I have been married for 22 yrs and still have 2 young children at home . In January I found that my husband had several profiles on his computer from a dating site. I confronted him with these and he just look dumb struck. He told me that these just showed up on his email and didnt know why. He admitted at looking at them but was not looking for or wanting another women. This past Monday I come home from work and found his computer on and his instant messanger still up and running. In this a saw where he was telling some women that they could chat from 8:30 am to 1 because he works evening.There was also another womens profile and her wanting time to chat. He must have been in a hurry to get to work, since the computer was left up and running.Iam devistated and dont know how to confront him with what i saw. Since he had to have lied when i asked about the profiles. I have been married to this man since i was 19 .I love him very much, but i dont want to be treated like a fool. I want him to be truthful good or bad but i am afraid it will be a lie. What can i do to get an answer and not look like im an over jealous wife. I dont want to lose him but i cant live like this. Please help me find what he needs from me that he is looking to get from someone else.

Welcome to MArriage Builders, sorry you are here.

Stop asking him what he is doing and find out on your own. Go pay for and download eblaster and install it on his computer. [it takes about 5 minutes to install and will email you daily or hourly reports] It costs about $100 but is a real good keylogger that is hard to detect. spectorsoft.com

After you install it, run his anti-virus to make sure it is not detected. If it is detected, simply program the AV program to ignore it. [this is very easy to do]

Once you put that on there and find out what he is doing, come back here and we will give you next steps.

I'm so sorry, I know how it feels to find out, and to get the lame "it just showed up" answer. It's taken a lot of years for my H to face how he's spent much of his free time. Ask for passwords...there should be no place to hide. I hope he is at least mildly interested in stopping the behavior to become the best husband/father/man. Until then he'll deny it all. I can't count the lies my H told me. It all came to a head last year and he broke his laptop he was so frustrated. Today he is emerging a newer man, relieved to finally be leaving it all behind him (and me).

Thank you for your advice . I just guess there is no easy way out of this mess.

Thanks for that confermation. I haf been contimplating that but didnt want to have to feel like a spy.

For your sake, your marriage's sake and especially your kid's sake, you need to be a spy.

Ditto

you just need to find concrete proof so you won't hear 'gee i don't know where that came from'. it's not that hard these days to get proof. but emotionally, yeah it's terribly hard.