Mason --

Every time you break Plan B -- you make the AFFAIR STRONGER.

Your husband was panic-mode when he couldn't find you. He was imagining you out on a date. It was driving him insanely jealous. He was imagining this new man replacing him. He was imagining his sons calling the new guy "daddy". He was in a PANIC to find you.

And what did you do? Reassured him.

So now he's calmed down, and back to his affair-routine.

Is that what you wanted? NO.
You want him to REMAIN in that panic-mode of not knowing what you are up to. Bacause THAT feeling is the one that will make him come to his senses and end the affair.

Stop sabotaging your plan.

Here is an update, WWH started texting my IM like crazy, he think I am dating someone,(I am not) he picked the boys stuff up and found a shopping bag, (I bought something nice for myself) he started pull all of teh financial threats out, only paying 1/2 for daycare, find my own car insurance, health insurance, he is going to call a realtor to sell the house. Told me I am responsible for 1/2 of his credit card debt that it is marital.

I have been to attorney and I understand that he still need to pay as he is now that it is considered statis quo- until we are divorced. Also he can not put the house on market without my consent.

He showed up at the house a 9 am this morning saying he needed something for the boys. (I think he thought I was with someone) He is still with the OW so not sure why he is acting like this. I told him I would bring it outside, he said open the **** door, I pay for 1/2 of this house. I did and locked myself in the bathroom. I am a month into Plan B and this has been the worst it had been. I was pretty shaken up this morning. Going to call the attourney on Monday. Any insight or advice?

Mason,
He is mad that he has lost control of you.......he will calm down, you are right if he is still with OW then what is he doing..............
Call your lawyer on Monday and see if they can send him a letter asking him to conduct himself in a civil manner.........
stay safe

Thank you, the text messages went from 6pm until 1:30 in the morning. If he wants to divorce me then divorce me. Do not threaten me with financial implications. I am not as scared as I was this morning. That is the first time I saw him sinve he told me he wanted a divorce. All of this still makes me sick!

stay calm, he is giving up what he has known in his life, and he doesn't like it, most people in affairs want something from both parties..........he has to now give up what you were giving him, maybe things with the OW are starting to blow up a bit, Reality isn't like the Fantasy they were living before.............
that is exactly why the stats of survival of affair relationships are so small.......
Try to do something relaxing tonight.....

I am, I am going to dinner with one of my girfriends, I have the house bolted and she will stay with me tonight. Thanks, I am glad I checked back in again...I just hope the boys are having fun. He will drop them at my sisters tomorrow.

I am a nervous wreck after this wknd. It did not stop, the finacial threats went on until Saturday afternoon. Then he told sent another text through IM, for me not to worry about the health or car insurance, really what about daycare and selling the house. He called to talk to the boys last night, at first I did not answer, then dialed the phone and let my 2 year old talk. My 5 y old did not want to talk to him. He heard that and then I hung up the phone. I am exhausted from all of this. Is this normal in Plan B.
If he is so happy with the OW why harrass me?? If you want to divorce me so bad why do you care what is going on in my life. I am staying dark and calling my attorney this week. Scary thing is I still do not want a divorce, I should after all of this but I don't. I keep hoping the fog will lift. He is just angry and after everything he has put me through he has no right to be angry at me.

Can someone provide some reassurance. Is this a nomal reaction of a WW when Plan B is implemented??? I need to get my anger back and throw away the fear!

Hi Mason!

I think that all of the turmoil you're seeing from your WH is from the effects of your Plan B... and I agree wholeheartedly with the PP that he needs to be in this turmoil, as it's the turmoil that will bring him out of his fog.

I do want to encourage you to keep Plan B dark, dark, dark!

At this point, since you're still working towards recovery, I'd not put any stock into his words about cutting you off and such... watch his actions!

You're doing great!

I just wanted you to know that you've been heard, please don't keep posting!

Please remind me, did you give your WH a plan B letter? Does he know your conditions for return/recovery?

after he told me he wanted a divorce. We had a very false recovery in January. He does not want to end his relationship with OW, he ran back to her the day after he told me he wnated a divorce.

mason,
I agree your hubby is just angry that his life is in such turmoil, he is seeing the destruction he has caused and he is not liking his life in the shambles it's in.
I think when people are in affairs they never really see the reality of the situation so it comes to him as a shock as well.
Let him feel it all, stay dark..........
He can't leave you hi and dry, the courts won't allow it..........I hope you have legal representation as well......you have to protect yourself and your children, if he say anything tell him through your IM that you have no choice now.......
Let him live the life with the OW let him see her true colors..........He is probably not liking what he is seeing..............the grass over there on the other side is just grass.......remember that.................

The reason why I asked that question is because it seems that he's been allowed to come and go as he pleases (cake eating); and what came of that is the whole "I want a D" scenario.

When you went dark on him, he became frantic, trying to control and contact you (no cake to eat).

What this shows me is that B is working, because the darker you go, the more he craves contact with you (cake), ANY kind of contact.

I just want to encourage you to stay the course and stay dark, and when he does break B, tighten it up asap, and bring out the broken record "I'll do whatever it takes to save our M" and "I'll reopen communication when my requirements are met".


He's going to continue breaking plan B as often as he can to get a dose of you; and as long as he's getting that dose of you, this can go on indefinitely.

And that is not healthy for anybody.

Thank you, it makes sense. I will stay the course and stay dark. I need to protect myself emotionally, I feel better than I did this morning. I hope his threats are just threats if not I will contact my attorney to make sure he knows he legally needs to pay me. It feels good not responding at all, it does give you a sense of control and power, and you are right , he could come and go as he pleased. I was a doormat.

I've often heard here that the plans are simple, but they are not easy, by any means.

Hang in there Mason, you're not alone. We're just a post away!

WH had the boys this weekend, he was angry because I did not tell him about a spring concert at school, he should have found out himself. He did not like picking up & dropping off the boys at my sisters. To be honest I had to drag him to the school stuff last year, always acted like he was too busy. Still sending mean text messages to my IM.

Plan B is still stressful. Some days I feel OK, but broke down yesterday when I was looking through the real estate section, that I probably will have to sell the house and will have a hard time affording anything decent.

Not sure if he has been to attorney or not. He is just angry at me. Alot of nerve after what he has put me through. Follow the plan. He is mad it is not his plan. This is what divorcing me looks like. We are not friends. We do not co-parent. I am frustrated. I want the husband I married back, not this angry person.

Mason --

If you were truly in Plan B, you would not KNOW about his anger or his "mean" text messages to IM.

The main job of the IM is to filter out the non-necessary communication and not deliver any emotional content. Just the facts, not the flavor. ya know?

Your focus needs to be on you and your boys. Let go of WH.

You are right, hard to let go... need to a better job of letting go. I think about everything that has happend. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing when I go to be. When will that end. I am grieving for what I have lost and for what might have been.

I will have to reinforce the boundaries to my sister. It is just hard with two young boys and dealing with financial stuff.

I have been pretty dark, just need to have her to stop telling me things. I want the Plan to work so badly and quickly. I do not want a divorce. Everyone always asks me why haven't you filed? Everyone thinks I am crazy for not filing after what he has done.

I know it is hard, but for a little while, you are going to have to grow a pretty tough skin when they ask you about you filing for a D.

I found it extremely difficult at first because people think that you should just move on. Well, I have been in Plan B for more than 15 months and I am not even legally separated. I haven't filed for a D because I don't need to.

There came a point in time, when I was strong enough, that I just didn't care what other people thought about what I was doing. I have to defend myself now when someone says, "Why are you still waiting for WH?" I say, "I am not 'waiting' for him, I am just not ready to date yet, so why get a D?" I then also tell them that it doesn't mean I will NEVER file for a D. I tell them that I am healing and right now, I am not ready to heal from a D too. They usually are okay with that answer, but they weren't at first.

People really want what is best for you. They just don't know how to help so they tell you what they believe would help them. They have no idea. We do.

The more dark your Plan B, the sooner you will know the peace of healing.

I see Lexxxy touched on the IM. If your sister is unable to handle this for you, you may need to find someone else.

You shouldn't even have known that your WH was upset about finding out about a school function late. You should be in a bubble. Now, about that school function, will he be there? Will you be there as well? You know that the two of you can not be in the same place while you are in Plan B right?