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Lost, I've felt that many times and I'm sure I'm not in the minority. Remember, this is a marathon. Things are not going to change overnight. You are at mile marker 1 out of 26.1 miles. Don't lose faith. I know your feelings will eb and flow which is good. Just don't make any important decisions when you're in the middle of those. Wait for the tide to slack, when you can think logically in the calm waters.

Yes there are times when I read peoples stories on this forum and it can be depressing. When I start to feel that way I stay away for a while. I make myself a promise though that I WILL come back, regardless of how I feel because there are great stories here to.


Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet


Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Originally Posted by Lookin4Serenity
Lost, I've felt that many times and I'm sure I'm not in the minority. Remember, this is a marathon. Things are not going to change overnight. You are at mile marker 1 out of 26.1 miles. Don't lose faith. I know your feelings will eb and flow which is good. Just don't make any important decisions when you're in the middle of those. Wait for the tide to slack, when you can think logically in the calm waters.

Yes there are times when I read peoples stories on this forum and it can be depressing. When I start to feel that way I stay away for a while. I make myself a promise though that I WILL come back, regardless of how I feel because there are great stories here to.
Absolutely. As a marathon runner (which is actually 26.2 miles!) there are a lot of training tips I use to make it the distance. As has been said here many times, "it's a marathon, not a sprint."


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Ooops. I knew that fred. Fat fiingers. Yes 26.2. Those last 2 tenths can be a bear but the finish line is worth it.

Lost, Rember that. The finish line. What do you want to see when you get there?


Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet


Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Originally Posted by lostman101
How often do people around here just feel like giving up? This stuff just sucks and I applaud those that are here to help people with affairs. It is so depressing reading other peoples stories that it just gets me down even more.
Sometimes reading the grief here can be a lot to take in for a betrayed spouse. (A little too much identification, KWIM?) When you feel that way, get off your computer entirely and do something physical. Shovelling snow comes right to mind this morning smile Then do something peaceful and good for yourself. Like making a cup of hot chocolate and reading the magazine you just got in the mail.

Come back after you've taken a breather and are ready to read and post again.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Thanks all. I was doing good yesterday when everything was hitting the fan. Today i feel worse. Taking a ride on the coaster this morning.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Originally Posted by lostman101
Thanks all. I was doing good yesterday when everything was hitting the fan. Today i feel worse. Taking a ride on the coaster this morning.
Keep your arms and legs inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop. wink


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Was there a chicken exit before i got on this ride lol.

I guess i should of been training for the marathon.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Originally Posted by lostman101
How often do people around here just feel like giving up? This stuff just sucks and I applaud those that are here to help people with affairs. It is so depressing reading other peoples stories that it just gets me down even more.

Giving up on what? Other people?

Bah, never. Nobody here ever did a lick of harm to me.

On my M?

Eeeek. Ain't recovered yet, brother. In the beginning? Every day. And then it progressively lessens.

It's grief, it's complicated, and it ain't for sissies (which, as I'm told by a few little old ladies, getting old ain't for sissies, either).

I have a 20 mile drive to school - I often spend the entire drive screaming and banging the steering wheel.

You ain't crazy, you're just hurtin'.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Quote
You ain't crazy, you're just hurtin'.
I see song potential here... laugh


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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That was pretty good holdherhand.

Just got off the phone with ww. she is still at her parents and has counseling scheduled for 4:00 today. She asked again if she could come home. After some awkward chit chat i agreed. I asked her why she contacted him and she said she didnt know. I asked her why she was going to cousneling. was it because she was being drug there or because she was wanting to. She told me she wanted to and the she has made her decision to try working this out.

She said this last part with some authority as if she had some will power and strength to do the right thing. Ive not felt that yet. I also let her know if contact happened again she would be out again and it would be worse.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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That's good news for you. While you can, get your thoughts together so that you can present your case for staying in the marriage with her. Write it down and calmly read it to her.

MelodyLane posted somewhere a list she recommends...will try to find it for you.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Here's what ML posted to someone. Sometimes it's nice to have a template if your mind is going all over the place crazy

In order to stay in this marriage, she will have to take extraordinary precautions to avoid another affair or you are not interested. EP's are not negotiable. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. finding another job that supports your marriage [is not prone to adultery], allows complete transparency, with no overnight travel - until a new job that you BOTH AGREE TO, he agrees to immediately get a shift change

2. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc - she must become an open book

3. no more opposite sex friendships

4. complete honesty about past affairs � passing a polygraph

5. commit to a program of recovery that restores the romantic love in your marriage

6. no going out without each other, no overnight travel without each other

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Thanks for the recommendations.


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Just remember, EP's are for both of you. I would present it to her that you fully plan to adopt these EP's as well. You guys are a team and should work together to fight off all intrusions into your marriage. If you don't implement EP's as well, then next time it could be you that is in an affair.

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That is good advice. i Will plan on some of these, but not all of them. Lets just say im not ready to address some of these yet.

Got a text from her mom at lunch that said WW has made some major breakthroughs this morning. Another step forward(fingers crossed).


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Originally Posted by lostman101
didnt mention that her dad went off on the other man big time as well yesterday on the phone. What a deal!

Yeah those OMs are allways the biggest wimps.

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Originally Posted by lostman101
Thanks all. I was doing good yesterday when everything was hitting the fan. Today i feel worse. Taking a ride on the coaster this morning.

Exactly, just remember there is an end to the ride. The forum is here to support you, and you will get thru this, I promise.

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Originally Posted by Northwood8900
I wonder if any of your wife's family would be interested in having OM's phone number smile I'll never forget my FIL dropping the f-bomb and asking me for OM's number...too bad the coward never would answer our calls.

Never underestimate the power of angry in-laws. My FIL hasn't talked to WW or OM yet (he may never talk to OM) but I'll never forget the fire in his eyes, and his words when I informed him of his "perfect" youngest daughter's A, and the OM she thought she was in love with:

"That SOB is never coming into this house. If she tries to bring him here, I have a noose and a tree in the backyard."

So much for her idea to seamlessly replace BH with another man!


BS: Me, 27
WS: Her, 24
EA: October
PA: 11/22/10
Moved out 12/3/10
Moved back in mid-January.

In tentative recovery. Is that the sun I see, breaking through the fog?
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Originally Posted by StuckWaiting
Never underestimate the power of angry in-laws. ..

When my Dad started telling my Mom he wanted a divorce, my Gram told him he was no longer welcome in thier house. It was his Mom who told him this.

His whole family was awesome, and strict realists also. Everybody loved them. I am thankful for the support it was for my Mom, who is also an awesome woman, even now at 83. Sharp as a tack.


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When my wife was seeing OM, she invited my 19yr old daughter and her BF over to have dinner with them.

My WW was spouting all kinds of flowers and how wonderful life would be with OM, and how they were gonna by a house and get married.

My DD said calmly to her, "Thats nice Mom, but we will never come visit you in it"

Both boys felt the same way, and they couldn't stand either of them.

He had a house given to him by his parents, and a pretty good job, and money to spend on dinners, drinks, and drugs.

We lived ok, pretty poor and needy, but I worked for what I had, and paid my way, and WW left because..her words.."He just can't take care of me anymore".

The values my children have, come as direct result of dealing with reality, and appreciating what others do for them. They are hardworkers and have good friends, of which they know the difference of also.

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