Sunshine, why don't you email the Harleys and ask to be on their daily radio show. This is a great question that I'm sure will come up time and time again for others. How you handle this will be a learning example for others who come behind you.

Now, in my opinion, and thinking about MB concepts, I think you have to tell your husband. HOW you tell him is important. He needs to know that you are not approaching him with this an accusation but to let him know what's going on. This is a roadblock in your recovery that will eat at you until you know the truth.

You and your husband should deal with this as a united front, if it should come to that. As for a response? No response to OW is necessary. You don't owe her anything. However, SAVE this message in case she escalates her attempts to get through.

I love SB's translation. It's dead on.

Two MB principles here, tangentially in opposition.

NC - usually interpreted as "AP is dead to us, we don't think of AP, we don't achknowledge existence of AP"

O & H - interpreted as the partners in a marriage do NOT keep vital pieces of information from each other

I think since, like it or not, AP in your case has already inserted herself into your consciousness, O & H would have primacy here. Tell your husband that you were contacted; tell him you have no intention of responding positively to OW; agree that she has no claim upon your joint happiness, and go on with your life.

Ok, so now I got a message on FB from the friend of POSOW. She wrote "Aren't you married to WH?" I am dying to message back and expose the A to POSOW's friend. I never got a chance to expose to POSOW's friends and family. I would love to tell this friend all about what kind of person POSOW is. I guess the reason I'm asking is because I know I shouldn't respond, but I soooo want to!!!

I am coming down on the side of NG and Meggy's advice as far as telling your H goes. They have made very valid points.

I would still not respond to these FB requests. Someone is up to something and I would suggest that you resist being drawn into that.

Ok, MB. I will be speaking to my WH tonight.

I know, I know I can't let them drag me in, but I sooo want to tell POSOW's friend what kind of person she is.

Yeah, I know. But you know they won't believe you. Until she does it with their H, of course.

I am nervous to talk to WH about this tonite, but excited to get it out. Not sure why I'm nervous. If any one has any words of wisdom or ideas as to how to start the convo, I'd appreciate it. I pretty much know what I'm gonna say, but any of your thoughts are welcome.

Hi Sunshine, update please?

Well, I talked to WH and he was shocked that POSOW contacted me. WH was very upset, because it upset me so much.
POSOW has not contacted me since, thank goodness.
I have a couple questions, though, and I hope
someone can help. D-day was 10 mos. ago. I never exposed
my WH infedelities, because when I first came on MB, I thought
exposure was to kill the A. Since my WH confessed A to me,
I saw no reason to expose.(silly me!)I now know the A should be
exposed for WH accountability. This is WH 2nd A, and I
did not want to look like a fool for taking WH back a 2nd time. Our children do not know, either.

Now 10 mos. later I would like to tell our children, mom and sister. I feel like a big liar by not telling at least our children. I don't think my mom or sister would understand why
I am staying in this marriage. I am confused. Would I be ruining
recovery at this point by exposing? I feel the need to do this for my own peace of mind and WH accountability.

Two affairs , nothing stops him having a third and fourth. Sit with your children and tell them of both affairs, name the OW's. Expose this to his parents , siblings and yours. Not doing so allows you to be held to his terms, where he cheats whenever he can.

No matter how difficult this is going to be you expose and at the same time he abides to a set of extraordinary precautions, no opposite sex friendships, no after-hours functions business or pleasure that you are not present at, full access to all mail accounts, phone etc. He calls you often to verify his location, he agrees to and carries a gps in his vehicles at all time.

These are some examples of EP's , he may say this is controlling it is not it is verification as he is a serial adulterer and has to do everything to build your trust and protect your marriage.

Hi there,
Sit down and explain your feelings and the reasons you want to expose, I can understand that this will make you feel better and you feel that this will hold him accountable in a way........
He really shouldn't have a problem if he truly wants to mend things, twice is a huge problem for you with no accountablilty.......
Set up all the bondaries and extraordinary precautions and move forward after the exposure.........
good luck

The main reason for exposure IS to kill the affair, however even when the A is over there are certain people who should be told, if they had not been already.

Immediate family, close friends, pastors, and OP's spouse should be among them.

Yes, I do believe our children should know. I think 10mos. ago telling them kept being put on the back burner. Now, it will be so hard for them to hear what their father did to their mother and to them. I don't know if I can handle all the raw emotion. My WH wanted to tell them at first, but I did not feel it was a good idea at the time. Is there any good reason other than accountability to tell the children now? This will break their hearts. When they are told, do we answer every question they have?

They have, unbenknownst to you and WH, many memories and questions from that time. Kids, being the egocentrics they are, internalize and blame themselves for anything they can't explain by other means.

Telling them now will answer their questions about that time, and set them free from the blame they have been carrying.

I also wanted to tell you, make sure you don't reply to their messages. When you do, it gives that person 30 days to view your wall and possibly even photos. They're probably trying to snoop.

I'm hidden on FB, no one can find me but I've had several people of the male persuasion trying to friend me or sending me complimentary messages, always commenting me on my appearance which is impossible to see because I'm unsearchable. I think my FWH's AP is trying to find a way in to sneak on my page and see where we are now in our marriage. I never reply and block each and every one of them.