Thanks, I did not tell him about the school finction. He was mad that he missed it. My sister just said the boys are here and you do not need to pick them up from school and he asked why? I could not stand to be in the same room with him right now or ever. I understand what you are saying, I have been hurting for so long, I just want relief at this point. Some good news would be welcomed for a change. Like I said, I still think about his affair all of the time, I wish I could block it from my thoughts.
I am jealous of all my friends who seem to have a good marriage. I want that so badly! But I guess I should be wishing for me to heal and get stronger. Toughen up a bit!

There are bound to be times when you will not only be jealous of your friends, I found myself being jealous of complete strangers. I would see a couple walking, pushing a baby stroller and I would wish that my WH would be there.

It is NORMAL to have all of these feelings and to go through this grieving process. I can tell you that you WILL feel better as long as you stick to these plans. It is a marathon, not a sprint. And there will be times, when you will feel like you are heading the right way and something will come and hit you like a ton of bricks.

What you need to do is allow yourself to grieve and then.....focus on YOU. What kinds of things can you do to make yourself better? Exercise? Read? Take an online course? What do you want to do? You will need some things to help you think about other things. What are you going to do today? tomorrow?

BTW, there was something that people used to ask me on my thread, so I will ask you, "What colour are your toe nails?"

Funny, I did do some nice things for myself this weekend, went for a facial on Friday and a mani/pedi on Saturday- my toenails are a great color called Chinchilly- purple/grey. You are right, felt good and then Sunday not so great.
Thanks again,I feel like I want it to be a sprint, but I need to get into the marathon mentality. I am following Plan B the best I can. I have known my husband for 23 years- since High school. I have never stopped talking to him. This is a huge change. Should have done this back in November.

I was with my WH for 18 years, and he has had my heart. I understand the pain. I still sometimes, in a rare weak moment, want to call him.

Unfortunately for you, and for me, we can't do that anymore. We are now faced with consequences of an affair that we never had a say in. But do you know what we do have a say in? We have a say in HOW we will let the A effect our lives. We can CHOOSE to make a better life and come out of this better than before. Join me? Plan B not only as effectively as you can, but when you find out a way to improve it, make those changes. You CAN do this. It's a choice that you need to make each and every moment of every day. Once you've made the choices day after day it becomes a habit. You won't need to do it consciously after that. Unfortunately, until then, you are going to need to think about the new choices more often.

You CAN do this. Don't look back at the things you should have done, look to the things you CAN do today and tomorrow. That's where your focus needs to be.

Thank you so much, I am crying, he called to talk to the boys tonight, (not a regular thing) I had my 5 year old call him back (I dial and hand the phone to him) when they give me the phone back I hang up. I know i need to make this a solid plan and keep going with it. As all of us on this forum we want the pain to end. Thanks again, Scotland for you insights, much appreciated.

Had dinner last night with a mutual friend, she told me she thinks I should communicate with my husband about the boys, BTW this friend had cheated on her husband- they are divorcing. She thinks it is not good for the kids, I said I was doing this for me. I got upset. She was basically saying, accept this, and move on. She said I want you to get everything you want out of the divorce ( no one has filed yet) and stay in the house, she thinks by me not talking to him I will not get what I want. I told her I do not care, I will sell the house if I have to. She was basically saying comply with him, No way I did that for 5 months and that did not work. I am not scared anymore. I will move on but I do not have to accept his affair.

I am cutting this friend out of my life.

She is wayward and as you have seen, waywards are good for no one.

I would actually suggest that you let your friend know, in a letter(a Plan B type of letter)why you are ending your friendship. I would let her know that you do not agree with her adultery. That you can not be friends with her while she is a wayward. That you respect yourself, her and your friendship more than being able to sit by and watch her destroy her life, and hurt others. That you would be willing to continue the friendship some time down the road, if she chose a different set of morals to follow.

Before you send a type of letter to this friend, have you told her about this place? Would your cover be blown, so to speak?

She is wayward. Take anything she says with a grain of salt. Her morals are skewed.

I have not told her about MB, she and her husband as well as mine have all been great couples friends until she started her affair. My husband nowlives at her X husbands house when he does not have his kids and at her house when she does not have her kids- My husband and her husband have been friends for 20 years. so... I need to cut her off with the contact she has with my WH. When they were trying to recincile they were a great supprt, now that they are divorcing not so much.

He is using their divorce attourney,(they are not my friends) or atleast he consulted with him, he has no money for the retainer right now. He is still angry dropping the boys at my sisters or when I am not at the house when he drops them off.. keeping that going.. have not seen him for two months now
Again, I do not feel as scared, maybe plan B is working???

I will win this,although I do hope to reconcile.

Even more reason to cut her out of your life. That will be good for your Plan B. It can't be that dark, either way, with you talking to them. See, you know too much about your WH. He knows too much about you. Patch up the hole hunny, you will feel even better.

Today I am upset and anticipating My WH not to pay for full daycare, which has been our agreement util he threaten to pay only half less than a month ago, he also need to pay half of the money we owe in taxes. I was told by mt attorney that he will need to keep paying what he is currently paying for until we have a settlement agreement, this is called status quo.

I know if he does not pay I will have to file a motion with my attorney to get him to continue. I am nervous because I feel like this will begin our divorce process. I know he has consulted with an attorney and the OW is pressuring him to file. Not sure if I am ready yet, emotionally or financially, but I know I need to stand up for myself.

I need to wait until tomorrow to see what he puts in my account. Since I am in Plan B, I feel like he will not pay for what he is suppose to as a plan for me to talk to him. I will not, let the attorneys talk. But with that said are you ever emotionally ready? I know I am not the cause, but I do not wantto begin the process. I am confused today and sad.

Hi Mason - our stories are almost identical. Literally the only difference is I have two more kids and my STBXWH is deployed. I would like to talk privately with you becuase you and I are at the exact same stage of this nightmare.

You can read my story in the miltary sight.

Let me know if you would like to have one on one discussion.

Hang in There!!!

Thanks, I will catch up on your story and we can talk one on
one. I will send you a message when I am caught up wih your story. Just having a rough day, comes and goes as expected.

He only paid for 1/2 of daycare as expected. He has some crazy idea that he can stop paying for something. Left a message with my attorney. I am so angry, why after everything he has put me through he decides to change the way we pay our bills. I feel like he is trying to get back at me, but I know i can not take it personally. HELP!!! Can someone make me understand why???
I do not want a divorce and this feels like a knife in the coffin.

Here is the latest. For Easter, he dropped the boys basket on the porch, was suprised he did not ask to see them for a few hours. The weekend prior, he only took them to dinner on Sunday, he was suppose to take them over night. He claimed he had no where to take them.

He sent my IM and angry text telling her that he is going to talk to me this week if I like it or not. He said I need to start communicating about the boys, that he needs to know what is going on with them. When he call I let him speak to them, I just do not get on the phone. I never said he could not be involved, not through me any longer, giving him the daily updates when he is with his girlfriend. I had my OM, text back and say, If you want to preserve our marrige then I will speak to you, if not I think you have said eneough.

Have any appt. with my attny next Tuesday to get a motion so he has to keep paying me. (hope I win). I was so overwhelmed and scared after getting off the phone with my attny, she said I need to get a jump on this or she can not fight status quo, she said she thinks my husband was advised to stop paying the full amount to establish a new status quo. I am not ready to file, but I may have to. It may be more expensive to do the motion. i can not let fear get in the way, but I am ready to file! I still want my husband back. Not sure why anymore after has has been so mean and angry at me. Plan B is tough, I never thought it would drive this much anger out of him.

Just think of him as a 2 year old throwing a big ol temper tantrum because he isn't getting thing HIS way. That should make you understand this anger of his a bit more.

Your IM should not have told you about the angry text. What should have happened was a response from her such as, "Any communication about the children or finances should be past through me." Then she shouldn't have let you know that he even sent anything. She is a FILTER. She is supposed to be acting as a SHIELD for you. She needs to protect you.

Plan B can be hard, but once you are fully in it, it becomes a lot easier. A good IM is the KEY to a successful Plan B. And a successful Plan B doesn't necessarily mean a recovered marriage, just a recovered YOU. Get dark as night. These pins holes will drain away the remaining live you have left and you won't want him back, ever.

I know, I think she wanted to see if I wanetd to speak to him. I was second guessing plan B with the boys and not sharing with him how they are doing. But, he needs to do that on his own. He is mad that I am not fulfilling that need for him to connect him to his kids. He thought we would be co-parenting together. So the longer I go without speaking with him, the more threatening and angry he becomes.
Overall, I do feel better, less stressed with him out of my life. I am trying to preserve any love left, but I do not like the person he has become.
I do want a recovery, but I can not let him walk all over me. I feel like me speaking with him is condoning his beahvior and what he had put us through. I keep reminding myself I have done nithing wrong. This is the consequence of his choices. I will not be his friend or parenting partner.

So have you spoken to your IM and explained what she should do next time? Does she understand that she shouldn't let him intimidate her? She is an important part of your Plan B.

SO, how do the exchanges of the children take place? Is there any contact with your WH at all?

I just want to help you get into the darkest Plan B possible and then we can get you focused on healing yourself and making you stronger. I believe that part of Plan B leading to marital recovery, if that is the case, is so the BS will be strong enough to stand up for themselves against their WS. This way, they will KNOW that they CAN live without the WS and they will take a different approach to recovery. If you don't get marital recovery, you will still KNOW that you CAN make it without your WH.

mason, listen to Scotty. She's been where you are.

Get a temp order and a separation agreement. You can even get one on an emergency basis if he is refusing to pay you. That shows NEED AND URGENCY. Your lawyer can do this.

If he/she (lawyer) refuses to jump on this, and is anything less than a mean pit bull dog lawyer to your wh, then fire her.

YOU should be able to easily secure what is needed for your family to survive, esp since your wh has abandoned the family for a ho bag.

YOU also have the attny subpoena the ow and have her take the stand in the hearing. You want the judge and court to establish why the man has abandoned his family willingly. He did so b/c he did something else which establishes quickly fault in a divorce...adultery.

Jump on that. You can always reconcile and stop the temporary agreement. It's not a divorce, but it definitely puts some stress, HUGE stress on the affair.

He's paying for his affair now and since he willfully abandoned his family (what your attny says), he is paying for the gold digging ow now.

Also, since he willfully abandoned the marriage and family, I'd establish (also since he does not see the kids and doesn't try to see them regularly)that you need sole custody b/c of that fact, and because wh is living in an immoral and unstable environment. No proper family home, and is shacking up in sin with an other woman, an adulterous affair. Judges don't like that being exposed to kids.