Hi guys, just wanted to touch base with ya'll ! Mike and I are still doing well, exept for the fat that I over-slept today and didn't get up in time to make his dinner and lunch today. I hate that, we gotta get a new alarm clock soon ! Sending him off to work with nothing to eat before hand and nothing for lunch bothers me bad. It rarely happens but I still beat myself up over it !<P> I guess the reason I feel like a jerk posting this is because we are doing so well, and so many of my friends here are still hurting so bad. <P> Just remember guys, I have been where you are at one point or another, execpt for those whos spouse's affairs have resulted in a child with the op. My heart really goes out to all of you in that mess. As if the betrayal wasn't bad enough ! <P> I must admit to being afraid at ths point. Remember, this wasn't Mikes first affair, I am afraid to be happy, it seems like everytime I have gotten the trust back and started being happy and believeing in him, he has done me again ! But I know I can't dwell on that, however I dare not let my guard down. <P> Now you see why I feel like an ungrateful jerk !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb, don't feel bad because you guys are doing ok. We are happy to see that others are succeeding - it helps to make us hopeful.<P>I can understand you being afraid to be happy. When we've been hurt so much, it is very difficult to trust again. Even if we trust the actions, the emotions keep us wary. <P>Thanks for your response over on my thread - I'm afraid that there are probably quite a few slugs, wildebeasts and psycho b-eye-t-c-h-es from H*ll out there ...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

Hi Deb...<P>I think you are being too hard on yourself. You & Mike have been through a lot together. The outcome is that you are still together and that's great!<P>As far as the trust issue....I hate to say this, but I still have problems trusting my H. He's been very good, but any kind of deviation from his routine...then I get suspicious, even if I don't need to be. It's so hard to trust again and I don't think that it will ever be fully regained. I guess, like you, it is also a way of not letting my guard down.<P>Anyway, just want to say "hi" and keep doing the good things that you are doing!

Hi DEB!!!!! Gosh, it seems like ages since I have really gotten a chance to speak (er, type) with you!!!<P>I'm so glad that you and Mike are going great!!! You two are the best!!!<P>As far and oversleeping...when you get the new alarm clock, that will take care of it. It's OK, I'm sure that you will/did make up for it with some sort of fantastic culinary experience for him!!!!<P>How much pain would I cause for you if I asked your advice about the time Mike was away from you? If it would hurt too much to talk to me about your handling of communication with him at that time - just let me know and I'll drop it!!!<P>I'm up for a while....let me know!!<P>Thanks and HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<BR> Ask away, you know I will talk about almost anything. I'm gonna make me some toast now, be right back<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb - You're not selfish and you're certainly not a jerk!!!<P>Keep on writing about how great things are going with you and Mike. Puts a big ole smile on my face!!<P>You have every reason to be apprehensive. Calm will return, probably, slowly, but surely.<P>Keep up the good work and keep us informed. Those of us wwwaaayyyy down here in the trenches need that to hold on to!<P>Lori

Hey guys , <BR> Thanks ! I know it helps to know that people to survive this, It helped me when everything was sooooo messed up. <P> You know, having been through this with Mike more than once and in so many diffrent forms ( 2 emotional, 1 leavinf to live with wildebeast, and 1 6 month long affair while still living at home ) and surviving it all , I can't help but look up and KNOW there is a God and He will get me through anything. I will say that this site has made the recovery so much easier, lets face it, someone ( friends, family ect.) may love you and try to help , but if you haven't been here you don't understand. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi Deb -<P>Gosh, I loved hearing those words from you on your post about God!!!!<P>Thanks for letting me pick your brain...maybe Mike would have some insight too......<P>I have to figure out what the best way to approach (or Not!!) communications and / or relationship of any sort with H after the divorce - and possibly before.<P>I know that it's different with a divorce....but when you were separated from Mike and He was with wildebeast - did you two have any relationship at all? Did you talk to each other at all?<BR>See each other, etc?<P>If so, on what level...nasty, loving, friends, what?<BR> <BR>Did you just go on with life and let the natural course dictate things? What did Mike do or not do during this time as far as communication with you?<P>I'm asking because I don't know how i am going to handle me and H..<P>Any thing you can offer?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Awh, Sheba,<BR> That my friend is one sad sorry story ! <P> Where do I start ? When he left he wanted NOTHING to do with me, when he did come around to bring money for son, well he wasn't friendly ! Of ourse the first several weeks he was gone I cried everytime I saw him, I couldn't help it. After a while I realized I had to be strong enough not to let him see me cry. There was no relationship between us. I think he wanted me to cease to exist, to pretend that there had never been a marriage. When I got my job and my own place he and his gf had to watch son while I worked, and I made nasty nice with her. But I would have to say the main thing he showed me was indiffrence. I left town and only came back when I learned she had left him. The only thing I think that made any kind of diffrence was when I wasn't there . I'll ask him to drop by and post about this to you on this thread. Sorry I wasn't more help ! <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Thanks Deb - <P>I am sorry to bring up sadness...I am at a loss on how to deal with H!! <P>He'll Whack-A-Doodle me till I am old and grey!! (Actually, with all this I AM GREY!!! and the feeling old part is starting to creep in there too!!)<P>I am so torn - UGH!!!!<P>I know that message of him seeming to act like you and the marriage never existed....I got that for a long time!!<P>What brought Mike around? How was he effected by your leaving for a while? What did that do? I can't leave for anywhere - so that would mean just a Plan B type thing....<P>I always said that I would be with him no matter what and now....to have to be the one to stop the communication, even as little as it is and mostly when and how he wants it is something that goes against what I feel and have maintained throughout my life with him.....<P>Oh, what's one more weight on my heart!!<P>HUGS, <P>Sheba

hi deb, I am so happy for you and bozo! Do we still get to call him bozo? Or is it time for a name change too? <BR>I can understand being apprehensive. It is scarey to wonder if it will happen again. Afterall, behavior patterns are hard to change. But i do tink that with our guiding hand and with god's help, he can change. <BR>We now have the tools, the support system, and the knowledge to deal with almost anything!! <BR>(((hugs))) cl

Deb, I know somewhat how you feel! Though this was the first time chick ever did something like that to me (and hopefully the last !) I still feel sometimes that I am not much use to some people on this site. Things are going sooooo good. But I keep coming back because I remember how you and others who were working things out when I first started here helped me so much. It was nice knowing that someone could make things a go. I haven't been responding much lately, though I have been reading, because I feel so helpless at times. I had to learn so much at such a slow pace, and that was the only way for me to go, but I am hoping that I can help just one person the way that you, FHL, TNT, Wassy, and Sheba helped me. Your doing great, hon! Give yourself a pat on the back and do some major smiling! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>