There is a Beatles song with lyrics that go "I look at all the lonely people..." when I read the above quote that's what I think of, two lonely people on a train making chit-chat...

Two lonely people who once had a whole lifetime of memories...

Two lonely people who shared EVERYTHING. Now it's like two strangers.

I used to look at divorced people and think to myself, why did they get divorced? What could have possibly happened to them to make them not want to be together anymore? Why didn't they just work harder on their marriage? What about the kids, don't they care about the kids? How do you just throw away X number of years together? Why didn't they just try?

Now, looking back, I think, how naive of me. The why's, what's and how's are easy to answer. When there is only one of you emotionally or physically in a marriage, it's not a marriage.

Just got a phone call.

Sad.

WH & OW got engaged yesterday. I am shaking and feel sick to my stomach and I 've got to leave for work.

So how do I handle this since I have not seen nor spoke with WH for so long?

That must be why he wants to take DS2 out on Thursday.

Please someone advise.

Discuss this with your son before sending your son clueless into the wolf's den.

You're not divorced, are you?

Their being 'engaged' doesn't mean anything Mitzie.
They don't have very high marriage demands.

Plus, its laughable (though unbelievably upsetting to think about) that they consider themselves 'betrothed'.

Hugs to you dealing with the 'news'.

Mitzie, you have it in your power to make it a very loooooonng engagement. Do so.

{{{{{Mitzie}}}}}

Question of the night. What to do if you run into WH in an accidental encounter and he is already in a bad mood?

Answer: ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!!!

THAT ended up making him in an even more p*ssy mood and guess what? I DON'T CARE.

DS2 had eye doctor appoint today and WH was taking him for his monthy (obliglitory :/) wing-nite. WH was going to pick up DS2 here at house, with me gone of course. This was all arranged through DS2 so he could go to eye doctor(needed contacts so had to go)and go for wings.

Wouldn't you know eye doctors ran late and WH (of course, shoulda known)showed up early.

He was looking at the engine of DS1's blown-up car when I pulled in driveway.

Right away he starts spewing(this is the same H I KNOW)about how there was no oil in the car, blah, blah, blah.

I just smiled and waved, shrugged my shoulders and walked in the house.

WH of course follows me.

I won't give the whole conversation but I will tell you what he said. Remember, for most of this conversation I said NOTHING!

WH: "I need your social security number to file my taxes, since you really screwed on that one, blah, blah, blah, we could have got a lot more back, blah, blah, blah how much did you get back?"

ME: That's none of your business(politely)

WH(getting madder by the second, teehee)"OH yes IT IS MY BUSINESS! I blah,blah, blah, this family all last year ( I really wasn't paying much attention)and I'm entitled to that refund money we could have got if we filed together."

What I wanted to say was, "well, we're not together anymore"

WH:"Are you getting back $XXXX?"(some astronomical amount)
ME: (laughing) NO WAY!
WH: "Well I'm going to have to pay,blah, blah,blah, why wouldn't you want to file together when we would get so much back?"
ME: "I don't care."
WH: "YOU DON'T CARE?!? YOUR THE ONE WHO IS OBSESSED WITH MONEY!"
ME: (very calmly)"No, WH, that is YOUR description of Me from YOU. YOU always thought I was obsessed with money."
WH: More blah, blah, blah

WH: "So, you don't call me back when I call you?"
ME: "Oh, yeah, I did see you called, I was at the doctors office. Sorry."
WH: "I see you have me blocked on the home phone! I wanted to talk to you."

Then a bunch more drivel and dumb talk about how I seem so happy and how I never wanted to go anywhere with him(I told him I was going out at 8 because the car is getting towed tonight)and then he said something about my e-mail...okay, I'm listening now WH...

He brought up the fact that on my return address I changed my name from my name to 'Happy in MYHOMETOWN'. Now mind you the last time I e-mailed him was OVER a month and a half ago and that was the NC letter!

Then I told him I had some stuff for him, gave him his bowling ball and his insurance card and I DS2 & my part of car insurance. Well, apparently when I told him I was going to pay it, he thought I was going to pay the WHOLE car insurance bill!

I laughed, "No way"...oh...the anger in his eyes! I'm surprized my hair didn't catch on fire the way he was burning me with them!

THEN, he went on about a friend of ours whom he thinks, although he acted like it was fact, fixed that shower. I wouldn't tell him and his exact words were, I kid you not,

"This is MY house and I have a right to know whose comming in and out of it!"

I just said he abandon his house. More blah, blah, blah, "my name is on the deed", blah, blah, blah, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about", blah, blah, blah...

So, MY take on this conversation is he's hurting for cash, B.A.D. What does he think? I'm going to say "Sure, lets sell the house NOW so we can take our equity because I'm a money hungry obsessed fiend!" Licking my lips and rolling my hands together

He left, I said bye and he yelled loud enough under his breath "F**k you". Never brought up engagement, our relationship, kids or any of that stuff...just about money.

But read between the lines...

OOOOOH, how will end? How will it end? Stay tuned young veiwers for updates as they come rolling in!

Thing is, right now I really don't care. I'm sure I'll be crying tomorrow, but right now...I couldn't give a bucket full of hog sweat.

sorry so long, I'm a droner, I know...

Mitzie, NOT PLAN B AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl. But, I am CERTAIN that you know that.

The real answer to what you say to your WH in a "accidental" encounter is:

WH:I need your social security number to file,.....

You: Are you ready to end your affair with OW and work on our marriage?

WH: Talking about this again,......

You: Contact my IM when you have.

AND YOU WALK AWAY.

Come on Mitz, what has this done to work into YOUR plans? How exactly did this work for you?

Why CAN'T you separate from your WH? Why do you keep doing this?

STOP. reading...between...the ...LINES!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhh!


You can not second guess WHAT is going on between his ears -- heck, he probably does not know.

We, here, can not tell you what he is thinking... we should not even try.

It will only destroy your love bank, (what you have left)
This is going to take a toll on you. WHy fight with him?

and encourage him to IGNORE your wishes (plan b) and do whatever the heck he wants.

Next time you see him......drive onward for a while til the coast is clear.

Good job on not lovebusting.

You live and learn and he is hissing spitting mad in order for you to be nasty back to make his situation seem a valid situation. Oh he is even madder cause you didn't get nasty with him.

Now keep dark. Dark even if it means driving to somewhere to avoid interaction.

I must say to everyone who has told me to stay in PB...

Thank you...

I have been being a bit introspective these last days.

Spoke with my Great Aunt(who just turned 88!)and HER words of advice to me is the same exact advice I've been getting on this board!

She told me to take care of MYSELF first(just like you put the oxygen mask on first before your child...I've got to be emotionaly healthy for my kids...).

Wisdom.

Actually, I think the gist of her conversation was leaning more on the side of me to just letting go completly and moving on (that side of the family never really cared for his drinking problems).

I'm staying right where I am, feet planted firmly.

Since this town is sooo small, and everyone knows everyone elses business...I hear word that there was trouble week-end before this in affairland.

Am I wrong to feel a sense of happiness about that? It's just when I learned they had a row I was GLAD! Glad to know that whatever it was, it couldn't have involved ME in anyway because...I hadn't spoken nor seen him for a month...

THAT's a great feeling.

I haven't had trouble with anyone (do my kids count? )so it's all good here.

Thanks again everyone. Like every lesson I have ever learned in life, I've had to learn the long and hard way.

I'm glad for you, Mitzie. Keep on keepin' on!

And that was VALENTINES week-end...

I thought that was the week-end for LOVERS?

Hey Mitzie!!

I am back! Where the heck are you? Thanks for your incredible post on my thread.

Oh there is trouble in affair land alright. It gets worse with time.

So watched any Joaquin Phoenix films lately??

4 days no Mitzie....

Hi Ya'll!

Just checkin' in, letting everyone know I'm still alive & hanging in there.

Life in NC sure is borrrring for me.

Just work & home. My hours got switched, so now I start earlier but I'm able to be home before DS2 goes to bed, so that's a good thing. Even though I am NOT a morning person at ALL! I'm in bed sleeping by 10 at night...like an old lady!

Been redecorating & shoveling snow lately.

Been doing a lot of reading also. Switching between several books,including SAA, Infideltiy by: Don-David Lusterman & Private Lies by: Frank Pittman.

I see OW car in front of her S/O house an awful lot. I don't know if her DD is driving and goes over or what. If it's her then it's just a matter of time before the perverbial sh*t hits the fan.

My extra fridge in the garage broke (someone gave it to us years ago and it was like 30 years old then, so it well outlived it's purpose). There was deer meat in there from like, two years ago that H said was still good! YUCK! I don't like the stuff anyway, so what do I know. Anyhoo, when I opened the freezer...OMG! That was a stench I hope NEVER to smell ever again! It's been way too cold to clean it out, then we got a terrible snow/ice storm (took me 4 hours to get home from a 30 minute drive!) so it's still sitting there. I'll get DS1 to get some friends to take it to the dump for me. Nice to have strong young men around to do those things (even if I'll have to pay them $20 each to do it!)

I'll check back when I have more time...

Harm: did watch Gladiator w/DS2 last week. Something about JP harelip.......so.....sexxxxxy

((((Hugs to all)))

Mitzie

Mitzie

Just checkin in on you since we have not seen you lately.

Will you give us an update? Hope all is going well in your life.

Could sure use your help with the high # of newbies every week.

nESRE