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#2478466 02/17/11 02:32 PM
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9 mos. after D-day and 7 mos. after NC, POSOW asked me to be her friend on FB yesterday. I couldn't believe my eyes. My question is.....should I tell my WH? My first instict was to tell him and be honest, now I'm confused as to what to do. Btw, I figured out how to block her today.


BW(me)41
WH 40
DD19, DS16, DD14.
M19 yrs. Together 21yrs
D-Day 05/05/2010
Trying to work on M together with MB principles.

What's meant to be will always find a way.
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Originally Posted by sunshine92
9 mos. after D-day and 7 mos. after NC, POSOW asked me to be her friend on FB yesterday. I couldn't believe my eyes. My question is.....should I tell my WH? My first instict was to tell him and be honest, now I'm confused as to what to do. Btw, I figured out how to block her today.
Oh, for crying out loud. What's she going to do next - invite you to dinner?? faint

Good on blocking. No, I wouldn't tell your H. Put this in your pocket for now. You don't want to trigger him by even talking about it.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Thank you, MB! I was shocked! It really pissed me off! How dare she! Did she really think I would respond to her outrageous request?


BW(me)41
WH 40
DD19, DS16, DD14.
M19 yrs. Together 21yrs
D-Day 05/05/2010
Trying to work on M together with MB principles.

What's meant to be will always find a way.
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Mine tried to follow me on Twitter two YEARS after Dday #2. I did tell my dh, but we had more time behind us.


Me: BS 42
Him: WS 44
Daughter 15, son 11
DDay 4/20/07
DDay#2 8/3or4/07 (love that I can't remember if it was the 3rd or 4th)
Recovering.
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Quote
Thank you, MB! I was shocked! It really pissed me off! How dare she! Did she really think I would respond to her outrageous request?

There is a warped possibility that she is attempting to break NC, can't do it with your H and is desperately using you as her only way of getting a fix, even if it's vicariously through you.

Enjoy the fact that she is probably burning up a lot of internet hours, jumping on FB to see your response. And she won't get one! Excellent.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Yup, I wouldn't advise telling (since you're the BS) until you have at least several years of solid R behind you. Even then, it would be on a case by case basis.

Any time you can protect your FWH from a trigger, by all means do so.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Oh, for crying out loud. What's she going to do next - invite you to dinner?? faint

ROFL!! rotflmao


BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time


There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis


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She's probably trying to use you to get to him in some way or is trying to ease her guilt.

You did the right thing.

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Post LOTS of pictures of you and your H snuggling and being smoochy smoochy! None of just H. ALL of them of you two together.

LG

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It may well be that she didn't actually mean to add you - have you ever emailed her? I know when I joined facebook loads of people were suddenly on my friends list that I didn't add and it was because i'd accidently clicked something that sent friends requests to anyone in my email account (and my email accound adds anyone i've emailed at any time).

If she DID try and add you then she's a freakin' idiot. But blocking her is the maturist response you can give, so way to go you smile

I wouldn't tell you WH. As a WW myself I would have no problems with my BH witholding that from me. Specially as it doesn't sound from your post like she said anything specifically, no message attached to the request or anything?

She probably just wants to spy and see if things are working out, but don't give her the chance to satisfy her curiosity.


WW (me), 24
BH, 28
Married 11 months, together 6 years when BS discovered
PA w/ co-worker
D-Day Feb 12 2011
Trying to rebuild trust
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she doesn't deserve a minute of your time, stop giving her any power at all.........POSOW remember


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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I get a number of Facebook friend requests. Those people who I don't consider friends I simply ignore. No one gets a response from someone who doesn't answer a friend request.

I've made it clear to my real friends that I use Facebook to keep up with distant relatives, local restaurant specials, running events and other activities I'm interested in.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer face-to-face interactions with my friends.

(Side note: This morning during my small group Bible study, one of our guys commented on how these days if you drive past a school bus stop you'll see the kids all standing around with earphones and handhelds -- no one is interacting with one another).

"Social networking" is actually social withdrawal.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Ok, new update. POSOW did message be on FB, sometime between friending me and me blocking her. I noticed it this morning.
I am so confused and scared. Just please realize here that these are NOT
my words, but a quote from POSOW's message to me.

"Your husband has had 3 A's on you, and two of them
were with BLACK women, so what makes you so special if
your WH has had 3 A's"?

My question is, I know Other Women lie, but why would she lie about this? Why would she go into
detail about 3 A's and the color of someones skin? There is
more, alot more, to reveal about my WH, I will post as
questions arise. Thank you.


BW(me)41
WH 40
DD19, DS16, DD14.
M19 yrs. Together 21yrs
D-Day 05/05/2010
Trying to work on M together with MB principles.

What's meant to be will always find a way.
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Sunshine, do not engage in this banter with the OW. Block her and just understand that she is not a good person to have in your life, if you are trying to recover, does it matter, how many and with whom? The damage is done, you are trying to get past all that....


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Believe me JT, she is blocked! I know I probably should have deleted it without looking, but I couldn't. My WH has had
2 PA's, but a third one I don't know about? Really?


BW(me)41
WH 40
DD19, DS16, DD14.
M19 yrs. Together 21yrs
D-Day 05/05/2010
Trying to work on M together with MB principles.

What's meant to be will always find a way.
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I would ask him about this and watch his reaction. If he has had 2 affairs that you know of, I would be asking him to pass a polygraph. In fact, I would set up an appointment and tell him 2 days in advance. When you tell him, hand him a list of questions and tell him he has a 2 day amnesty to clear himself.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I disagree with Jessi somewhat. The history does matter. How many and with whom is important. You have a right to know the truth of your life.

That said, OW is probably fabricating it all to get under your skin. Unless she provided you with some hardcore evidence that is verifiable about other AP's then I would completely ignore her.

Sorry this is happening to you sunshine. I'm sure it feels like a sucker punch to the gut.

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What a horrible, evil, pathetically small woman she is.

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Originally Posted by sunshine92
Ok, new update. POSOW did message be on FB, sometime between friending me and me blocking her. I noticed it this morning.
I am so confused and scared. Just please realize here that these are NOT
my words, but a quote from POSOW's message to me.

"Your husband has had 3 A's on you, and two of them
were with BLACK women, so what makes you so special if
your WH has had 3 A's"?

My question is, I know Other Women lie, but why would she lie about this? Why would she go into
detail about 3 A's and the color of someones skin? There is
more, alot more, to reveal about my WH, I will post as
questions arise. Thank you.
Yeah, those vindictive OW can be real pistols. mad

I'd like to hear the rest of your story before I comment further.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Sunshine:

OW will try ANYTHING after the fact, to get attention again. They had your WH attention for so long, and now its gone. My OW tried to gain attention too.

When she knew that is was finally over between us, she called my BW. And outed me, thinking that my BW would dump me, and OW could have me. Big mistake. It didn't work that way. For 4.5 years I refused to leave my BW and be with OW. Why would I do it now?

So, the OW friended you on FB, and told you that you WH is/was having an affair with 2 OTHER OW. Do you think your WH told OW that she was with these OW? Even if he was with them, do you think he would tell OW that? No. It sounds like all OW wants is to create drama and get more attention from your WH.

Maybe you will throw him out. He had two other A's? With Black women! OMG! How can you be with someone like THAT!

Good question. How could this OW be with someone like that?

And she still wants to after finding that out. Whacky she is, and proof that you are SO MUCH better than her.

I would block her and not reply at all. And post those pics of you and H.

LG

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