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He won't be gone 6 weeks straight. He will be gone every other week in the next 6 weeks.

I will take your advice.

Maybe I should read through some of my old posts too. I don't remember being an optimist, that's interesting. I guess I have changed a lot?

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Originally Posted by Autumn Day
He won't be gone 6 weeks straight. He will be gone every other week in the next 6 weeks.

I will take your advice.

Maybe I should read through some of my old posts too. I don't remember being an optimist, that's interesting. I guess I have changed a lot?

Over the course of 7 years? I'm sure you changed some. I know I have changed A LOT in the past year.

I am happy that you found something at the bottom of the tank, AD.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
You have the link for the free archive handy, Mel? Or, could you toss Markos an elbow to post it up again? I'm lazy, just got home from clinicals.

Here ya go! here

Quote
That's all I can think of, the vets probably think of better. There is always the radio show, too.

Those are excellent suggestions and I wanted to say I DO consider anyone who knows about Marriage Builders to be a "vet." I would certainly place you in that category and think you are an asset to this board. smile



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Autumn Day
[Even though I know I'll receive 2 x 4's for being shallow]... I don't know how I will ever get past the fact I have ZERO physical attraction to him, because of his weight. I can't imagine I'd suddenly be attracted to him, even if in love with him, and I can't imagine falling in love with someone I have no physical attraction to. His weight really bothers me.

You're not going to get an 2x4's from me. You are honestly stating that your H is not meeting one of your major ENs - physical attractiveness, and there's nothing shallow about that.

A few days after discovery of my FWW's A (and before I stumbled across MB), I had a long discussion with her about what had gone wrong in our M and what it is about me that had caused her to fall out of love with me. I didn't phrase my questions exactly that way, but the intent was to find out about the things I could change, and the things I couldn't . If there were any things that I couldn't change in her responses, then my intent was to pursue at D at that point, as it would be pointless to continue trying to regain her love. Of course she gave me a bit of vagueness and fogspeak in her answers, but what I heard convinced me that I had a chance.

I believe your H should know by now that his weight problem is seriously getting in the way of him meeting one of your major ENs. It's really up to him at this point to decide if he wants to do something about it. He needs to own that issue. And if he doesn't do anything serious about it, then it suggests that he's not as invested in recovery as he should be.



ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Originally Posted by schoolbus
You asked what you could read?

LEADERSHIP AND SELF-DECEPTION: GETTING OUT OF THE BOX, by The Arbinger Institute.


I recently took SB's book recommendation and so glad I did. H said found it very interesting and helpful, and this is a man who doesn't exactly relish "self-help" books. Didn't know there was a follow-up, that's just been ordered:)

married 19 yrs.
H EA Oct. 2010
separated Nov.
recovering!

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Glad you found it helpful, Cabbage. I think that MB concepts and the "box" concepts are very much grounded in the same philosophical pretexts.

These ideas - MB and the box - have changed me for the better. Whenever I can, I make the recommendations to read them, because

they WORK!


Life changers, both of them.


Worth every single minute of reading.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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