OK. The logistics throw me off. I'm married to him, he's DD4's dad but I can't depend on him for anything. A hard lesson for me to learn. You'd think I would have learned that lesson by now.

I gave it some more thought and will just go lower budget on the swingset and get someone to help assemble it. Times like these I wish I had a brother!

I'll work out some other solutions for my storage unit and the tree. Anyone want to chop a tree down? Free firewood!

Rough week.

Confirmed I am 8 weeks pregnant. H responded to my request for legal separation by responding that he wants a divorce. He knows I am pregnant. I almost think he filed because I am pregnant. His response to the news was...what are you going to do about it?

Did I expect him to be happy? Or to say, "I'm dumping the OW and quitting my job. Please take me back." No. Just not act so damn inconvenienced.

On the one hand, I'm sad about D. On the other hand, at least I know what direction I'm going in and feel somewhat relieved. I am not sure I could ever love this man again. And if I did, it could not be the man I see before me today. It would have to be a person who showed remorse, humility, regret and wanted to change. My H is none of those things. He had everything and he's throwing it all away.

Talked to my IC today and he said he's worried that my H will be able to parent the child. No duh?! We both think that H will resent me and child forever and ever. Although, H was pretty distant during my 1st pregnancy and literally fell in love with DD4 when she was born.

I do ask myself...can I bring a child into the world where it could face such heartache from a parent? Is my love enough to shield this child from the rejection of a parent?

I'm jumping ahead of myself...who knows what his reaction will be many months from now.

Honestly, I think his reaction is more about the fact that he wants to remain cake-eating. When I confirmed pregnancy with him, I told him that I will not even consider reconciling with him until he quits his job. He responded..."we'll see."

I broke Plan B to give him confirmation of pregnancy. Going back to darkness. Although have to see him next week for pow wow between attorneys. H wants one of those nice friendly divorces (even though he's been nothing but nasty and uncooperative) and my atty and I say no way.

Can your attorney meet with the other attorney without your presence? So you can remain in the safe haven of darkness to the drama of the affair?

Staying away from WH's grasp which is leaning towards even more cruel would be ideal.

Congrats on the pregnancy.....may the child be a true joy despite the situation you are in. (((hug)))

Thanks Reading.

The timing is the worst. It's not planned and I was using birth control. H and I hadn't been intimate all that frequently. But it does take just once. I am happy despite the other circumstances and could never do anything other than raise the baby...even if I will have to do it all alone. My grandmother raised 2 children in the 1950s all alone - divorced one of her husbands who then died - and did it working 2-3 jobs. If she could do it, so can I.

I'll talk with my attorney about it. It's the other side that's requesting it...maybe I can go and sit in another room so atty can have access to me without me seeing H. Again, I think H has fantasy about a nice friendly divorce where he's in charge.

Talked with my parents about what's been going on. Told them that my daughter recently said to me that "Daddy doesn't want to see you." My mom said that he made a point to tell her the same thing.

Funny...I'm the one who blocked his calls, emails and avoid him. But now it's he who does not want to see me.

'It's the other side that's requesting it'

Well then....its not a requirement! I, personally (meaning me, reading) in such a situation would tell my attorney that I will not meet but that the attorneys can discuss and my attorney can call me on the phone to discuss if need be or talk about whatever and go back to discuss more with WH's attorney later.

But...that is me.

Do you really want to be there? Even in another room?

Spoke to Steve H today. Gave him update on where I stand with WH filing for divorce and that I am in Plan B.

Steve wants me to back away from Plan B a bit. He wants me to limit contact with H for sure but he wants me to, whenever I do see WH, to reiterate that I don't want a divorce and that we can have a happy marriage. He wants me to shut the door but leave it slightly ajar, reminding my husband periodically of why he fell in love with me the first place.

I am so confused. Frustrated. And feeling so low. Does someon have a rock I can crawl under?

Part of me wants to stay in Plan B and just handle everything through my atty but that will cost me money. Put up a big fight legally - the whole nine yards.

Another part wants to throw my hands up in the air and just say - fine, take everything. You've already taken so much, just take it all. But that'll also cost me money, time with my daughter, my future.

The other part wants to do just what Steve says. That'll cost me pride. And I worry that my WH will just interpret is as me being clingy, desperate, etc.

Heard from my atty today that now my WH wants to go to counseling with me. I asked atty what the point was and he said it was so we got along during divorce. I told him I have no problem getting along with WH - it was he who always started drama with me. Think WH wants another platform to try to convince me this is all my fault and that I should just get over everything and move on.

I think it's time I move to Divorcing/Divorced forum.

No rocks for you!

I know this is tough. You have several ways to go and only YOU can decide which way to do things.

Steve is wise so perhaps your WH will agree to phone counseling with him. You really don't need to do counseling with WH with any other counselor...they are the kiss of death for marriages almost always. You might be able to use this request of WH to your advantage to get him to Steve. Respond through atty "Fuzzy Math is agreeable to phone counseling through Steve Harley of marriagebuilders coaching center. Its a world renown organization for marriage counseling. Fuzzy Math agrees to no other counseling at this time"

If you do what Steve says and give peeks......make sure you are not clingy and desperate looking when seen but radiant and strong and fair and wise and growing a darling sweet baby who lifts you up from the whole sad scene.

Reading,

Thanks. Just feeling crappy. Tired. Alone. I'll get over it.

I hadn't even thought of Steve. That's brilliant!

I do think the point of the counselor is not to save marriage but to get me to accept the unacceptable - that my WH is going to continue his affair, abandon his family and ruin our lives. He wants someone else to convince me of this, so I'll be more pliable during a D. So, I doubt he'd agree to Steve.

I remember that when we went to marriage counseling, the point was for counselor to convince me what a horrible wife I was. The second we talked about my H, H didn't like counselor anymore and we stopped going.