I agree...DO NOT HELP in the DIVORCE process!!

If he thinks it's gunna be that easy?? HA!!

Make sure you find a really good laywer so you are protected.

We are doing a simple dissolution of marriage so no lawyer needed. We split up the assets and I get the house and my car and MY bills, which aren't many. I really do want my marriage to recover and don't want a divorce but I am not going to fight him on the divorce. He'll get exactly what he wants and he will regret it.

Still hoping and praying.

Phoenix,
we are really 2 of a kind. I know how you feel about still wanting to R the M. But really, and this is as if I were telling this stuff to myself:
what is there to pine after?
I think we can pretty much say we gave our WH all the chances possible....and they simply DO NOT LOVE US ANYMORE.
If they did they would be doing what people who love do. They are not even close to that.
I know what you mean when you say "I still hope to R the M" cuz I feel the same
But really, how much easier would it be if we just let them go and moved on...and, in your case, since you will soon be D...look for a man who is, like you loyal and faithful.
Blessing

Phoenix, Even though you divided up everything with your H...go to an Lawyer for a free consultation to see if you are entitled to anything else .

Right now you are in a good financial position but later you never know. You have a long term M and might be entitled to pension, 401K whatever.

I did not want a D but I still protected myself and my DD as much as possible.

Most simple D are when the M is short, there are no assets and there is not much to divide. Protect yourself.

There isn't anything else that I want and he doesn't have much. He doesn't have a retirement anymore. He has taken it all out and spent it. The last was cashed in back in 2009 when he left.

I will say again that I want my marriage to recover and I will remain true to my vows. I believe in "til death do us part." I will stand for my marriage and I will continue to pray for my marriage too. I have a strong belief system and I will continue to do what I am doing. As you know, WS, seem to leave home and come a couple of times before they stay. I will always stand for my marriage even if my H does go through with the divorce and you will never be able to change my mind about that.

Yesterday was my 22nd anniversary. I spent alone watching movies that I rented. It was a nice quiet, peaceful night. I did real well. I saw my therapist and then went in and got some stuff at a weight loss clinic I go to. I have lost 10 1/2 pounds since Christmas. So I consider yesterday a very productive day.

Today I just cleaned and watched more movie and just relaxed. When I first came here I was so distraught and a nervous wreck and that was about a year and a half ago. Now I am actually calm and at peace. I do have my moments when I do cry but not that often. So to everyone out there especially those just starting on this long road just hang in there it does get easier with time. I never thought I would be where I am at right now. My life is good. I work and I do play as well and I am happy.

Still hoping and praying.

How are things with DDs?

Praying you find Joy Phoenix. You are one strong women. I don't believe you will ever be a giddy schoolgirl or do I wish that fate on anybody,

I do believe in time you will find Joy and happiness, along with peace and forgivness.

It IS a long road but worth it huh?

Hi everyone. Just another update. WH is still seeing the same other woman. I figured he was but didn't want anyone else to know. WH is still in a deep fog and I have gone dark plan B and it protects me.

WH wants a divorce now because he can't get a car loan because he is attached to the house loan. Told him to go ahead but he can't come off the loan because the courts will let me have time to get refinanced. WH has been threatening me and I told him to go ahead and do what he thinks he needs to do. I am so passed it all.

WH hasgone from the ILYBINILWY to the I love you as a friend and as a person to I don't love you and haven't for a while. Told him that I forgive him, I'm praying for him, and that I still love him. That made him mad and I wasn't mad. He kept talking over me. He is really losing it. He keeps saying where is your pride but I would rather be me and like myself and have the pride he is talking about. I hope he is proud that he is committing adultery, I hope he is proud that he destroyed his marriage and family and helped he to do the same. I hope he is proud that he is with someone young enough to be his daughter. I hope he is proud of the life he is living now. I wouldn't be. I do have pride just not his type of pride. I like myself.

I'm still praying for the restoration of my marriage and no matter what anyone says here I will continue to stand for marriage. Yes, my WH is an idiot but eventually the fog will lift and he will finally realize what an idiot he has been. Funny thing is, he told me he has free will and that he will never be back and God can't make him or convince to come back. Boy, is he in trouble now. Never, ever challenge God. WH is not the first to say that and has eaten his words and he won't be the last.

I am going to continue to live my life the way I see fit and just let my WH's life just go down the tubes. I have already made plans to go on a cruise with some friends of mine in April and to go to Tennesse in May. While my WH has been gone I have lost 28# since Christmas.

Still hoping and praying.

I hear ya on that sister.

I thank Him He has answered all my challanges also.

You sound stable and good Phoenix, good to hear from you.

Just today I saw a tagline that read

Kinda fits, don't you think?

Have it your way..... this isn't Burger King!!!! I hate to say it but non-repentant spouses will get theirs and God will be sure....

I am reading a book by Anthony De Mello. Is called "Awareness".
In there he talks about God and compares him to several thing.
For example "The nature of the rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the garden".
God loving nature is the same, but it is up to you to become a thorn or a flower.
Also God is love. Would the tree not give is shade to the sinner as much as to the saint? Or would the rose say to the sinner: no, you cannot have my fragrance, only the saint?
Of course what we think is bad (WH being with OW and leaving M) could be actually for the good of all. We do not have a full understanding of the plans of God.
We only see life thru a keyhole. Thru that keyhole we can only see a speck of what's beyond the door. We might see a thorn or a rock...but we do not see the beautiful rose or the green shimmering grass. We base our life on the thorn and the rock, and we suffer because we say they are ugly and painful and there must be more than that.
There is, in fact, but our mind is too limited to see it.
Your WH could be just fine without you and you without him. Look beyond that keyhole. There is more out there for you.
Blessing

The hissing, spitting, mean-ness means it isn't such a beautiful newer love and life he has now Phoenix.
Here's to you, your ds and the beautiful future you both can create.

It is okay with this reader if you still are open to rebuilding one day, if your WH ever transforms into a good guy.

Thanks everyone for your input. I do believe that God Hates divorce and wants our marriages to succeed. I also know that it says in the Bible that the 2 shall become one and what God has joined together that no one should not put asunder. Only God has that right. I will stick to my beliefs and let God take care of it. God has been so good to me during all this and if it wasn't for Him I would be in a bad place. God has placed so many good people in my life and I praise His name for it.

Finally saw DD20 last night and that is probably the 5th time since she left with her father. This the first time in a month that I have seen her. She has gainrd so much weight. She use to be tall and slim and now she is really heavy. All the clothes that she got for Christmas are too small. All she does is work and party. My WH buys her alcohol. She is going to destroy herself. My parents are upset because they say she is like her father now. DD23 says that her sister is an idiot and says the same about her father.

Parents came down this weekend and just left today. My father said not to worry that if I needed to hire a lawyer that he would pay for it and my father has more money than he really needs.

Still hoping and praying.

As someone said before, I think it was on MB, go talk to a guy who lost everything to his XW and then ask him who his XW's lawyer was.

And then hire him/her.

Talked to a friend of mine today that I haven't seen for a while. Her Husband is a lawyer and she is going to ask him who I should hire that is good but isn't expensive. Guess I'll be getting an appointment for a consultaion real soon.

This is good. At least get the legal information you are going to need.
It is very scary if you do not know the truth.

My friend handed me a piece of paper at work today with 2 lawyers names on them and told me that her Husband said both were real good with the 1st one being better. Guess I will call tomorrow and see how much they are and figure out which one I want to consult with. Hoping to come up with the lawyer's fees myself to prevent my Dad from having to pay. With the cost of lawyers I don't see how anyone can afford to hire one. It costs around $2500 for a divorce lawyer around here.

Well, WH got a DUI on 2/26 and I found out on line on my birthday which was 3/6. He spent about 12 hrs in jail. He lost his drivers license except he does have a hardship licnse. He called me on 3/14 and let me know this after he told me he had lost his job that day. Boy, God sure got him and he is too stupid to realize that is what is happening. Now WH has no job, no license, no money, and no vehicle. His job did file it as a layoff so he could get unemployment. He does have that.

WH is still seeing OW but he says that they are just friends now. Right. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to come home. But he hasn't. Today he came over and fixed my washing machine but that is all. He thinks I am a fruit and that I am a fanatic because I talk to God and I get answers from Him. He says he believes in God but doesn't believe God talks to us or gives us signs. What do you think He has been doing to my WH? Call it Karma or call it God it is the same thing.

I told WH today that I was going to file for divorce next month because of what he said today. I am tired and I am tired of hurting. Even removed him from my friends list on facebook. He just got the account a week ago and OW is a friend on it and he had the nerve to ask me questions about it. Why doesn't he ask her? She's young, she should know how to do everything on there. That is when he let me know that they are just friends now, right. Funny thing is, is that he calls and texts me a LOT more now that he has lost his job. I don't care anymore. I am so mad and hurt that I just wish that both of them would just die and leave me alone, especially her. I just want her out of my life forever.

I am so sorry you're hurting. Your WH is hitting rock bottom and it's not changing anything. My DH did the same, but the difference is when he hit rock bottom, it woke him up. I don't see that in your WH. Do you?

Don't you think it's long past time to go to a real Plan B?

(((Phoenix)))