Stretch - that last sentence is tough, isn't it. It looks like you're on a good path though. Hopefully the family will watch the kids from time to time, so that the two of you can connect as a couple.

Great connection on this vacation. Thoughts about A never leave my mind for long. Time to process more when we get back. I know I need to pace myself better and smooth the roller coaster.

I think she is making up her mind about this M and its going to be a good thing. The prize may be in sight. But, like I realized a couple weeks ago... I just need to work on becoming the best man / father / husband I want to be. If we move to Plan B... I need to be sure I am strong for that.

Andy, when DD (7) said that... "Will you live together forever?" I just thought... 'Out of the mouth of babes...' Oof!

The home we are in now... my WW says, "I want to live here forever and see the grandkids here." Well, I know she wasn't envisioning me in the picture before. But now... maybe so.

Lots and lots of healing yet to go. Not near recovery yet.

On this vaca, the topic hasn't come up with FIL or step MIL. I think none of us wants to talk it over this week. When we are all back home there will be dialogue. I am learning to pace myself. Its hard. But time, time, time.

Maybe you and my wife can meet someday and share manuscripts. She is jealous I have a club of men that are like me. Where is her Survivor's group, she asks? Thanks for lookin in and listening. You are welcome here. You are brave to join us here. Appreciate your words.

Stretch - I'm so happy for you! That's awesome. It sounds like you're on the right path. I'm still in no-man's land and she's still trying to figure it out. It's incredible, the moods she's going through right now. A day ago, don't touch me, tonight, very fatigued and tired; a foot rub was okay. WTH? We have lunch planned tomorrow, who knows which personality I will face.

I'm still smiling about your latest post - that's just plain awesome! I hope you have a great week down there!

Andy... you won't believe this but...
(I hate to boast.. but, oh WTH)
I already told you the morning we left... nice SF before packing for airport. Okay.
So, end of first day at the beach and pool... taking my shower in hotel, rinsing off the beach, suntan lotion, chlorine.... so she comes in, locks the door, joins me in the shower... just happy about the day and.... shower SF!

I need to read more on that Hysterical Bonding thing Reynolds keeps telling us about.

Hey, this could be a roller coaster mood swing thing. I CANNOT get cocky and comfortable. Plan A. Stay strong. Work the plan. I must not think for one second we are in recovery. This is just good loving and FC happiness right now. There is a lot of pain and sh*t to process when we get back. Time, time, time.

Way to rub it in stretch!!

Seriously, though, glad to hear that y'all are getting somewhere. I think I'm like you (sans SF, unfortunately) and hesitant to call myself recovered. You must be doing something right, so keep it up, sounds like you're doing really good!

I will stop theSF posts. In all seriousness, yes its an important EN and an important development in our healing. But, also un gentleman like. This is a safe forum for honest discussion. But still, I need to learn better boundaries. And I know my wife would appreciate better boundaries.

In a radically honest relationship with POJA I should not write something my wife would not want to read.

We have a long way to go to work on O&H. But I can model and practice better behavior now.

Whoa, stretch, I wasn't calling you out or offended or anything Seriously, don't feel like you have to censor your posts based on anything that I said and I hope that's not what you meant. I meant the "way to rub it in" comment in good fun...kind of hard to convey a jovial tone on the keyboard, guess the smiley face didn't work.

But, if you're recanting based on what you wouldn't want your wife to read, then that makes sense, too.

Right. No offense at your post nwoods. Its good guy banter. Thx

But I am saying I intend to change disrespectful guy banter. Same way I gave up porn or strip clubs on business. Some wifes don't care. Good for them. My wife used to not care. But now she says she does. So, POJA. Iam empowered and strengthened when I say to myself: "we have OH M so if I do this I will tell wife. What would she think."

Yup, this is pretty common (and fun while it lasts!)

Another common thing that sometimes happens is that around the six months mark, you will experience anger and resentment all over again, even if you're still working towards recovery. Know this is possible and be prepared.

This is why it is so important to stay with the MB principles even after the affair is ended. It should become a way of life in your marriage.

Stretch - I'm escastic for you!! SF, wow, I'm getting whatever the opposite of that is..paging Ms. Bobbitt, paging Ms. Bobbitt... :-) It makes me feel good to see that others are having success.

So now I am the Hysterical Bonding guy? LOL not at my house:)

Glad to see you are still doing good Stretch. And yes, six months sucks for sure.

stretch, don't stop posting about SF...right now there is a group of us that can only get SF vicariously thru you. If you stop posting you're cutting us all off.

+1,000,000 to F4L - I'm with that 100%, but keep it PG, okay, maybe R rated.

Any idea how long I have been trying to reply to this darn thread? I hope this thing stays up!

Stretch, if you want to be a gentleman I think thats great. The rest of us hounds can get by with out the details. Plus you might want to show her this thread many many moons down the road.

You keep your details to yourself, enjoy all the good stuff coming your way.

That's right Reynolds. Its fun banter and all that. But I am working on me... working on changing my ways. I want to be more respectful of our shared SF. And its getting better the more open and intimate we are, the more uninhibited and fulfilling it becomes. But immature guy banter and so forth is a bad habit.

This site has really been acting up for days. I wasn't able to get on for a long time either.

We have had some family stress with a funeral and everything that goes with it. Heck of a time to work on Plan A. But I really, really am staying strong. Avoiding any LB's during these trying times and being a part of her family... helping the kids through a funeral... sharing so many memories with her family... those are all love unit deposits. I hope she finds me irreplacable and a strong loving man to share these sorts of times with. Can't imagine going through this without each other.

But I am not behaving the way I am (loving her family... taking care of my children... taking care of her EN's) just to win her back. I am not. I am doing this for me. Because I want to be the best man I can be. Of course, I hope I am depositing love units and winning her back. But I resigned: that's out of my hands and I will eventually be at peace with that and strong enough to let go. I am being who I am for my future and because I like being this man. She will probably fall in love with me again / lift the fog / find remorse / find commitment / work on our marriage with renewed zeal and devotion / finally enter "recovery.". Seems we have a chance for Plan A to work. Pretty good chance. But "recovery" is not a certain thing.

Stretch - sounds like things are going well for you. That's awesome! I'm sorry that it's a funeral, but it is also an opporutnity for you to shine. I don't mean any disrepect with that statement.

None taken.

I was very conscious of the fact that I wanted to shine... but I am not doing what I do just to show off, manage my impression to everyone... just to win her back.

I tried my best to be the best man I could be today because its who I want to be. I actually gave a really long eulogy for her grandmother. Told a lot of great stories. Got the room laughing and crying. It was easy though. I can speak in front of people. Tears are easy. So are telling jokes. But honestly, it was easy because I really loved her grandma. And I love her mom, and her whole family. Even the ones that betrayed me (they are not dead to me... but we are not all good either... there is some serious work to be done between us!)


Most of all... I did love that dear grandma. Her grandma was like my grandma too. So giving the eulogy was easy. I sat down to write and the words and stories just flowed. It was easy and an honor.

Stretch - I'm like you - it was the right thing to do - and that's most important. Taking the high road isn't always easy, but it sounds like you did exactly what you should have done. I'm sure you made some LB$ deposits with WW and others. This also put you in a favorable light with WW's family, for all the right reasons - especially the ones that know of your troubles.

Having a hard time with plan A tonight. Feeling discouraged. I think she is now trying extra hard to find faults. MC today was whiplash. After great family vaca and then LB deposits at gma funeral I had to hear about two things Idid wrong during the week. Its not fair. I have a.dozen really bad things I want and needto be angry about but have to wait. Logic debate is no good. I feel I have no voice. Can I do this for four more months?

It feels good to have the forum. I would have lost my cool probably and gone on an angry outburst.