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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
NC ~ PLEASE have the courtesy of NOT asking for help on these boards. There are far too many in terrible pain right now from a spouse's affair...this would be ridiculously cruel.

If you want help from MB, please do it in private, from the Harley's. I am sincerely asking you do not do this on these boards. You will not get the help you need on these boards, trust me.

x2


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But, the more I have thought about it I am going to speak to them together because if ever there is a lesson you need to hear before embarking on a marriage, this is it. I just hope that I will not be ruined forever in my future DIL's eyes.

Point them to MB. Buy them some of the books on what to do to have a good M as well as what to do to protect a M from an A.

That would be an awesome gift. They do not have a good role model for M in real life. They can learn a lot from MB.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
[quote=stillhere8126]..David had Bathsheba's husband killed so he could be with her....does that mean his marriage to her was invalid?
Well it sure was cursed..

Thank you EE for pointing out the scriptures I could not find yesterday, and the reference to the Blue-eyed Jesus, well your right there too.

A former Rabbi who had converted to Evangelistic Christianity cae to teach once at our church, he said Christ was a short guy with nappy hair and stocky, not the surfer dude with nice Abs we see in pictures.

The validity of this new marriage before God, well, in the absence of understanding a relationship with God is Gods most highest desire and priority, and understanding that God will use anything to get us to come to Him, why would he not use our lust patterns and the pain we suffer from them to bring us to Him? Why does God bless marriages? or should I say how? I would say only when He is the priority can we truly love another, and it is far beyond a business deal, at least it that is found out by the many who would seek to twist a marriage to their own gain, and neglect His other subject, whom he loves just as much.

Someone brought out the point that Hell was mentioned many times in the Bible, of course it is, most of us do not even open our eyes untill life, consequences, deemed by God IMO, for change,(repentance) hits us in the head with a 2x4. I can agree with that. I also think that if Christ remembers no more the sins of the past, it is only because we are hard-hearted and not capable of forgiveness that we keep bringing them up.

I am still struggling with forgivness, and am only human and limited, and maybe I will be scarred for the rest of my life here on earth as far as relationships, but the promise that I can seek the kingdom of God first, and all things will be added unto me, (Which I take as in the now and experientually also), keeps me going and gives me hope.

I believe that anything outside the will of God is evil, and everything we experience here is designed to draw us to Him. Its no surprise to me that NC had to experience what she did in her human weakness to come to that point, but I will let God deal with that, as he apparently has, or she would not be here.

God has pruned back the vine, and shook what things that can be shaken, so only He remains for her. What he cares about is that she sins no more, and not the details of her blindness. It is by Gods laws and our interpetations and judgements, of someone who did not even understand them much less trust them at one time, that we might tend to enslave her. She really screwed up, we would be reticent<sp>, to say differently, but to condemn her present life she may or may not be able to build with or without her WH. I pray she finds peace from the curse she has bought into, and that

Joel 2:24-26 (King James Version)

24 And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.

25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.



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We are separated currently but he is not in an active affair at this time.

Just to be clear, I do not plan to ask for help on restoring this marriage on these boards. We do have Harley's books, and a counselor who is on board with Harley's philosophy's. I will call the Harleys direct if needed. I think it would be disrepectful and too hurtful to BWs and BHs to expect help actually on these boards.

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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Can we MB that?
Can we MB what exactly?

Some of the BSs here are only going to be able to view this from the BW in this situation's perspective. She continues to be hurt and offended by NewCreations presence in her life and wants nothing for her children or herself to do with the NC...and I can only say if I was in her position I would probably feel the same way.

No matter how many years they are married or how sincere NC seems, I can't seem to muster up more than that when I look at this thread other than to feel sad about how people were/may be triggered when they read it...

And so honesty and sincerity is met with condemnation by those who speak with their tongues about forgiveness, and their actions show what is truly in their hearts.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by NewCreation2011
We are separated currently but he is not in an active affair at this time.

Just to be clear, I do not plan to ask for help on restoring this marriage on these boards. We do have Harley's books, and a counselor who is on board with Harley's philosophy's. I will call the Harleys direct if needed. I think it would be disrepectful and too hurtful to BWs and BHs to expect help actually on these boards.

Thank you.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Bitter...thats the word I am looking for...I am bitter...

Considering your situation, I couldn't blame you.

DITTO!

Still ~
My prayer for you is that God will show you how you can be "released" from this bitterness!
Life is too short ~
And ~
You are too precious to continue in this state!
IMHO...
God Bless ~
smile


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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
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And that is my point....God forgave David and yet the marriage to Bathsheba remained.

So are you also saying that a bank robber can repent for stealing the money, while still SPENDING the money?

He needs to re-pay the bank in order to fully repent AND be forgiven, IMHO. This seems like common sense, no?

How can you fully repent when you are STILL COMMITTING THE CRIME?

What if the bank robber spent the money on bubble gum that he chewed all up?

What then? Does he never get forgivness? What if he decides to pay the money back only to discover that a new government has taken over and his currency is worthless?

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What if the bank robber spent the money on bubble gum that he chewed all up?....What if he decides to pay the money back only to discover that a new government has taken over and his currency is worthless?

Then he gets a job and STILL has to RE-PAY THE MONEY.

That is part of the consequence. The bank isn't going to just let him skip on out of there with a "oh, the money's been chewed up? I guess we're just SOL then!". Noooo...he must find a way to re-pay the bank.




Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Yes....First she needs to decide if she wants to same the M....

Then I think some info...like about his A....and why they are now separated....

She might want to even try counseling with the Harleys, if she wants to try and save her M....I know for me, it might just be a little hard for me to be nonjudgemental...But others might be able to help her....

NC ~ PLEASE have the courtesy of NOT asking for help on these boards. There are far too many in terrible pain right now from a spouse's affair...this would be ridiculously cruel.

If you want help from MB, please do it in private, from the Harley's. I am sincerely asking you do not do this on these boards. You will not get the help you need on these boards, trust me.

@MarriedForever ~
I respectfully disagree with you...
I have yet to see/hear the Harley's admonish people who are in NC's shoes to "stay away".
From my limited knowledge, this forum is "open" to "all"...
Even NC...
I have a possible solution for the BS's who are members of this forum...
If NC's thread is too painful for you to read, please refrain...
There "may" be "some" who come to this forum who "may" benefit from NC's thread...
IMHO, that is...
God Bless ~
smile


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Love ~ you can disagree with me all you want. I've been around these boards long enough to know that a full-on board war WILL erupt if she tries posting here.

There will be tons of anguished words, lots of tears and a boatload of unnecessary hurt and triggering from the many BSs here who are hurting terribly. Trust me. This would be incredibly disrespectful. Every single time an affairage has tried to get help here the thread gets locked because it is so painful.



Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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P.S. the problem, Love, for hurting BSs to just "stay away" is...the often don't know until it's TOO LATE that they are reading/helping out on a thread that is an AFFAIRAGE.

The same exact type of relationsh*t that their spouse is actively engaged in. How would you like it if your WH and his OW married and then came here, to MB, asking for help? Would you want to help them?

Insanity to even suggest such a thing. Truly heartless, Love.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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I'll remind those of you who wish to quote scripture and define repentance and forgiveness, that it is His to give, and not yours, and I would also like to remind you of Matthew:

Quote
The Sheep and the Goats
31 �When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 �Then the King will say to those on his right, �Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.�

37 �Then the righteous will answer him, �Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?�

40 �The King will reply, �Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.�

41 �Then he will say to those on his left, �Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.�

44 �They also will answer, �Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?�

45 �He will reply, �Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.�

46 �Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.�


The sheep helped those in need, and did not wait to find if they were in some form acceptable, they did not weigh their own situation versus their charity - they simply helped another soul in need. No questions, no judgements; they simply rendered aid.

The goats? Well, they wanted to make sure anyone they might help would be Godly, and worthy of their charity. They wanted some type of reward or righteousness before they could possibly render any aid to anyone. We see where their righteousness led them.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Every single time an affairage has tried to get help here the thread gets locked because it is so painful.

The last one in 101 was a 1 day bickerfest.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
The way I interpret the Bible....The BW and WH are bound together forever...and if there is infidelity then the betrayed can divorce the Wayward and not have to act as a spouse should, but cannot remarry....Both are not supposed to remarry. That is just my interpretation....Only death can be a reason to remarry.

Hey still, sorry to see you are sick,(your avatar)

I can't see that people who are not willing to submit to God first, can even understand what marriage is in the first place.

Again it is to take care of someone in the way which God does, and a challenge in that light also.

Agreed, that people learn as they go along, and that adultry is just one of the pitfalls possibly endured in a marriage, along with as we have all learned through DH Hs help, the many forms of selfishness we take on in the marriage.

I just don't agree with "marriage at any cost", and seperation or D is IMO a viable reason to leave someone who is abuseing you, adultry being the most painful, but certainly not the only abuse.

I want to encourage you to seek what is peaceable between you and God, and be blessed by His presence in your life.

Of course it is your choice whether to get married again, don't let mans interpretation of Old Testement Law take away form the Grace bestowed upon us from Christ. Like ML says, "The only thing worse than not keeping a promise is keeping a bad promise" You are free to find someone who will keep a good one at any time.

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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Every single time an affairage has tried to get help here the thread gets locked because it is so painful.

The last one in 101 was a 1 day bickerfest.

Exactly. It triggers lots of people and many here feel incredibly disrespected that an affairage like the one that's ripped their life apart, is getting help.

It's truly disrespectful and cruel.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

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I just want to be clear one more time...

I WILL NOT ASK FOR HELP FOR MY MARRIAGE ON THESE BOARDS.

If I post it will only be about my continuing efforts towards growing in Christ and warning others about what adultery causes. I may update on my sitch with the BW if an update happens, and I will gladly answer any questions asked of me. But... I WILL NOT ask for marriage advice here. I do understand why and how that would be offensive.

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Originally Posted by MarriedForever
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What if the bank robber spent the money on bubble gum that he chewed all up?....What if he decides to pay the money back only to discover that a new government has taken over and his currency is worthless?

Then he gets a job and STILL has to RE-PAY THE MONEY.

That is part of the consequence. The bank isn't going to just let him skip on out of there with a "oh, the money's been chewed up? I guess we're just SOL then!". Noooo...he must find a way to re-pay the bank.

What if the bank robber has a stroke and is paralyzed and can't work?

What then? Oh but he really enjoyed all that bubble gum back in the day.

Seriously, some wrongs just cannot be righted in our imperfect state.

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Originally Posted by NewCreation2011
I just want to be clear one more time...

I WILL NOT ASK FOR HELP FOR MY MARRIAGE ON THESE BOARDS.

If I post it will only be about my continuing efforts towards growing in Christ and warning others about what adultery causes. I may update on my sitch with the BW if an update happens, and I will gladly answer any questions asked of me. But... I WILL NOT ask for marriage advice here. I do understand why and how that would be offensive.

That is graceful, and at the same time, sad.

I am going to have to say that I can no longer participate in your thread, as I simply don't have the conscience to watch the suffering of the sick and dying and stand here with my hands on my hips.

I hope the books and articles from here lead you where you want to go.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Quote
What if the bank robber spent the money on bubble gum that he chewed all up?....What if he decides to pay the money back only to discover that a new government has taken over and his currency is worthless?

Then he gets a job and STILL has to RE-PAY THE MONEY.

That is part of the consequence. The bank isn't going to just let him skip on out of there with a "oh, the money's been chewed up? I guess we're just SOL then!". Noooo...he must find a way to re-pay the bank.

What if the bank robber has a stroke and is paralyzed and can't work?

What then? Oh but he really enjoyed all that bubble gum back in the day.

Seriously, some wrongs just cannot be righted in our imperfect state.


SW, this argument is no longer about Christ, and is solely about the hardness of people's hearts. KK?


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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