luri, I've asked a time or two for you to show me where you're being attacked here, and each time you've kind of ended up saying you weren't really attacked, just dealing with your own feelings. You seem really, really defensive, friend.

I know you weren't too happy many months back when your post about a Kevin Leman book was edited on somebody's thread, but nobody was targeting you specifically. You really seem to have made it so personal. I'm pretty sure you were always welcome, then and now, to start a thread talking about Leman's books.

Ever since that moment, it's like something changed.

Even your name.


Please, luri. It's not about YOU.


I'm sure you're welcome to notify the moderators, and then it would be known.

Personally I think this thread has long since run its course.

But it's not about personal attacks. These are people's deeply-held theological beliefs. They are not at all about people personally as individuals; they are about clashes of interpretations of Scripture that are literally centuries old. They are not going to be resolved here, and people are not posting about them just because they want to be mean. To some people these things are just as important as whether or not Jesus, Muhammad, and Joseph Smith were prophets. People don't defend beliefs of that level because they feel like making personal attacks.

Do you realize that people are saying "Please don't attack us with the word 'bitter,'" and you are saying "I'm human, please don't make me face my mistake, it makes me feel attacked"?

This has nothing to do with your humanity, or your value as a person or to the board. People just said "Hey, that hurts," and instead of focusing on their hurt, you are focusing rather loudly on how uncomfortable it makes you feel for a mistake to be pointed out.


I'm of the opinion that your use of the word "bitter" might be considered to be pretty minimal by some reasonable people.

But I'm of the belief that your earnest attempt to minimize it as "a slip" and "I'm only human" is the really important thing here, for you.

Do you see yourself doing this? Minimizing your mistakes and other people's hurts?

I'm not even posting about the other people's hurts, I'm just trying to hand you a mirror, for you.

And I think other people are doing that, too, and instead of looking in the mirror you are complaining about people's opinion of you supposedly radically changing.

Nobody is trying to persuade you that you are a person lacking value.

But I think they do believe that you would want to know about what is in the mirror.

One interesting lesson I've learned here in the last year is that if I'm defending myself, I'm being defensive. Even if I'm right.

Oh, somebody did see it! I thought it got buried!

You're right. And I am not managing triggers well at times. There are two or three major triggers that I need to learn better how to respond to.....that I need to learn NOT to respond to. My mother is not on this board. My father is not on this board. My former principal is not on this board. Mrs. S, Mrs. St., and Mrs. W are not on this board.

I have allowed the rug that was yanked out from under me in other ways to color way too many parts of life. You know, my comment about bitterness is really in some ways an indictment. It's been a year since all the stuff that changed a lot of life that has nothing to do with any forum....and I'M still struggling with hurt and anger and knowing that those people will never.....ever even FEEL anything about it.

And what I went through doesn't even touch being betrayed by one's spouse. I imagine taking my pain and multiplying it by 100 might be what that feels like. And when I think of it that way....I am amazed that the BS's on here have survived.

So now I have to figure out if navel gazing is warranted or if I just....forget it? But I can't forget. I just pack it up in a box and move on like.....it doesn't matter? Forgive me for musing, but I think it reinforces empathy.

I don't care about the Kevin Lehman thing. It's MB, not sheet music.com. And most of why it kept dogging me was curiosity, which was satisfied. I mean, one of my pet peeves on the Christian forum I am part of is when an angry atheist follows people around questioning everything. Hello!! Christian forum!!! So it makes sense that an MB forum would be about.....MB.

I think I treat this forum too much like "group therapy." Probably need to see a real one....but what would I talk about?

Beware the blond woman with hair spray induced brain damage

Oh, I saw it. Just ignored it.

I should have been up living my real life instead of going 'round in circles with people who are not going to see things my way. But as you pointed out, the issues induce passion and well, passion filled people (like me) often can't quit talking.

For the record, I do think it is okay in general for people to discuss issues that have been unresolved for centuries.

I just wanted to do my part to encourage realistic expectations.

A different imagery/visual.
I experience your moods like a ping-pong ball.
Usually, I can anticipate the direction you will travel, then the ping-pong ball takes a sudden bounce in a weird direction.
And I go: "Hey? What was THAT?"

Do not denounce your sensitivity.
God made you that way.

Find new ways to deal with that God-given sensitivity.

Love,
Pepster

NC I hope you're still lurking around.

Though I understand why others would not want to help you - it is ENTIRELY within their right to do so and I understand their position and feelings - I would be willing to help you, talk to you, work with you - as a friend.

I also think that you could help me. My mother is in a similar situation as you - married for 25 years to her affair partner. I've been working over this last year on forgiveness and loving her. I would appreciate some of your insight and thoughts.

If you could check out my profile, my email addy is there and I'd appreciate it if you emailed me. Or, you could click Notify on my post and ask a mod to give you my addy.

Hey Luri, I didn't know that was you. I want you to know that THIS quote from you post is a very humble and open post. I see more of you and less of the defensiveness here.

I have been through a lot in my life. Some at my own hands, like you. I don't know your hurts but they are yours and I won't discount them. I just wanted to say that I truly believe that acceptance, forgiveness and working through your pain is much better than spending hours in IC talking about your past. There is nothing we can do to change the past. I learned a lot posting here on MB the last nearly 6 years. My M may not be a MB model but I as an individual have gained loads of wisdom and insight from the people here. Add to that my faith and my desire to be the woman God wants me to be and you get a much improved person!

Glad you are here.

NC, thank you for this thread. I haven't posted since your initial question but I appreciate your humble nature. I may be able to forgive my H's OW's one day because of you.

I just wanted to say that NC has been THE BEST EVER FOW/OW ever to post on this site. She took her 2x4's very well .. and owned up to her mistakes. She has seeked out god in all this and only HE can forgive her. If she was not with jesus before her affair then just as the parable of the lost son who was found .. so is she. And God WILL love her for that and has or will most likely forgive her for her transgressions. I say .. help her save her marriage .. for god says.....

Matthew 7

1"Do not judge so that you will not be judged.

2"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

3"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

4"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?

5"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

NC ... you had alot of guts and courage to come here and for that I commend you. You did not get defensive .. you did not get offensive (other than the perspective of others through their hurt and experiences)I think God sees your repentance. Sin is sin in gods eyes .. no matter how big or small we as humans see it.

Make your bed that you lay in and tidy it up as best you can. Brush out the wrinkles, fluff the pillows ... tighten the edges and fold that little end of the sheet over the top blanket. (figuratively speaking of course). May you find peace and love again in your life, regardless of the road you traveled down to get to where you are now.

God Bless

NC, I haven't made it all the way through your thread, only on page 4, so I apologize in advance if this has already been said...

while, yes, the Bible says very clearly God hates divorce, it also says very clearly that adultery is His approved grounds for divorce.

Regardless of the fact that your marriage was the result of an affair (bad decision on your part) his subsequent affair gives you spiritual grounds for divorcing this man. Those aren�t my interpretations: they are clear, concise, black and white scriptures. If you believe the Bible is correct as written, I can find the references for you�

Ok, I will finish reading the rest of your thread now�

DTC

I'm still only halfway through the thread so apologize if this has been addressed, but IIRC there are scriptures saying that when someone leaves their spouse, for non biblical reasons, they should go back to that spouse. But if that person they left has remarried, the FWS is no longer obligated to try and go back to them. of course, I don't think those scriptures were talking about adultery.