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Sorry. Just new here and confused. My son only communicates with him via text messaging. In 8 months he has had no voice or physical contact with his dad. elle, what have you done to kill this A so far?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Isn't the carrot and stick kind of hard in my situation? He just basically disappeared on the family. I was never given a chance to do anything. Up until the point he left I had no reason to suspect him of anything. He is gone and will not answer phone calls, texts, emails from anyone (including his family).
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Sorry. Just new here and confused. My son only communicates with him via text messaging. In 8 months he has had no voice or physical contact with his dad. elle, what have you done to kill this A so far? Exposure to my family, his family, all our mutual friends, her children and friends I dug up on FB (she has all private settings so I had to dig). My son and I have both tried to contact her but she will not answer the phone. Have not tried face-to-face....shame on me?
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Does your WH hold down a steady job? If he does, follow him when he leaves work. Find out where he goes. You should go to his place of work, find his car, and stick a hidden GPS device on his car. You will feel better once you have gained more data concerning his whereabouts. Is there a history of mental illness? Of drug or alcohol abuse? Is there a history of other behaviors, such as gambling or porn? *LINK* to GPS infoPlease respond to this. Thanks.
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Be prepared to find out something in addition to where he is. But discover it, you must. I agree. There is something else , but, what? Bigamy? Another child? You must find out.
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With the complete lack of basic communication (other than the texting), he must be guarding a secret that is bigger than big. A lie to OW or to you. It must be something he is majorly in fear of being discovered and revealed.
Be prepared to find out something in addition to where he is. But discover it, you must. I thought that his lack of communication to our family was due to his shame/guilt? Many of the people who know us have asked if he might be having an affair with a man or on drugs because the behavior is so unlike him.
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Does your WH hold down a steady job? If he does, follow him when he leaves work. Find out where he goes. You should go to his place of work, find his car, and stick a hidden GPS device on his car. You will feel better once you have gained more data concerning his whereabouts. Is there a history of mental illness? Of drug or alcohol abuse? Is there a history of other behaviors, such as gambling or porn? *LINK* to GPS infoPlease respond to this. Thanks. His family has a total history of substance abuse...alcohol, persciption meds. H was an alcoholic but texted son that he quit after he left. By looking at this cell phone records, I found that he was texting OW in the month prior to him leaving. So I believe i know where she lives....an hour and a half from our home. Long ride to work every day.
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Long ride... I'd say.
I agree that there is something big.... big.
Tho we have had quite a few WS leave their BS here... most men will not leave their teenage kids (without apparently looking back) like this.
(I know...it has happened. But to walk out with the clothes on his back and not have a verbal conversation with his own teenage son??? EVER?) ...holidays... birthdays?
Last edited by barbiecat; 02/23/11 11:27 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Oooh. Yeah, this would explain how he can stay away from his son for so long. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Pep is right. You must find out.
For sanity for yourself, and closure for your son.
If you know where he works, the trail has to start from there.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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elle sorry you are here. Time to take action... We need to stop all the what if, I don't know, I am not sure... Knowledge is power for the BS. Borrow a car that your H does not know. Investigate. Get a GPS and attach to his car Go to google earth and put in the address. Look at street view. Sometimes it will show cars in the driveway. Go to FB, if she has a private FB and has blocked her friends. Look her up by last name and see if you can find her kids. Get a PI. Check prices. It is income tax time. Use that money to pay for it. Much much cheaper than a divorce. Take my word on that. If you had an address or a phone # it should be relatively cheap. Look up your H and OW on www.pipl.com or www.peekyou.com. sometimes it shows what social networks they are on or list their family members. Do you know any of his friends from work. Make some calls... Time to put on your big girl pants and get some answers. Do not leave this up to your son who is hurting and wants answers. You have a right to know. Stop being in the dark. Blessings
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Long ride... I'd say.
I agree that there is something big.... big.
Tho we have had quite a few WS leave their BS here... most men will not leave their teenage kids (without apparently looking back) like this.
(I know...it has happened. But to walk out with the clothes on his back and not have a verbal conversation with his own teenage son??? EVER?) ...holidays... birthdays? No verbal/phyical contact with son for 8 months. If my son texts him a difficult question ("will you come back please") he gets no response. For Christmas he left s $200 in the mail box.
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He's also left me cash in the mailbox...$1400 one time. Who does that? Now if he gives me money it is a bank check in the mail box.
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He's also left me cash in the mailbox...$1400 one time. Who does that? Now if he gives me money it is a bank check in the mail box. CASH in the mail box? Who does that? Someone who does not want to leave a paper trail. Stop speculating. Get tracking his whereabouts What sort of work does he do? You must get the FACTS. All speculation and no facts = insanity.
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I mean.... even the worst runaway spouses we have here contact their children (even if it is apparently only to fight-- I guess negative contact is better than -- well... nothing.)
How horrible for you,
how devastating for your son.
H333 is spot on.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Oooh. Yeah, this would explain how he can stay away from his son for so long. I believe the OW is 49-50...probably no child.
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I know how it feels to be beaten down, but it's time to CRASH HIS PARTY! No man is entitled to abandon his family. Period.
Refuse to live in this insanity one day longer!
Find him and let him know you're bringing hell with you. The fantasy is O - V - E - R.
Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40
2011: In recovery
A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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H was an alcoholic but texted son that he quit after he left. He will always BE an alcoholic. Drinking or dry, but he is an alcoholic. And, they lie about their drinking. Get data via GPS. ASAP. See a family law attorney Get child support per legal channels.
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I believe the OW is 49-50...probably no child. Go find out.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Does anyone here watch "Breaking Bad"? This is weird.
Cash in the mailbox, and won't see his son? Geez, I would never leave my son ever.
Do not understand at all...but I urge you to find out.
FBH,Dad
No half measures, in anything.
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