Please bare with me cause I have never wrote on anything like this. My friend told me about this site, and I hope that you all will help me cause I am LOST!:(
My story is not the typical story either,and even I can't believe this is MY LIFE.
Me and my husband have been married for 16 years. During this time he has had 2 affairs and I was completely faithful to him our whole marriage. Two years ago he had affair with my very best friend, and part of me died that day, and my love changed.
I still love my husband, and we have children so I told him I would try this one last time.

I did so, and we got better, but never have overcome the affair he had by any means.

This is where my life took a huge turn I never saw coming.
Me and my husband are HUGE basketball fans, and attend many games and such.
By some WILD chance of luck, and a connection, I got to met with one of my favorite NBA players.

This was no secret and everyone I knew thought it was awesome! I took pictures that day, he met my family.. I was head over hills happy.

That night I came home and sent him the picture on the internet NEVER thinking I would hear back.. I was wrong.
He wrote me that night and told me how awesome I was. I was still in shock that he was actually talking to me.
I thought that would be it, and actually told my husband about it. He said something like, "I doubt that is even him, He meets how many people a day?"

Next day he had wrote me again and said something that I had said when we met so I was sure it was him..and we have talked everyday since that FB message in November.

I talked to him for several months online,but never anything more because I was married and MUCH older than he.
We both agreed we were good friends. We kept it friendly ONLY nothing sexual other than him saying things like I am so beautiful.. He gives me free tickets to all his home games in which I go with a friend or my husband I have to always make up reasons how I got these tickets cause I could never tell anyone other than 2 close friends.

As months went by I lived for our messages.. till one day he called me and I talked to him all day long.
That week we met up and it became sexual.That was In the beginning of February.

I am in SUCH A MESS NOW! I do not love him, but I AM OBSESSED with him. I am star struck more that I can say,and it makes me SICK! He has feelings for me, and I know they are true. He is not your typical "professional" athlete that sleeps around. I am sure of this, and know this is a HUGE deal for him also.
I was slapped into reality when I went to his game this week and a woman came up to me while I was sitting WITH MY HUSBAND and said" Do you remember me? Your *******'s girlfriend, right? I was your waitress at ********" The truth showing itself. I just laughed and said NO not me, and my husband was like wow, you wish as a Joke.:( It really really killed me inside.
It SCARED ME SO BAD I CANT THINK NOW!!!!!!

I Need to stop this NOW! I can not see how my husband will EVER be able to get over this. How can he EVER compare to a man who is 12 years younger and a well known on top of that ??

I feel like I am losing my mind, and the guilt is eating me alive!

please tell me what I can do? I am so lost.. I really am. I told the Other man what happened, and this getting out could really do damage to both of us!
I have not talked to other man since last night, and he is writing me non stop. He is making me feel bad by saying things like he has a game coming up and I am screwing with his life by ignoring him. ..he needs me.. you get it.

I want to go back to my OLD life, what steps do I take? Where do I start?

thank you so much, I know this is a huge mess, and I am so sorry.

Heather

heather....im sorry to tell you but your old life is gone....dead....YOU killed it. you need to stop all contact with om and tell your husband all of it. take responsibility for what you have done and start fixing it. get the book "surviving an affair" (saa) and give it to your husband. you have a lot of damage to undo.....

Affairs work like an addiction on the brain. OM = crack. You are going to have to go COLD turkey. Every contact (phone, text, email or FB) will set the withdrawal clock back to Day 1.

Not only that, but you will need to put a plan into place to ensure that contact doesn't start back up. You will need to close your FB account and change your phone #. Anything less than that is the equivalent of a crackhead keeping crack in their house. It won't work.

Most importantly, you are going to have to tell your H. There is NO other way.

Are you ready to start putting your family back together?

a friend of mine was a major league baseball player for 13 years. Professional athletes live a strange existence that they call "the life". Its hard to fathom unless you've seen it.

Part of "the life" for the overwhelming majority of athletes is having a woman in each city the team visits. Then they pack up and go someplace else where another woman is waiting. Because they are always in demand sexually, girlfriends get replaced frequently and without a second's thought.

I hate to tell you this, but because you are married you make a better girlfriend to an athlete. This is because it is unlikely that you will intentionally get pregnant or seek to make your relationship public.

I post this because I personally saw women discarded like yesterday's trash who had no idea that they were regarded as expendable sex toys. They are talked about as if they're not even human. The athletes are conditioned to think this way. Trust me, there are 3 other women who are "messin' with his game" the same way you are.

Go get checked for STDs. I understand you H had 2 x affairs? Did you not know the feelings they produce?
I would suggest making arrangements for the children this weekend and plan on starting this today!
First tell your H. Second draft a NC and let him send it. Third, hold on for the emotional ride of HIS (your) life and listen to the vets here.

Heather, the others are right, you need to tell your husband, end the affair and get checked for cooties. The OM has been doing this with many other women [sorry, you are not "special" and he has no respect for you] and likely has diseases. You are one of a long line of booty call for the OM.

But first, tell your husband!

Too true. Years ago my H and I followed a professional baseball team and spent time in the same restaurants/bars they frequented when they were in town. We actually got to know a few of them and what you're hearing here is true. They would talk about the women they had in different cities where they played. And believe me, they didn't talk about them with any respect.

Is the basketball player married? You need to expose to his wife if he is.

But you can�t avoid it. You must expose to your H.

You guys have a lot of work to do due to the amount of infidelity in your lives.

This place has a great program to follow for you guys to put your life back together, but cutting off all contact with OM and telling your H is the universal advice you will get here.

The basketball player is playing you.

Oh, yes, STDs... I lived in Orlando for a little while back in the '90s. My roomate was dating one of the Magic player's brother, they lived together. I even went over to the house one time. What everyone is saying is true ~ these professional athletes get "around".

Please make sure you go get tested ASAP and your H as well.

Heather, I am sorry to have to tell you that he is a typical athlete who sleeps around at each city of calling. It's a game that many professional athletes play. You are a booty call to him and nothing more, despite what he says to you.

You have been duped by this man. Think about it: how is an older married woman special to a young, rich athlete? You're not. He doesn't want you outside of sex. Deep down inside you mean nothing to him.

You took a HUGE risk and now it is time to pay. As you found out, you cannot keep an A a secret. I'm sure the rumors are spreading about this guys married girlfriend.

Tell your H now before he finds out from someone else. There is no avoiding this. Tell him and hope that the fallout from this can be overcome.

Your H may have a very difficult time trying to measure up to a pro athlete. Some men may not be able to overcome the comparison.

Heather,
I'm afraid it's time for you to understand your purpose to the Basketball player, you are just a groupie that they set up to fill their needs, and of course a joke or two in the locker room before or after the game.......
Wake up honey......this is so disgrading for you........
Okay now that I have said what is your truth, it's time for you to stand up to the plate and get your moral compass back to where it should be.
First of all end the affair with the Basketball player for good, and then tell your husband of your mistake, don't make excuses as to why other than you have made a mistake and you want to change that.
Tell him you are very sorry and hope that he can forgive and you hope he is willing to stay married and work through this mess you have created.....
good luck

You can't be that naive, can you??? My brother played professional football for years and him and his friends had zero loyalty to women because they had more women than you can count. Gain back your self respect, tell your DH and tell Mr. Ball player bye bye. Your post is really pitiful. I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. I pray that you get STD tested.

..... god i hope it isn't Tony Parker or Manu

You are not dumb, but you made a mistake and deep in your heart you know it. Even if he were not a professional basketball player with 100 women in his little black book: a man who tries to put you under pressure and manipulates you is no good. Did you ever bug him, because he screwed your life up? He is whining about a basketball game, because that is all that's important to him and all he has to lose. You stand to lose so much more than just an illusion. Get out as gracefully as you can. At least you will be the one who gets to dump him instead of the other way around.

Please get yourself together and start thinking about the future of your family.

You can do it. Best wishes,

Happyheart

Heather, even if you believe he has serious feelings for you or is exclusively with you right now, whatever, I can guarantee you one thing...he has had sex with hundreds of women before you.

Please please get yourself and your H to a dr for STD testing ASAP.

Heather,

Wisertoday's valid point is best answered by the following...

I know dear BH that you are not as strong or as quick as a jacka$$ either but at the end of the day he's still a jacka$$...

and you are not...

YOU are a man in every sense of the word and I am in love with YOU...

NOT the jacka$$.

God bless.

Jim

Wow I am a bit overwhelmed by some of your replies. And those that gave it to me softly thank you.

First I want to be VERY CLEAR about some things. I am NOT some stupid woman who dropped of the face of Mars yesterday to earth.
I COMPLETELY get how players are because I have worked around them for 7 years now. I hear what they say about women, and how it works.
I have 2 very close friends, and co workers that are currently one of these "women" you are talking about with two of the other players on his team.

Not that it matters to any of you, but I KNOW without a doubt that the other man in my situation IS NOT like the other players you all warn me about.
Yes, he has slept with women, I am not saying he has not, but he is not your normal, run of the mill, "player". You can say "oh she is so stupid to not get it".. I TOTALLY get it, but if I told you the circumstances to how I know he is not like that you will all know who I am talking about, and I can't do that. He is not married,and does not have another girlfriend AT THIS TIME other than myself.

ok, now that I am done trying to prove I am not a complete moron .. I know what I am doing is completely wrong and I am trying to change that. The more I am trying the more it is spinning out of control.
I know what I have to do, and went no contact with him till this morning when he came to my house because I did not answer calls or messages.
Now this has put me in an even more critical situation because my neighbor saw him coming out of my house and FREAKED that I know ******* **********.! I told him that he is a client and to please not say anything, but I know it is God unraveling my sins for the world to see.

I am going to have to tell my husband today because tonight we are suppose to go to the game, and I cant do this anymore to both of us.
MY husband will be hurt, but he knows where my heart is and what he has done to me twice. This will not be easy, but has to be done.
I am so scared I can't deal with this.. I feel like I am going to fall apart before I can even say the words to tell him.
I am so shameful... God forgive my soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


.

Well, Heather. You make some good points. How can your H ever compete with a man who is 12 years younger, well known, and presumably athletic and attractive?

That is definitely not something he'll be able to "get over" on his own. It would be up to YOU to PROVE to your H that you love him, adore him, think he's sexy and attractive and better than this manipulative piece of trash NBA player.

You think it can't be done? Don't be so sure. My WW's affair partner is a well known musician, a foot taller than me, presumably "well endowed," "sexy" and etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. Now, of course, I know he's a piece of trash and I'm recovering my self-esteem... but my WW had (still has) a TON of proving to do to make me believe that SHE thinks I'm better than POSOM. If she can't do that, then yeah, it's plan D... no man can be a good H while he's constantly thinking about how he's 2nd best, and good luck getting a man to "perform" while he's constantly comparing himself.

So that "getting over" (which is a terrible term, try "recovering" or "healing" instead) has a lot to do with how YOU treat your H from here on out.

How much do you want to recover your marriage, Heather? You know the pain of betrayal, and you just inflicted it on your H. You're both going to have some healing to do.

Jim,
I loved what you wrote and I am going to say this because I know that is what will take place
thank you SO much!

THANK you so much Stuckwaiting.. this gave me hope today! I am going to try!!!!!!!