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One of my problems is that I do NOT have everything for Plan B set up to go and stay completely dark. My surgery was ten days ago and I've been laid up since then (and going to work Friday apparently was pushing myself too hard and I paid for it this weekend, so I haven't gotten anything else accomplished). And for a couple of weeks before my surgery, I was trying to simultaneously prepare for surgery/being immobile afterward and also get ready for Plan B. Everyone here keeps saying be 100% ready for Plan B so you don't break it once you start and I am not 100% ready with the practical details. Emotionally, I feel about 90% ready, which I think is about as ready as I'll ever be. Here's what I have for my Plan B logistics so far, with a few questions I need help working out: No Contact/Intermediaries: 1. He is not to come to the house. 2. He is not to make phone calls, texts, chat messages or emails to me � all contact must go through intermediaries 3. I have friends (a married couple) who will be intermediaries -- I need to give them directions on what to do/how to do it -- He may call, email or text them (include their phone numbers and email addresses in the addendum) 4. He may only contact them regarding children and finances or if he's leaving the skank. I wouldn't try to say what he can and cannot say to them, only what he cannot say to you--which is anything. The IM will decide what information they will ignore and what they will pass on to you. Make sense?5. His mail will be delivered to work by one of our other friends who is also his coworker (haven�t asked this friend yet, but I�m pretty sure he will do it). Also, he needs to start changing his mailing address on things because I will not do this indefinitely. Just put his mail in a really crappy, worn out, dirty box. Include all the junk mail and save it for delivery to him by another person whenever the mood strikes. Or just let it pile up, who cares? I wouldn't worry about whether or not he gets his mail forwarded. Trash whatever you feel like if you don't feel like sorting it. Not your problem if he doesn't get his magazine subscriptions. If he wants to read his mail the day it comes in, he needs to move home.5. What about emergencies? (I realize this is a potential loophole) Through the IM or else he will abuse it. 6. Do I say he can feel free to contact me only re: recovery/reconciliation? Or not? (I know this is another potential loophole, but I�ve seen it done both ways here on MB.) Good question. Would think it would go through the IM as it's subject to a lot of abuse. Others can chime in?Got to run, hope this helps a little?Kids: 1. I will take them to daycare in the morning. I haven�t been able to design a scenario that doesn�t involve him in my house. (I hope this one doesn�t end up killing me; it�s a TON of extra work. But, only 50 days of school left this year.  ) 2. Visitation (and drop off/pick up of kids): -- On days he has visitation, he will pick them up at daycare -- Drop off: possibly with local friends? I haven�t asked them yet and I'm not sure if they will do it. What should I do if I can't find anyone to help with this? -- "Right of First Refusal" (I have to do this as it is from the co-parenting agreement we have from before the attempted reconciliation). So I'm giving him a list of dates and he needs to indicate if he wants the kids on these dates or do I need to arrange a babysitter? If I do not hear from him within (time frame?), I will assume that means he doesn�t want them and I will get a babysitter 2. Other than that, I'm not mentioning a visitation schedule; he can arrange his visitation with the kids � that�s his problem 3. What do I do if he shows up at our son's soccer practice or games? (I won�t give him the full schedule, but he needs to take our older son to Saturday soccer games on his weekends - if he has any weekends, that is.) Miscellaneous: 1. PBL letter is ready. 2. The details above will be listed in the PBL Addendum 3. Change locks on house. My dad will help me with this if I need it. 4. Working on separating our finances. This is a huge mess and I don't know how long it will ultimately take, but I am starting. 5. Don�t push him to get his stuff � that�s his problem. (He has his clothes and essentials already and I am NOT packing the rest for him. He has too much stuff. Worse comes to worst and he can pack his stuff some weekend while my dad watches over him -- he'll hate that) What details am I missing? What else needs to be arranged?
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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5. What about emergencies? (I realize this is a potential loophole) He can call you if it is an emergency. But be prepared to close this door if he abuses it, and most do. 6. Do I say he can feel free to contact me only re: recovery/reconciliation? Or not? (I know this is another potential loophole, but I�ve seen it done both ways here on MB.) Tell him to talk to your IM's and have your IM's contact me if you want. . I also have the name of someone I assume is her father, but I guess could be an uncle? I do have a phone number and address for this man. I am planning on sending a letter to her superiors at work, because like I said, this agency prides itself on flying "below the radar" and I know they are not going to appreciate it when I outline how she violated several policies (including possibly: conduct unbecoming, code of ethics violation, misuse of government resources, misuse of position and the fact that she will be named as a co-respondent in my with-fault divorce petition) and that all of this could possibly draw attention to their agency. But I have not one single name of a friend of hers and only that one relative. Any suggestions here would be helpful, I keep digging and digging and turning up nothing other than what I already have, which is little. Your WS will make FALSE overtures initially. He will propose that YOU make all the changes by relaxing your standards, rather than HIM meeting your conditions. He is testing you to see if you are serious. The IM needs to weed out the false overtures. REconciliation can only be discussed if a) affair is ended, b) he commits to your marriage. Your IM needs to be a broken record. Tell her to expect false overtures and when those come, she shouldn't let them through. 3. What do I do if he shows up at our son's soccer practice or games? (I won�t give him the full schedule, but he needs to take our older son to Saturday soccer games on his weekends - if he has any weekends, that is. Hopefully he won't come. If he does, you will want to leave. You are planning on doing a nuclear exposure after you go dark, right?
Last edited by MelodyLane; 03/27/11 09:05 PM. Reason: removing email address
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks to both of you. This is really helping me iron out the final details.
Regarding our son's soccer games, I doubt he won't come. There's always a chance that he will be too embarrassed to show his face, but one of the only things he has going for him these days is proving to everyone that he's a great dad. And actually, he always has been a great, very involved dad. So, if he shows, do I leave and have him bring our son home after practice/the game? (I can't yank our son from the midst of either of those without all our friends & family thinking I'm throwing a tantrum and trying to use our sons as weapons.) Do I just call my IM and have them call him and tell him where to drop off our son after the game?
Yes, I am planning on RE-exposing. I didn't do this very effectively before and I have some more details to work out about it and questions on that which I will post soon.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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Hopefully you get stronger from the recovery of surgery steadily now. Don't give the letter until you feel you are set. That all your ducks are in a row and ready to go.
Also....I like to note your should have a plan B for your plan B. By that I mean that if your IM can't do it and freaks and pulls out, have an alternative in mind and ready to take over the position.
If he shows up at a soccer game you are not rude but remove yourself from the scene. If he comes to them....ask IM to request that he let them know in advance and that way you can not be there when he arrives and he can make sure the child gets home afterwards.
Fact is, you WILL have more work to do as a parent. You will need to do all tasks when the kids are with you, even ones the H used to do a bit of. The WH is not going to be your babysitter and parenting team mate anymore except when he has visitation. That takes a while to get the hang of.
Last edited by reading; 03/27/11 08:18 PM.
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Thanks to both of you. This is really helping me iron out the final details.
Regarding our son's soccer games, I doubt he won't come. There's always a chance that he will be too embarrassed to show his face, but one of the only things he has going for him these days is proving to everyone that he's a great dad. And actually, he always has been a great, very involved dad. So, if he shows, do I leave and have him bring our son home after practice/the game? (I can't yank our son from the midst of either of those without all our friends & family thinking I'm throwing a tantrum and trying to use our sons as weapons.) Do I just call my IM and have them call him and tell him where to drop off our son after the game? I would just make plans to NOT see him at any soccer games, no matter how you do it. Even if you have to miss the games. That could ruin your Plan B. Yes, I am planning on RE-exposing. I didn't do this very effectively before and I have some more details to work out about it and questions on that which I will post soon. I agree that you should re-expose, but more importantly, you should expose to the OW's facebooks friends and anyone else.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Also....I like to note your should have a plan B for your plan B. By that I mean that if your IM can't do it and freaks and pulls out, have an alternative in mind and ready to take over the position. To reading's point, if your IM freaks out, have her email ME and I can help her. The IM job can be hard or it can be easy. If she is doing it right, it will be the easiest job in the world. It only gets hard when an IM pays heed to fogbabble and allows the WS to manipulate her. And most WS's will try to manipulate the IM!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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From the weekend forum:
Question: if I decide to do a full Plan B, what do I do when we attend the same children's activities? Soccer games, band concerts, plays, etc. are all part of our lives. Do I ignore him completely? Is it okay to smile and wave? Do we sit together or what?
FYI, I have a mediator in mind, but I'm just not emotionally read to Plan B him yet. But I'm getting there.
Edited by stilllovemyman (01/27/08 03:18 PM)
Dr. Harley
Administrator
Reged: 11/16/00
Posts: 1916
Re: Plan B Advice Needed [Re: stilllovemyman]
#3389429 - 01/28/08 06:40 AM
stilllovemyman: Read my answer to "What Now!" by NZJ in the Questions about Infidelity section of the MBW Forum. It probably applies to your situation.
About 95% of affairs die a natural death within 2 years of discovery. And 70% of those 5% that survive to marriage end in divorce. Even the 30% of the 5% (1.5%) are not all happy marriages. So the odds of your husband finding happiness with his present lover is so unlikely that it's safe to say that his affair is the worst mistake of his life. But because you're married to him, it's the worst mistake of your life, too. And you didn't do anything to deserve it.
Your best plan of action right now is plan B. And you will have to make it air-tight to keep you sane. Otherwise, every casual contact, even at your children's events, is likely to take a terrible toll on your mental and physical health.
Some day, your husband may come out of the fog. And he may be ready to win you back to him again. But I would encourage you to avoid hoping for that outcome. In fact, try to avoid thinking of him at all. Start going down a new path that does not include him in any way. There's nothing more that you can do to encourage him to do the right thing. All you're left with now is to try to protect yourself from future suffering. And that means having absolutely nothing to do with your husband, possibly for the rest of your life.
Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would just make plans to NOT see him at any soccer games, no matter how you do it. Even if you have to miss the games. That could ruin your Plan B. I am planning on skipping any of the games he will be taking our son to. My concern is that he will show up for practice (which I will be taking our son to) or the games I take our son to. That's why I want to be prepared as to what to do. These soccer games are huge and (unfortunately) social for the parents. Most of our friend's kids play in the same league and all of Saturday morning is spent at the field. Ugh. I agree that you should re-expose, but more importantly, you should expose to the OW's facebooks friends and anyone else. I've explained this here before, but her FB is TOTALLY private. No friends are shown at all. She lives 2,000 miles away and I do not know anyone who knows her. I have done several background checks on her, but the problem is that she works for a government agency that is very... private. So she almost "doesn't exist." I have the name of her ex-husband, but haven't been able to locate a phone number or current address for him. I also have the name of someone I assume is her father, but I guess could be an uncle? I do have a phone number and address for this man. I am planning on sending a letter to her superiors at work, because like I said, this agency prides itself on flying "below the radar" and I know they are not going to appreciate it when I outline how she violated several policies (including possibly: conduct unbecoming, code of ethics violation, misuse of government resources, misuse of position and the fact that she will be named as a co-respondent in my with-fault divorce petition) and that all of this could possibly draw attention to their agency. But I have not one single name of a friend of hers and only that one relative. Any suggestions here would be helpful, I keep digging and digging and turning up nothing other than what I already have, which is little.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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Also....I like to note your should have a plan B for your plan B. By that I mean that if your IM can't do it and freaks and pulls out, have an alternative in mind and ready to take over the position. To reading's point, if your IM freaks out, have her email ME and I can help her. The IM job can be hard or it can be easy. If she is doing it right, it will be the easiest job in the world. It only gets hard when an IM pays heed to fogbabble and allows the WS to manipulate her. And most WS's will try to manipulate the IM! Thank you! I am writing up instructions for my IM and I am going to include your email address. My IM is a pretty tough, no-nonsense chick. She's known me and WH since college and she sees how foggy he is, so my hope is that she can handle it.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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[. I also have the name of someone I assume is her father, but I guess could be an uncle? I do have a phone number and address for this man. I am planning on sending a letter to her superiors at work, because like I said, this agency prides itself on flying "below the radar" and I know they are not going to appreciate it when I outline how she violated several policies (including possibly: conduct unbecoming, code of ethics violation, misuse of government resources, misuse of position and the fact that she will be named as a co-respondent in my with-fault divorce petition) and that all of this could possibly draw attention to their agency. But I have not one single name of a friend of hers and only that one relative. Any suggestions here would be helpful, I keep digging and digging and turning up nothing other than what I already have, which is little. Sounds like a great plan. Anything else you can find in the meantime would be great!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are these soccer games/practices held at the same time and on the same field all of the time? If not, I would not let WH know the schedule.
How old is the child involved? Do you have a friend, who you can trust, who would be at the game and would be willing to take the child home for you if you had to leave in a hurry? Another parent perhaps?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Do you have a friend, who you can trust, who would be at the game and would be willing to take the child home for you if you had to leave in a hurry? Another parent perhaps? Good idea.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Regarding our son's soccer games, I doubt he won't come. There's always a chance that he will be too embarrassed to show his face, but one of the only things he has going for him these days is proving to everyone that he's a great dad. And actually, he always has been a great, very involved dad. So, if he shows, do I leave and have him bring our son home after practice/the game? (I can't yank our son from the midst of either of those without all our friends & family thinking I'm throwing a tantrum and trying to use our sons as weapons.) Do I just call my IM and have them call him and tell him where to drop off our son after the game? We were in the middle of baseball season when I was in Plan B and this is what was suggested to me by another pro-Plan B'er: to go with family/friends and have them kind of "surround" me so that my H would be unable/unwilling to get through them in order to talk to me. I made sure to sit on the opposite side of the field/bleachers from him and I refused to make eye contact with him or otherwise acknowledge that he was there. I always left the game immediately when it was over and had family/friends bring our son home so that I could escape any sort of contact with him. This is only a good option if you know for certain you won't use this as an excuse to get YOUR fix of your WH, however. I am a real "rules follower" so this wasn't hard for me. It became a game of "how tight can I keep this Plan B?".
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Sorry I disappeared for a while, but I ended up having a complication and he had to come back over and help me again.
Yesterday I started Plan B. Here was my Plan B letter:
Dear WH ~
I�m working hard to be a person I can be happy and proud of being. I want you to know that, even though I also sometimes have doubts and I�m also struggling with all of this, I love you. You are the smartest, funniest, sexiest man I know. If we really try, we can make this work. I believe in you, in me, and in us. I�m willing to put the past behind us and do whatever it takes to make this the marriage we�ve both always wanted. I have confidence that you have the capacity to do the same.
The pain that I suffer on a daily basis is becoming too much to bear. We�ve taken no measurable steps toward recovery or healing; in fact, I feel like when we�re not standing still, we�re moving backwards. I need to be treated with love and respect. When you are ready to offer your openness and honesty to me and willingness to move forward together, I�m ready to talk about what we both think this will take. This means that I need you to be ready to commit to an active plan of recovery for our marriage. This also means that you have to be ready to end any and all communication and connection with her permanently. As long as you are keeping a place for her in your life, there is no room for me. When you end your affair and commit to the recovery of our marriage, please let me know. Until then, we need to keep our distance from each other.
Until we are actively working on a plan of recovery and have determined a way to measure our progress, I will have no contact with you. I hope that you understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you, but to protect myself and preserve my feelings for you.
It�s not too late. We still have a chance to be happy together. I want to grow old with you. I loved you more I think you ever knew while we were together and I continue to love you as I write this. When you find yourself ready to truly and fully commit to me and our family, to work on a plan for our recovery, and to be open, honest and loving with me, I am ready and willing to discuss our future.
Love, Me
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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Ok...and you are prepared to stay in a DARK Plan B, right?
No excuses! Stay dark!
He is probably going to try to contact you soon so what is your plan?
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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And here was my Addendum:
Addendum
No Contact/Intermediaries:
� Please do not come to the house.
� Please make no phone calls and send no texts, messages or emails to me � all contact must go through intermediaries.
� Friend & Friend's husband are our intermediaries:
o You may call, email or text them anything about the kids or finances that needs to be communicated to me.
o Their phone numbers and emails: XXXXXXX
� You may contact me directly only in an emergency.
� Your mail will be delivered to work by one of our friends.
Kids:
� I will take the kids to daycare in the morning. I haven�t been able to design a scenario that doesn�t involve seeing you.
� Visitation drop off/pick up of kids:
o Pick up the kids after daycare on the days you have visitation
o Drop off will be arranged at one of our friends� houses, such as XXX�s or XXX's.
� Right of First Refusal: Do you want the kids on the dates listed on the next page or do I need a babysitter? [Included an attachment of dates]. If I do not hear from you soon, I will assume that means you don�t want them and I will get a babysitter.
� Any plans of yours that are not already on the calendar as of this date need to be cleared with me before they can be considered firm and I will do likewise.
Finances:
� You need to start taking care of the [our rental property that he is evicting the tenant so he can move in] mortgage yourself. Also, the garbage bill and any other bills for that house.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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Long story about giving him the letter yesterday evening. I ended up having to meet him in the Walmart parking lot because he had lied to me about being at his apartment yesterday evening and claimed he was at Walmart (he wasn't), so when he realized I was going to stop by Walmart because I said I had to to give him something (the PBL and actually I was stopping there to prove he wasn't there), he drove over there.
Long story short: About 10 days ago he started obsessively texting with a LOCAL cell phone number (recall that OW lives 2,000 miles away). Every day, HUNDREDS of text messages. I assume he's started seeing someone else here in our town. That stung.
All of this was reinforced by the fact that a couple of minutes after driving away, I got this message clearly meant for his local OW: "I'm going to be a few minutes late, obviously. On my way. All of the sh-t hit the fan."
Followed immediately by: "Sorry, wrong person."
When I drove the kids to Walmart this morning, I drove past his apartment and his vehicle was not in the driveway at 6:20 am, so I assume he spent the night with the new local OW.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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Okay, now that you are in Plan B, you will need to stick to it. Are you prepared to stick to it 100%? He WILL try to break through.
I don't understand the one part in your Addendum, where you mention that you will be taking the children to daycare in the morning. Is this so you won't see him? I am hoping it is.
Can your IM handle this communication well? Do they know how to filter properly for you? I would be willing to help them get started, if they want any help.
Now comes the hardest part of Plan B. Stick to it and I promise it will get better. Don't break your Plan B. Show your WH that you mean it.
The next time that you experience a complication, remember, your WH is NOT somewhere you can turn. You are going to need to think about who else you can turn to. There will be a lot of things that come up. Just remember to stick to plan B.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
When I drove the kids to Walmart this morning, I drove past his apartment and his vehicle was not in the driveway at 6:20 am, so I assume he spent the night with the new local OW I am going to give you a gentle 2x4 for this. NOT ALLOWED IN PLAN B.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
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OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
When I drove the kids to Walmart this morning, I drove past his apartment and his vehicle was not in the driveway at 6:20 am, so I assume he spent the night with the new local OW I am going to give you a gentle 2x4 for this. NOT ALLOWED IN PLAN B. I know, I know. But since this local OW is a totally new development, I wanted to give myself my own 2x4 by not allowing myself to be in denial about what that text meant. I can rationalize anything. I'm done with all that now. I'm even having my best friend change the password on the wireless account so I can't watch his communication at all. Then I'll give her the info to handle paying the bill every month.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42)
Married 18 yrs (together 24)
2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip
Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away)
D-Day: 11/18/10
Confronted: 11/20/10
Kicked him out: 12/15/10
Plan A: 01/08/11
PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11
D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11
Plan B: 04/11/11
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