Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 14 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 13 14
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
He has a dog. She sleeps in his room in her crate. His step-brothers share another bedroom....He always wants to sleep in their room when they are here, but it is too small....they don't like it and there is really no sense in it. The doors are right next to each other.

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 570
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 570
SW-
We always plan ahead of time when kids are up past bedtime. If it's not planned ahead, it doesn't happen. Meaning, we plan our lives to get our kids in bed on time. Yes, it stinks for us, as bedtime is 7:30. And, we DO give up social visits on account of the bedtime routine.

When bedtime is later, we start discussing it the day before. "Now, remember, tomorrow we have to make adjustments abc because you are doing a special activity." Then it's repeated the day of in the am, and then in the afternoon.

I figure telling the kids once isn't enough.

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by inrecoverynow
SW-
We always plan ahead of time when kids are up past bedtime. If it's not planned ahead, it doesn't happen. Meaning, we plan our lives to get our kids in bed on time. Yes, it stinks for us, as bedtime is 7:30. And, we DO give up social visits on account of the bedtime routine.

When bedtime is later, we start discussing it the day before. "Now, remember, tomorrow we have to make adjustments abc because you are doing a special activity." Then it's repeated the day of in the am, and then in the afternoon.

I figure telling the kids once isn't enough.

How old are your kids? I would think that at age 11 ds should be able to bend a little on bedtime routines....especially since he is homeschooled and his wake up time is quite flexible.

But all in all you are right....he needed a transition period last night and he didn't get it.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
SW, it sounds like you are doing the best you know how to do so I offer this observation with hesitation. I don't want to imply, in any way, that you're not trying. When I read "I would think that at age 11..." I was reminded of so many things my mom thought *I* should be able to do/know/understand and I just didn't. Flexibility is sometimes a learned skill. And for some kids (and adults), it fades when they're under stress. What�s worse is when a child is advanced in one area, or around other siblings who are doing �just fine� because their weaknesses are held to a higher standard.

I�m probably not making much sense, but it might be a helpful exercise to note, throughout the day, how many throughout the day you feel frustrated with your son�s inadequacy/regression/uncooperative behavior� in any area. And which of these frustrations are possibly accompanied by an expectation that may have been reasonable for him a year ago but temporarily is out of his reach.

It could be that he has too high a need for affection/appreciation and simply needs to grow up (this is my interpretation of how you feel from reading your posts, if I�m wrong forgive me). It could be that he is just saying/doing things for shock value and they�re not really an indication of his personal hurt (this is another sentiment I read from your posts).

It could also be that he is not in touch with his feelings about your living situation (his dad, your new H, other changes) and acting out against himself and you as a method of dispersing the pressure/stress/angst.

I liken it to how my son, when he gets overtired, will scream I hate you or other evil sounding phrases he doesn�t really mean. One time he threw a rampage against the blinds and cut his hand. It scared me half to death! Now every time I see him working back into one of those rages, I remind him to calm himself down because last time he went spastic it hurt really bad and didn�t accomplish his goals. It�s like he forgets, each time, the ultimate result of acting out.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by DaisyTheCat2
SW, it sounds like you are doing the best you know how to do so I offer this observation with hesitation. I don't want to imply, in any way, that you're not trying. When I read "I would think that at age 11..." I was reminded of so many things my mom thought *I* should be able to do/know/understand and I just didn't. Flexibility is sometimes a learned skill. And for some kids (and adults), it fades when they're under stress. What�s worse is when a child is advanced in one area, or around other siblings who are doing �just fine� because their weaknesses are held to a higher standard.

I�m probably not making much sense, but it might be a helpful exercise to note, throughout the day, how many throughout the day you feel frustrated with your son�s inadequacy/regression/uncooperative behavior� in any area. And which of these frustrations are possibly accompanied by an expectation that may have been reasonable for him a year ago but temporarily is out of his reach.

It could be that he has too high a need for affection/appreciation and simply needs to grow up (this is my interpretation of how you feel from reading your posts, if I�m wrong forgive me). It could be that he is just saying/doing things for shock value and they�re not really an indication of his personal hurt (this is another sentiment I read from your posts).

It could also be that he is not in touch with his feelings about your living situation (his dad, your new H, other changes) and acting out against himself and you as a method of dispersing the pressure/stress/angst.

I liken it to how my son, when he gets overtired, will scream I hate you or other evil sounding phrases he doesn�t really mean. One time he threw a rampage against the blinds and cut his hand. It scared me half to death! Now every time I see him working back into one of those rages, I remind him to calm himself down because last time he went spastic it hurt really bad and didn�t accomplish his goals. It�s like he forgets, each time, the ultimate result of acting out.

Daisy, I welcome all observations. I'm avoided discussing this with my mom because she is just too close to the situation. Don't know if I mentioned ds blacked his friend's eye, but when I told my mom that she was mad at the other kid!

Anyway, I wasn't saying 'ds is 11 and is old enough' to mean I never expect regressive behavior from him. He is just a little boy still, but as I discussed with him at length Monday evening he IS old enough to begin being responsible for his feelings and how he treats others.

Monday was melt down for us both....we had a long conversation (afterwards) on the drive to piano when I was calm. In that conversation it came out that he is very concerned about how difficult school is getting to be and he is worried he will have to repeat 5th grade. Thanks to the MB words ringing in my ear I didn't say, 'oh please!' I expressed that I was so sorry he was worried about that and I reassured him that of all the things in his life and mine that are uncertain THAT is one thing that is absolutely NOT going to happen. He said, 'really?' I told him I could tell him with absolute certainty he would NEVER have to repeat a grade of school.

He seemed relieved. Me? I'm just perplexed. That this bright, possibly gifted child could entertain for a second that he might have to repeat a grade.

So those are the things I'm trying to wrap my head around.

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Originally Posted by DaisyTheCat2
One time he threw a rampage against the blinds and cut his hand. It scared me half to death! Now every time I see him working back into one of those rages, I remind him to calm himself down because last time he went spastic it hurt really bad and didn�t accomplish his goals. It�s like he forgets, each time, the ultimate result of acting out.

Daisy,

Thank you for this idea! My son did something similar but it was a 5' x 9' floor to ceiling mirror and he punched himself in the mirror and cracked the mirror and cut his hand slightly (thankfully, it did shatter and cut him all over). I will use your suggestion in the future when I see him getting mad.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
Sometimes I think boys this age, on the precipice of puberty are possibly having surges of testosterone and could use help with channeling their anxiety/anger. Maybe a punching bag or running or something else harmless but physical. Karate, maybe, would help with concentration and personal control (?)

SW...I would probe a bit and ask him if something occurred recently to make him worry about having to repeat the grade. Perhaps someone said something or he read about it or he found out that a friend had to repeat a grade, and he was letting it worry him.

I'd remind him how much better he felt after your conversation with him, how he allowed that to worry him, when talking about it helped him feel better pretty quickly. w

It's tough at this age. If nothing else, going through a bit of a laundry list of possible issues with him weekly could make your own bond with him stronger and may head off some anxiety.

I think if you can demonstrate that you're a good listener and won't manipulate or invalidate his feelings, he will always know he can come to you. ((SW))



Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 570
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 570
SW-
My kids are 7 and under.

BUT, my 7 year old NEEDS more sleep than the average kid, and has a pretty steady wake up time of between 6 and 7 every morning. Even when the kid can sleep in. Trust me, I see plenty of kids younger than my oldest that are in bed much later, and who have the ability to watch fireworks on the 4th of July and stay up for New Years Eve.

Teens still need a ton of sleep, something like 8-9 hours of sleep a night. So, can your 11 year old bend one night? It depends, and you know best. I know mine couldn't.

I'm a big protector of my kid's sleep, particularly with my older one. Because I would rather give up a few social activities so that my kids are rested and less likely to act out then have them over tired and acting out. But, that's just my parenting preference.

You might find something else helpful, it's more related to addiction recovery, but it helps me regulate my emotions. It's called H.A.L.T. If your son is on the path of melting down, maybe encourage him to do some checking of himself. Is he hungry? (H) Angry (A) Lonely (L) or Tired (T)? That might help him choose some more constructive behaviors.


Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by inrecoverynow
SW-
My kids are 7 and under.

BUT, my 7 year old NEEDS more sleep than the average kid, and has a pretty steady wake up time of between 6 and 7 every morning. Even when the kid can sleep in. Trust me, I see plenty of kids younger than my oldest that are in bed much later, and who have the ability to watch fireworks on the 4th of July and stay up for New Years Eve.

Teens still need a ton of sleep, something like 8-9 hours of sleep a night. So, can your 11 year old bend one night? It depends, and you know best. I know mine couldn't.

I'm a big protector of my kid's sleep, particularly with my older one. Because I would rather give up a few social activities so that my kids are rested and less likely to act out then have them over tired and acting out. But, that's just my parenting preference.

You might find something else helpful, it's more related to addiction recovery, but it helps me regulate my emotions. It's called H.A.L.T. If your son is on the path of melting down, maybe encourage him to do some checking of himself. Is he hungry? (H) Angry (A) Lonely (L) or Tired (T)? That might help him choose some more constructive behaviors.

He consistantly gets 10 hours of sleep. He needs it and always has. However, thanks to homeschooling he doesn't have to wake up at 6 or even 7. It is usually 9. So he gets enough sleep. We aren't party animals or anything, but by the time he goes to his dad's every Wed, Bible services every Thursday and then every other weekend staying up at his dad's on Friday night....well, he is used to going to bed later than the average kid.

I LOVE the HALT idea. Thank you. Off to tell him about it now.

He is in a great mood this a.m. Hoping to have a good day with him.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by inrecoverynow
I'm a big protector of my kid's sleep, particularly with my older one. Because I would rather give up a few social activities so that my kids are rested and less likely to act out then have them over tired and acting out. But, that's just my parenting preference.

I'm with you on protecting their sleep.

My son has always needed less sleep than others (ugh), but he needs to be in bed and out of bed at a certain time. Strangely, he can get the same total number of hours of sleep, but if bedtime is pushed back for some reason there will still be problems the next day. Over time, I�ve found fewer and fewer activities that warrant my keeping up past the time his little body wants to be in bed.

Oh, and I love your HALT model� it's actually something I ask myself when I begin to feel "off" angry, irritated, or just notice I�m eating way more than I should.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Just checking in. Today ds and I took off school. I took him for his yearly check up. Spoke with the doctor a bit about ds's headaches and barely touched on the anger/aggression issue....doctor was happy to hear I am taking ds to counseling beginning next week. He went on a bit with son about the divorce stuff....oddly he told me the doctor scared him really bad. Now before any of you think there is something wrong with the doc...no. I was in the room the entire time. Ds stayed clothed the entire time. I think the doc felt of ds's belly below the jean line briefly..nothing untoward at all. Apparently it was the way the doc spoke to ds...about the divorce and ds hitting his friend....he is a matter of fact man but NOT scary at all IMO. I did however, bite my tongue and just tell ds I am sorry he was frightened. I didn't scream out, 'what is wrong with you! He has been your dr since birth! He isn't SCARY!' I didn't even tell ds he was being too sensitive. When I focus on what I shouldn't say, I find I say very little...I just tried to reassure him that he was safe at all times and I am sorry he felt scared.

Then I took ds to his favorite restaurant, bought him a new suit and took him to a big KIDS sale that runs twice a year at the expo center. He had his own money but I told him before we went in that there would be no new purchases of any gun of any kind--not even nerf. He has gone a little overboard with that stuff lately...I was pretty lax about it for a while thinking I didn't want to be the uncool mom, but basically that just comes back to bite ya in the end and so I'm pulling the reigns in. I was ok with nerf guns....but then it got EXTREME nerf...have any of you seen the nerf guns lately? Crazy...like machine guns and such. So anyway, I am not making him get rid of them for now...just not letting him buy more. Well, he got inside and started gathering that kind of stuff...laser guns and nerf....as if I had not just said NO. So he got really mad, but I held my ground. I bought a foosball table there and he could barely be happy about that for being so unhappy that I said no to the guns. But he got over himself and we came on home to get his dog so he could go to his dad's.

We had a nice conversation at home. He asked me what he was suppose to refer to homewrecker as. That led to an entire conversation about her and how I act about her and her role in the destruction of our lives as we once knew it. He tried to tell me I should be forgiving...like the Bible says...I said, 'Did you know we aren't required to forgive everyone?' He didn't know that. I said, 'suppose someone broke into our house and stole everything you own. They took your Itouch, your new laptop, all your legos and your dog. You found them and confronted them and they said, 'sorry,' but they kept your stuff. Would you think they were really sorry? Really asking for forgiveness?' I could tell I made a big impression with him. I pointed out that I don't sit around bad mouthing her 24/7, but to expect that I will pretend that her continued existance in my son's life is 'ok' is too much to expect of anyone. I told him it was too much to expect of ds too. I encouraged him to tell his dad how he feels. He told me that he had already told his dad that he hates her. I told him that if his dad gets rid of her and gets a new girlfriend that things could be really differnt.

He did tell me that it makes him upset when I am upset about her. So we agreed that I would not act all upset about her...

I am trying to listen to him while not brushing it all under the rug like it is all ok now.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
SW, I think we're all in the same boat. Hold has posted about incidents with his daughter about this age on his thread. My OD is a little older, but went through some similar stuff at your son's age, but we didn't know until it all hit the fan last year. I wonder if the way we catered to the dysfunction in our marriages for so long instead of getting our kids to higher ground sooner gave our kids much more to struggle to be resilient against. Maybe they had to try so hard to stay resilient in those situations that they are shell-shocked now. I don't know. What's done is done. All I can do is get a life in the present, like you and the others here do, and help my kids in their effort to do the same.

Quote
He has a dog. She sleeps in his room in her crate.

So you're making a reasonable effort. And taking him to the IC Monday.

Quote
His step-brothers share another bedroom....He always wants to sleep in their room when they are here

So it's not about being attached to you specifically. He's just still learning that we don't get all our preferences. Seeing how his dad was coddled for so long, it makes sense that this is taking a little longer for your son to get that message. But you guys are doing and saying the things to get over the hurdle. Hang in there!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
I am trying to listen to him while not brushing it all under the rug like it is all ok now.

I know it's tough, but I'm proud of you for making the effort-I'm sure it will pay off dividens. {{{SW}}}


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
SW,
I have followed this thread but didn't feel like I had much to offer. Something you said reminded me of a book I read not too long ago which had a definite effect on the way I talk to my kids and how I look at my parenting style. It may offer you some insight and it's not too long of a book. I believe someone here recommended it (I generally don't just pick a book off the shelf). It's called "Between Parent and Child." It made me see why many of my parenting techniques were ineffective and unfortunately possibly harmful. I wish I had read it when my S14 was much younger. Fortunately he seems to be smart enough to have overcome many of my poor parenting skills. smile.

After reading the book I'm already seeing changes in the way we all communicate with each other, and I've felt a lot calmer in my interactions with them.

Opt

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by optimism
SW,
I have followed this thread but didn't feel like I had much to offer. Something you said reminded me of a book I read not too long ago which had a definite effect on the way I talk to my kids and how I look at my parenting style. It may offer you some insight and it's not too long of a book. I believe someone here recommended it (I generally don't just pick a book off the shelf). It's called "Between Parent and Child." It made me see why many of my parenting techniques were ineffective and unfortunately possibly harmful. I wish I had read it when my S14 was much younger. Fortunately he seems to be smart enough to have overcome many of my poor parenting skills. smile.

After reading the book I'm already seeing changes in the way we all communicate with each other, and I've felt a lot calmer in my interactions with them.

Opt

Thank you Opt. I do like to know about good books out there. Making note of this one for my next trip to the library.

As for the consult with the counselor....it went well. He asked LOTS of background questions...WAY back...like my childhood and ds's father's childhood. The weirdest one he asked IMO was how much weight I gained during pregnancy with ds. I told him that was a strange question...he grinned and said he would come back to that and tell me why later, but he forgot I guess.

I got the feeling he quickly saw/felt that ds is probably high strung...well he actually used that expression....and he said he is probably very bright (he is) and that often 'those kids' have a real problem managing the pressure they put upon themselves. Thus the hitting of himself. He was reluctant to classify it as 'self harming'---we aren't to the cutting phase or anything like that. Just spur of the moment wacking himself in the head or what ever.

My stepsons have been here since Sunday---it is their spring break--and things have gone pretty good....but it has been stressful for me---mostly dealing with ds's over the top reactions to everything. For instance, last night...we had spent the entire day on a nice day trip to a drive through safari. Everyone had a good time. Boys all got along. By the time we got showers and I helped sync Itouches it was after 10 and everyone needed to be in bed. I said, 'come on son, let's get you to bed.' As soon as I said that, 'dh said, 'you too boys. Brush your teeth and I will be right in to say prayers.' So ds and I walk 10 steps to his room and he flounces on the bed and complains sullenly that he 'always has to be the first one to go to bed.' Things like that.

Anyway, we will see how today goes. Dh back to work and I have the boys alone.


Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
So it's not about being attached to you specifically. He's just still learning that we don't get all our preferences. Seeing how his dad was coddled for so long, it makes sense that this is taking a little longer for your son to get that message. But you guys are doing and saying the things to get over the hurdle. Hang in there!

Thank you. Yes to the bolded part. What is strange about ds is that he behaves at times like a spoiled kid--only child--whose mom caters to him. He is of course and only child---but I am not a caterer or a coddler. I guess just the nature of having him when I was 35 and no other children....SAHM....that he was by default the center of his universe.

When I described my son to the counselor I had a flashback to myself being just that way. I told the counselor that...that my son is my personality nearly made over. He asked me how I got past those intense behaviors. I told him that my mom was not a coddler...she was very likely to say, 'get over yourself.' But that current thinking is that saying things like that is somehow damaging to a kid. I think in my case growing up that my mom's ACTIONS showed that we WERE the most important thing to her. She did everything with us, and for us. She didn't date or leave us with sitters to run around with the girls.

So I don't know...I guess me getting remarried is the 'thing' that is different. He is still always with me. Except for our honeymoon, we haven't left ds at anytime. If he isn't with his dad he is with me/us.

Maybe it all just takes a little time.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
SW - It sounds like your session went well. Do you feel better after the session? What are your feelings?

I was also wondering if you're giving your son a 5-minute warning yet before you tell him he has to do something? Seems like he's a little bit oppositional if he isn't forewarned or given choices.

I'm not saying you should have to do that. What a parent says should be enough, but I'm just saying that it might be worth experimenting with. If all he needs is a bit of a warning to make YOUR life easier and him happier, and as long as it doesn't give him an err of entitlement to keep pushing for more, it could be a good tool.


Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by Soolee
SW - It sounds like your session went well. Do you feel better after the session? What are your feelings?

I was also wondering if you're giving your son a 5-minute warning yet before you tell him he has to do something? Seems like he's a little bit oppositional if he isn't forewarned or given choices.

I'm not saying you should have to do that. What a parent says should be enough, but I'm just saying that it might be worth experimenting with. If all he needs is a bit of a warning to make YOUR life easier and him happier, and as long as it doesn't give him an err of entitlement to keep pushing for more, it could be a good tool.

I have almost ALWAYS done this. The warning sets him off.

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Absolutely exhausting week. It was spring break for ds and the local districts. Monday we had company over for tacos. Simple meal, and was suppose to be just a single female friend of ours and one of her two kids. Ended up being her, one daughter, another woman and her 2 kids, and another couple with their young daughter.

Things seemed to go fine, but late in the evening the friend's 13 year old (same one who ds blacked his eye)did a silly thing that blew ds's stack. Have to tell it just so you all can see the things that cause ds to come undone. Friend's 4 year old sister had a doll...and ds put a bag over doll's head...the 13 year old brother brought it into the kitchen where we all were and the mom said, 'don't do that to your sister's doll, you will just aggravate her.' 13 year old says,'SW's ds11 did it!' Well, apparently, he and ds had a conversation in the other room and ds said, 'don't take that in there my mom will get mad at me.' 13 year old friend says, 'oh I won't tell you did it.' So when 13 year old tells us all 60 seconds later that ds HAD done it to the doll...ds just yelled to his friend, 'I hate you!' and stomped off to his room.

Grown ups were all 'huh?' because it was not a big deal at all....but to ds it was because he felt betrayed by his friend.

So second time recently he has told someone he 'hates' them. Then that night at bedtime more of the 'I hate my life, everyone is mean to me, no one likes me,' type of sentiment from ds.

Tuesday night was ok I think. Then Wed for visitation with his dad...bad bad bad again. He spent 1 1/2 hours of his 3 hour visitation in his room in a corner for refusing to apologize to OW and then for telling her to shut up he wasn't talking to her and then refusing to apologize for that. His dad wouldn't let him eat until he apologized. His dad threatened to give all ds's toys to OW's son. Ds told his dad, 'I will apologize because you strike fear in my heart, but I am not really sorry.' To which OW says, (with a smile/smirk) 'Your mom told you to say that didn't she?' To which ds says to her, 'Shut up OW, I'm not talking to you!'

Then XH takes ds to his room with OW calling after him, 'Spank him!'

He took the phone out of ds's room and wouldn't let him call me.

So that night when ds got home it was really bad. I stayed with him until he went to sleep...took about an hour. He was so upset...told me he wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

Then yesterday we had a great day, ended up with friends at McDonalds...but when we got home one of the kids had hurt his feelings and to ds the entire time was ruined.

Ugh. Ds's session with counselor was this morning. I think it went well, but ds is obsessing about every little thing the counselor had him do and every question he asked him.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,234
I think you're probably doing the right thing by having him go to counseling. Does your XH know that you are taking him to these sessions? Wondering how he reacted.

Is your son letting the counselor know how his times with his dad and OW are going?


Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
Page 7 of 14 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 13 14

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5