And I just talked to my lawyer and she advised me not to grant him the divorce, but to contest it so I could get it on grounds of adultery. The OW would have to testify. I'm sure she has no idea she would be drug into that. I'm not sure I can face her. It hurts too bad, plus I want to tear her eyes out.

Also, I was in Plan B and that's when he came back. When he left last night I told him no more contact that I had to protect myself. Do you really think he will come back. He was adamant that he was done.

StillFighting. I have been in plan b for two weeks, when my husband said he was done. He is back with the OW. Seeing her whenever he does not have our boys. I amhoping he will come back too, not sure why, but I do. He said he wants a divorce but has not filed yet. Waiting for that to happen. Have not spoken with him since he said he wanted a divorce.

In a sense I am still fighting and holding out hope, like you. I am sorry your daughter is so young. It is not fair. The selfishness of it all. I think the hurt will stay for awhile.

Honey, I'm not going to beat you up. But you do need to let her parents know. They may be the best tool you have to help kill this A.

Do you have their phone number? I would call them. Right now. Let them know who you are and that you are calling them to tell them that their daughter Skanky is having an adulterous affair with your husband Wayward Smith.

"As a mother, I know that I want to teach my children right and wrong, and I hope you share that feeling about your children, as well. I am asking for your help in saving my marriage and my family by speaking with your daughter about this."

Tell them your name and give them your phone number in case they need to call back with questions.

Edit to add: If they don't answer don't leave a message on their machine. OW may intercept it and delete it.

I will try to get the nerve up to do that. Do you think OW and husband are already back in contact. I know I'm crazy, but I honestly believe up until he left last night that he had not had contact with her---that's why the withdrawal was so bad. Do you think he has probably contacted her by now to let her know he left us for good?

And thanks for not beating me up! :-)

Yes, I believe they are back in contact. He left you to go get his fix. Who knows what fogbabble gobbledygoop he spouted to her. Nothing original, I'm sure.

And then he's going to get his fix, and when he's got it he's going to start waffling again. That's why you need to get some work done, so you're ready when he comes straggling back, apologizing for being so crazy. Get the call in to the parents, and make a list of requirements for what he needs to do in order to stay in this marriage with you. What are they?

NC letter.
Complete transparency, all passwords given to you.
Cell phone number changed.
What else? Remember to set the bar high.

When you're working up the nerve to call her parents, I want you to visualize yourself getting a call like that about one of your children. How would YOU respond? I know I would be very upset for the wife who would call me about something like that, and I would certainly feel great compassion for her. I would then track down my child and cheerfully ream her out for interfering in that poor woman's marriage.

What would YOU do if a betrayed wife called YOU?

My requirements are the NC letter, complete transparency, all passwords, calling me throughout the day, going to couseling or marriage seminars--whatever I ask, being the husband and father he needs to be, spending quality time just with me, helping me with the baby. Actions speak louder than words.
Do you honestly think there is hope here and it's just the withdrawal causing all this craziness? I feel really hopeless today.

Yes. It's the withdrawal. My husband did insane things. Insane. Said crazy things.

You're okay. You need to call her family. Now. Immediately. You need to, because it will hugely complicate the "perfect" relationship they think they have. They haven't had any real consequences up until this point ( unfortunately, dealing with you doesn't count, because in his wayward brain, you aren't you, you know?).

I know you are strong enough to do this. Go do it. We'll be here waiting. But release the information hounds. Create obstacles and roadblocks.

I must confess, I am terrified to call her parents. I'm afraid of Wh being more angry at me than he is now. I also don't feel I am emotionally stable enough to do it right now b/c all I've done today is cry. I don't want to call them and not be able to get anything out b/c of crying. I'm so sorry b/c I don't want to go against any good advice, but I'm just being honest that I am scared.

Oh, you betcha he'll be PO'd. Sure. They usually are, when their disgusting, pig-like behavior is put on display for the very people they would want to have respect from! Count on that, Still. Because you want that to happen! That will put pressure on the affair!

Here are two possible scenarios: The parents are morally bankrupt pieces of trash who get your call and don't give a hoot. They figure what their daughter does is her business. They mention it to their daughter and they all have a good laugh over her boyfriend's silly wife. OW tells your WH about it and laughs it off. He's still in good graces with OW and her parents.

He will not be particularly miffed in this case.

OR:

OW's parents are hard-working, honest folks who have spent a lifetime trying to instill values into their children. They get your call and are very upset with OW. They call her and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is NOT to be traipsing around, acting like a floozy with a married father. AND they mention that OW could be dragged into a messy divorce.

OW is upset because her parents are mad at her, and she lets WH know: "Your crazy wife called my parents, blah blah blah!!! Now they don't even want to meet you, blah blah blah!!! I can't believe she did this to me, blah blah blah!!"

Yes, your WH will not be happy with you at that moment. Because you just lobbed a big grenade into his little fantasy.

That's why you want him to be upset! You'll know you scored a direct hit on the A!

Yes, it's scary. And necessary if you're going to grab the ball and pull it back into your court.

I am guessing her parents are hard working ppl who instilled that in their daugther b/c she is a graduate of Johns Hopkins University. You don't get that far by being lazy.
I know I need the power back. I felt so good when I went into Plan B b/c I had all the power. Now I feel like a complete loser again. Thanks for the pep talk. I'm just very torn and emotional today.
My dad got my locks changed today. My WH refused to give me is housekey last night, saying he wouldn't give it to me until the divorce was final.

Let me translate this for you:
"I'm not giving you my housekey because I want to be able to come home when I feel like it."

Good job on getting those locks changed!

I hope that OW's family is the 2nd scenario. My WH's family has actually WELCOMED her into the family and invites her and her kids out to dinner, breakfast, etc. Wow... a year ago my mother in law was talking about how she couldn't stand her. Yes, my in-laws are moralless pieces of trash. And, so are Ow's parents and family too it seems b/c they are doing the EXACT same thing.