calmly respond....but stay dark to your WH. (It IS sanity for you for sure)

In Plan B since last Saturday.

Have been putting off filing legal separation but two things have come up: H is taking money out of bank account, at this rate about $1,000/month in cash. And he is going back on his agreement about custody of DD4.

Custody of DD4 is 2 overnights/week (either Thursday & Friday or Saturday & Sunday) plus one night out. H is being difficult about drop off and pick up times (late on purpose), although we had already agreed. Overheard him tell my IM (my mom) that he's going to give me a new schedule and that's what we're going to use. H seemed to accept custody a few weeks ago but that was before I re-exposed with naked pictures.

Feel like I have no choice but to go legal separation at this point to protect my rights. H has consistently bullied me into things and I will stand up to him. I'm in Plan B so will need atty to handle. As far as I know, he hasn't seen atty yet. Not sure what he's waiting for.

I think he's using this issue to get back at me for exposure at work and to family. Any advice?

A legal separation is always the best path when you are in Plan B. This protects you legally.


And how did you "hear" your H if you are in plan B?? I would not be listening to any voicemails, nothing.

H arrived 45 minutes late, past DD4 bed time so I was in house (hadn't planned on it) and H was loud. Couldn't help but overhear.

Definitely if he is trying to bully and not following your agreement....legal sep. sounds the best way to go.
It will give you further protection from the affair.

Thanks MelodyLane & Reading.

I feel its my only option but am concerned about my H's reaction - escalation. But I can't think about it now. I have to protect my DD and myself.

It's funny - when he was trying to reconcile, he agreed to custody. Now, he's mad (2nd exposure, my plan B) and wants to change it. It's all about him...

In Plan B.....you must not worry about the reaction/escalation.
You must do what is RIGHT for YOU. Without regard to how big of a tantrum potentially will go on over on the other side of the fence. YK?
In Plan B.....it is now all about YOU. You moving forward into the future and protecting your position financially and physically.

I know it is tough to overcome the sense of fear. Fear of this. Fear of that. Fear of so many things we dread happening. Face the fear and try to feel for what is right with your soul.

If your WH is cashing out your money and having issues with child visitation...deal with it now...

Really tough day for me.

My wedding anniv.
Saw attorney and formalized legal separation.
I discovered I might be pregnant from one of our short lived reconciliations.

I went for a drive and asked parents to put down DD. Got home and H called my mother (also my IM) screaming at her. I usually have DD call H on the nights he does not have her (my idea by the way) and forgot with everything that's going on. IM/Mom said I wasn't home but I had just walked in. H said he was coming to get DD b/c I wasn't around. IM/Mom said no, she just came home.

H asked to speak to me and laid into me. Meanwhile, he's at OW's house. Telling me I'm lying. He's filing for D next week. Know OW is listening. H tells me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore and doesn't want me. He says I'm lying to everyone. I'm playing the victim.

I shouldn't have even engaged him but I feel so overwhelmed.

I feel like giving up today. I feel like just filing for D and moving on with my life. I want to fight for my DD and for what I deserve out of marriage but I really dislike my H right now. And I don't want to hate him. Every ounce of love I have for him is quickly fading and all I see is this pathetic loser who can't tell me the truth about one thing.

He's my DD's father and I have to live with that. I hate confrontations with him as they make feel so drained. So I get tempted to just roll over and let him walk all over me. But...it's just a momentary thing and then I snap out of it.

Not really any questions here. Just going through a tough time and needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Forgot to mention some funny things my H said to me.

"I was 1/4 of inch from breaking it off with OW until you demanded I leave my job." He called me from OW's house tonight after taking her to dinner on my AMEX card.

"Our divorce is a shared decision (since you won't accept me working side by side with OW and I won't quit my job.)" To that I responded that I don't and never did want a divorce.

"I love you and miss you. But my attorney said you were abusive (I guess b/c I insisted he quit his job.)"

"All the things you're doing right now (exposure) make it impossible that I could ever get back together with you. People will think I'm insane."

My response to that one was, "so people think it would be totally sane and acceptable if you dumped your wife and kid for a POSOW who takes pictures of her crotch? But staying in your marriage and resolving our issues would appear irrational?"

I told him a few weeks ago that he was bullying me. Never had said that before to him. So of course he accuses me of bullying him tonight.

H told me we had a "loveless marriage." News to me.

Funny, foggy wayward.