Because if I ever saw him I'd rip his head off for hitting her. She has every right to leave him.

Did he admit to you that he hit her? Or is this something she told you?

We've had untold numbers of betrayed spouses on here who were stunned to learn that they were supposedly hitting/verbally abusing/etc their wayward, when in fact they had never raised a hand to them.

We've had untold numbers of betrayed spouses on here who actually bought that, and were afraid to expose the affair to the other betrayed spouse because they were "crazy, gun-toting lunatics" who would show up at the betrayed's house to kill everyone inside. In the end it comes out that the other spouse was nothing of the kind.

Well unless she got mugged on the way home each of those days I believe her.

Not sure why I need to justify this with you. I trust her more than I trust half my family.

You don't need to justify anything with me. I'm telling you that you are in a precarious situation that may well land you in a place you don't want to be. You don't see it - you're too close to the situation.

But I'll go with you to find out more - maybe there's something I'm missing: she went to the police with these injuries? the hospital? Is there a protective order against her H? Who filed for divorce? How many times did he batter her? Was he arrested? Is he in jail now?

And have you talked to him? I would imagine, as a good friend, that you would have contacted him by now to let him know that there are eyes on him? That you are in your female friend's corner and supporting her escape from him? Because if I had a good friend who meant more to me than my family members who was being beaten up, I would be inclined to let the 'beater' know that he wouldn't be doing that to my friend anymore.

Not doing me much good to act tough when I'm 7000 miles away. If I was around you're damn right I'd be saying something to him. She doesn't want to go to the police; she just wants to leave him (she filed). The poor sap has 7 kids I doubt she wants to put him in an already worse situation.

Ooookay, Chris. I'm seeing a train screaming down the tracks at you right now. But you feel comfortable playing chicken and not jumping off those tracks. I'll not say more about it.

Keep barreling down that mountain road. Keep careening as close to the edge. Keep believing you're a wonderful driver.

I pray you are.

Because you are already riding the edge, and the people here are trying to tell you what is going on.

They have more objectivity than you.

But they're not the ones that are going to have to look your kids in they eye when you go sailing off that cliff.

I'm sure they'll feel better to know that Daddy joined Mommy in destroying their family, their childhood, their sense of security so that he could have a friend.

They'll be ok learning that they can't depend on EITHER parent because they're so self absorbed in their own needs that they can't actually protect their kids.

Willpower has nothing to do with it.

Committing adultery is a series of infinitely small steps.

You made the choice to have romantic feelings for this girl in the distant past. One of the consequences of that is that you will always have a predisposition to romantic feelings for her. You can chose the act, but you can't chose the consequences.

I don't care HOW strong your will is. You are vulnerable. You are detached and withdrawn from your wife due to her affair. You want someone to confide in, you want intimacy, and you are being intimate with this woman (conversation is intimacy). You already know you can have feelings for her, creating intimacy invites those feelings back.

You're driving down the mountain road.... and you don't even see it.

You aren't even bothered enough to take extra precautions.... trusting in your willpower.

Sorry, dude, you aren't a saint or a rock.

But keep lying to yourself. The same lies your wife is telling herself, keep telling them to yourself. You'll believe them long enough to nosedive off the cliff.

I cannot bear to watch an adultery unfold before my eyes.

I hope your kids survive the fall out.

Chris, famous last words; "I never meant to get involved in an affair..."

This is not just dangerous due to the exchange going on, not just dangerous because you are assisting a woman who needs help (and with this, Chris, you are depositing units into her Love Bank), but you are dealing with your own betrayal right now, which can sweep you right off into wayward land.

Then again, maybe that's what you want...

No, we are saying that you ARE cheating. You've admitted it to us. You're just calling it something else.

It's like an alcoholic who goes to the bar with his coworkers and customers and calls it "business drinks" but claims not to be an alcoholic. What he needs to do is not change is vocabulary; what he needs to do is quit going to the bar.

You have already admitted you are cheating. It's just that you think it's okay.

FOG HORN

You already are doing something to jeopardize your marriage.

Yes, you are awesome. This makes you a real winner.

So, are you leagues ahead because you've admitted you have a problem? If so, what are you going to do about the problem?

And if it's not a problem, why does it make you leagues ahead to admit it?

Rofl.....do you honestly believe the whole ''if u don't want to cheat then u won't?'' Really??????????????

You sir is one fog babble ws

You want to fight with us? Fine

And everyine else who is trying to educate this man can I just remind you

How hard is it to educate a ws? They r defensive it is no use.

Just wait and be patient when he come back here two months later and says...

''YOU WHERE ALL RIGHT AND I WAS WRONG''

Is something not worth doing just because it's difficult?
Some WS will listen. You may never know who they are.

Maybe this will help bs what NOT to do when their spouse is cheating...

Avenge affairs just makes things worse

Gawd.

If I pulled that, I would never come back... I would be so dang embarrassed....

I believe this was a problem that is WW had with him in the beginning of his marriage.

So he is back with his Wayward ways.

If he was truly a good friend he would make sure his friend got the help she really needed. Instead he is using her to get his needs met. His XGF is in an abusive relationship. He says that if he wasn't 7000 miles away he would of harmed XGF husband.

@Chris Horse Manure! You are taking advantage of your XGF to get your needs met. Instead of being a predator why don't you tell her she needs to go to the police and protect herself legally and physically. Why don't you make this happen?

Exactly!

This sums it up pretty well:

Chris, you're getting piled on here, and I won't add to it. I admire you for being in the service (Thanks)and you are in a terrible situation with your wife - that I can TOTALLY relate to.

But I also know what its like to look out into the world and think there are a million women that would be better.

All I ask is that if you find yourself thinking about her, wanting to talk, wanting to be closer. Do a self check. Are you starting to need this person? Because if you do, thats a problem.

I'm an MB novice Chris but even to me.....your assertions about your willpower make you sound like those of a drunk who thinks he can quit whenever he wants to......he just drinks socially....."what's the big deal"? Yikes!

We've had them come back and admit it. Then we've rolled up our sleeves and tried to help them dig out.

It's so much easier, though, when it's caught right away...