A "mistake" is taking the wrong turn while driving to an unfamiliar location. A "mistake" is dropping an egg while baking a cake. A "mistake" is NOT acquiring a secret cell phone to contact your recent phuque-buddy, while fluttering your eyelashes at BH, mouthing words of recovery, all the while thinking, "He won't do shlt about this!", and being right.

Now before going forward, I want to ask you, "What is the commitment to stopping this ongoing contact?" It's not her commitment I'm asking about, it's yours.

If you need this contact ended, you'll have to make NOT ending on her part so blatantly and IRREVOCABLY decisive that it gets her attention.

Buy her a new cell phone (smash her other one again, if you must), load it with Flexispy.

Tell her that this is the only cell she is to use.
Tell her you will call her on it at various random times to ensure it has not been tampered with.
Tell her you will check the log, and billing sheets, religiously for usage.
Tell her she will be expected to explain every number called/received, texts sent/received.
Tell her that if OM calls her, the call record should show that the call lasted no longer than time for her to say, "Don't call me, @sshole.
Tell her, and if you don't mean it, stop wasting your own efforts, LM, that any violation of these will mean the end of recovery attempts and initiation of dissolution actions.
Hand her a written statement outlining these parameters. Have her sign it. Each day, have her initial it.

In about a week, get up, ohh, about 2:30 am, and tear apart everything in your house, her belongings, her car. Find the secret cell that she has hidden.

Yes? Call your lawyer. No? Tell her you'll look harder next time.

The following week, call her best girlfriend in a panic, indicating an emergency (the dog died, whatever) and you need WW's alternate cell number because the cell you gave her isn't working.

Get one? Call her, saying adios. Call your lawyer. No? When WW screams at you later, tell her she earned this treatment.

If you don't need this contact ended, stay on your current path. We're here to read your posts on the subject.

Now getting yourself hauled off to the pokie won't help.....

Any BH with all the time we have to think about it, who can't devise a way to exact revenge on OM without getting caught, isn't bright enough to be corresponding here.

The problem, though, is not OM, it's WW. OM made no vows to you, and in any event, is more than likely replaceable with the NEXT OM.

Unfortunately the "Rule of Thumb" handed down from olde English Law, which said husbands were permitted to beat their wives with sticks no thicker than their thumb, somehow got overwritten. Damn "libbers".........

ITA, except:

There should be no call from OM. He should not have her new number.

He didn't have the most recent one either. And then he did.

If the same rule applies to women who can do likewise to idiot husbands, then I'm all for it.

Otherwise I don't find the joke too funny.

NG,

Put that same drunk, years ago, in control of a donkey-cart, and all you'd have is a pair of jack@sses, one in harness, and the other holding the reins

My old timer neighbor from when I was a kid used to tell stories of how people could fall asleep in a horse cart and the beast would take them back to the stable. Sorta the same role that a VAR or Keylogger performs on a WS.

I'm not saying that a WS has less sense than a donkey but you can fool the animal, to adapt the circle fly joke.

God Bless
Gamma

I lol'd, and have not guilt for it.

What joke? The source attribution of the phrase is factual.

Oh, HTLD, NG probably saw me online and said that to get me all riled up.

Sorry, NG, but I had to laugh at that!

You know right now im down and would rather kick her to the street and put a bullet in his head. I'm getting tired.

Lost - dude, hang in there! I think our 'coaster is going in the same direction today. Come here and vent, but don't let it show to WW.

Rule of thumb? Thats rude. It should read you can beat OM but you have to use something larger than your thumb.

I must have something left in my LB, cause if anybody hit WW, they'd be going to the ER.

Hang in there Lostman, it sucks we KNOW.

Just one of those days, Lost, or did something go down?

Well she is just struggling with not getting to be with him still. i know it will take time, but i shouldn't have to do this for my own wife. She doesnt here me vent like this, i try to be sincere. she seemed to be cracking a little yesterday and i feel like square one right now. She tells me what she is struggling with and its getting me.

Sigh.

A few posts up, MB said

I agree.

This exact advice was given to me. And much to my amazement, I followed it!

I had all the locks changed. WxW asked for a few things which I put into a box and put on the front steps. I told her she could pick it up between specified hours (because I did not even want to be there when she showed up). I had the locks changed on the house so she couldn't try to get it.

(I was at home when she arrived -- during the time frame I had specified -- but kept myself well away from any windows and sighting possibility until I heard her car drive away).

lostman, you aren't in recovery. It's time you started -- YOURS!

You're what, three or four days since no contact? Unless I read your thread wrong, I think you're a little early into this and it sounds normal. My W did the same thing, the first week was the pits.

i know its to early to call it quits. if i kicked her out i know right wehre she would go. i needed to vent and i needed encouragement. Thought that was what this place was for. Ive been strong and the only one fighting for the marriage, but giving 110 % gets harder when reality starts knocking. She is still trying and that matters, she is being honest, i feel she is begining to see the struggles of right and wrong vs selfishness.

What about the NC letter lost?

Lost - if you feel she's trying, then you're miles ahead. For example, my WW isn't even trying right now and I exposed roughly 2 weeks ago. She's still spitting nails at me every night for at least 5-10 minutes. Before all this went down, i.e. the affair was going on but I was oblivous, she used to ask herself 'what's wrong with me'. She also knew, at that time, that her actions were selfish, but I haven't heard that in a while. I was under the impression that she was trying to figure things out, little did I know she was having the A at the same time. No wonder she was conflicted and no wonder our sex life suffered. She felt guilty for having sex with ME, while she's having sex with OM. Talk about warped thinking! Isn't hindsight wonderful.

I know it hurts and i feel for you. she tells me she is trying but she is in conflict. Im hoping time will help.