Which one? Where do we start? There are so many. In this one, Dr Harley tells this man he is an "enabler" for helping hide his wife's affair. The WW's affair evolved and she was divorcing this BH because he basically picked his butt for a year and did nothing to save his marriage: radio clip here


NO. Go to the OM's facebook page, copy and paste his friends and family into a word doc. Send them a letter telling them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade loserboy to end his affair. This will RUIN your wife's future with the OM.

Before you do that, copy and paste your wife's friends and family into a WORD doc and expose to them afterwards. Personally call her parents and close friends and sibs. Tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end the affair.

When you are done with that, I would pay the OM a visit and let him know hell is coming his way unless he leaves your wife alone. Paint a very ugly picture where he is dragged into court to give testimony about his affair under oath. Most OM are pansies, so he will likely run at the first sign of trouble.


Plan B is a separation. You are not in Plan B, you are in Plan "C" which stands for compromise and is the most likely to lead to divorce. When you say she is "free to gather her thoughts" what the hell does that mean?

Does that mean she runs around like an alley cat in heat from the comfort and safety of her family home? What "thought" does she gather doing that?

Facebook sample letter:


Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW

Well I put it on facebook...told the kids. She is really mad

I would finish up your exposures NOW so it has a tsunami effect on her. Start calling her family members and ask them to intervene with her. What about her parents, family, friends, etc? Very few people will read it on facebook and she can just delete it if she hasn't already. What we intended when we recommended a facebook exposure was sending private messages to the OM's and your WW's friends and family. Posting it on her wall will reach a very minimal audience.

What did you post?

That is great! But it will be important to expose it to everyone and not stop now. Doing just a little exposure will be enough to piss her off and not enough to inflict a serious blow to the affair.

What are OMs and WWs?

WW = wayward wife

OM = other man

It IS important to do a complete and full nuclear exposure right now.

Imagine this if you will. Exposing an affair to everybody important to your WW and OM is like when people go to the zoo and stand in the primate area, and watch thru the open glass walls what the heck the gorillas are doing in there. It's all open for everybody to see! Although what the noble animal, the gorilla, is doing is moral.

The affair thrives on the great thrill achieved when they have their clandestine meetings. Fantasies are spun to each other, and history is re-written by the cheating spouse to justify what they're doing.

Exposing the affair far and wide to everybody around them (INCLUDING BOSSES and MANAGEMENT if it is a work affair) is important too.

You have to have a bit of shock and awe and you need to end all the exposure tonight. Have it done. Make it the goal that both of them have heat on them, and are spending energies stomping out fires left and right.

Seriously, this om is not wanting to raise four kids is he? No job? Um, your WW needs to be told in not such sweet terms that she is most likely being USED UP FOR SEX by the om. That she's nothing but a secret side piece. Men like that do not marry women, and how could he support her or kids? Easy, he isn't even wanting that. His only hope would be that she got everything in a divorce, so that his lousy, deadbeat head would finally have a place to sleep in since he's on parole, if she divorces you.

I would also find out what the om was jailed for, and then place a restraining order on him on behalf of yourself and the kids, so that this CRIMINAL would not be able to be around your kids. If your ww wants to go cheat with him, and leave with him, she leaves the kids and leaves the family home and door slams behind her.

You have to take a firm stand with her now! It has already happened once, and nothing changed the dynamics of your relationship after, except you made things easy for her, possibly showing her you'd be ok if she did it again, because there weren't HARD and DIFFICULT consequences for her to face as a result of her actions.

She also needs to be told blatantly and to the point, that HER CHEATING is what is wrong, and that you deserve to know the truth in your marriage, and if you had to snoop to get it, then it is all good. After all, SHE IS DOING WRONG, not you. Do not let her spin and blame onto you ok? That's one of the oldest plays in the cheating playbook.

She doesn't want to leave for him....she just can't break contact with him. We were both on Leave from work and she was trying to abide by my rules (no contact), but she was trying to be sneaky and kept getting caught.

I had her locked down and she didnt leave today till I told her to go and blow off steam. Maybe that was a bad idea because she went to him. Still hasnt come back.

Many people don't agree with the telling of the kids, but I did anyway.

I see her GPS says she is still over there and she is just mad at me now.

I told her I am not trying to hurt her, I am just trying to end the affair.

My mom says this is just shaming her and is not a Christian thing to do.....

Exposure is the Christian thing to do. There is nothing "Christian" about enabling evil. Your wife should feel ashamed for committing adultery. If you were exposing that she won a Pulitzer Prize would she feel ashamed? Of course not. She is ashamed because of her actions, as she should be. That is not your fault that she is ashamed, but a direct result of her shameful behavior.

Show your mother this: Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. Ephesians 5:11

I would let things calm down a bit tonight and then tomorrow finish your exposures, most especially to the OM's family and friends. When you get finished I would pay this scumbum a visit and let him know you will fight for your marriage.

You are doing great, blaze! Just don't let up. You must keep up the pressure until the OM is driven away. Your wife will appreciate and love you for standing up for your marriage and fighting for her.

Oh dear.

God hates affairs and hates that they destroy marriages and families so why is your busting this affair up NOT a Christian thing to do? Riddle me that.

Of course she doesn't want to leave for him, she has it GOOD. She's got one guy busting his butt for her at home (you), providing for her and all the children financially with food and a nice roof over your heads and spending money.

But she gets her rocks off with her sleazy om, and she sees him when she gets an urge. Definitely NOT the Christian thing, she's doing with him. Her lying is also NOT a Christian thing to do.

You basically told her earlier to GO TO THE OM. I am wondering ???

Where is the concept of accountability or cause and effect? A cheating spouse does NOT GET REWARDED for their cheating, yet that is what you're doing by letting her continue this.

Tell your mom that YOUR WIFE IS SHAMING HERSELF and embarassing herself by behaving as a cheap tramp. There's nothing wrong about telling the truth as it is. She is having an affair with a criminal, and exposing YOU to goodness knows what kind of std that convict might carry, and certainly cannot be a sane or good mother doing such risky behaviors.

The Christian thing to do is to help her since she can't help her self, no make that WON'T help herself and stop. She needs to have a reason why to end this affair. And it shouldn't be because she gets more toys from you than from the boyfriend.

It should be because she realizes she could possibly lose her husband, her children, her home, her stability, and everything, if she chooses to continue down this path of adultery and emotional abuse (she's emotionally abusing you, dude).

Plan A calls for luring your wife back and making her feel those missing emotional needs, but there is also A STICK of plan A, and that is EXPOSURE. And consequences of her actions.

Whenever your ww says she's mad at you for exposing, tell her that you know she should rather be mad at herself for her actions because she's the one conducting a destructive affair, and that you're just trying to save your marriage. Then offer her a piece of chocolate cake.

"Blaze I am so angry at you! Why the heck did you email all my friends and my boyfriends' family to tell them about all of this? Why did you email my parents? I am not coming home. I am going to leave and you won't see me for days!"

"Well sweetie, it's ok to be mad, but maybe be mad at YOURSELF instead, because you are having an adulterous affair with a criminal, and that could destroy our family. I love you, won't allow you to leave and to see the other man, and am fighting for our marriage. If you leave the door will be locked. So maybe it's best you not leave and sit down and have some chcolate cake with me!"

She needs to hear it over and over and over that 1)she brought it on herself and 2)you're not going to tolerate that kind of disrespect and blatant cheating anymore and 3)that you are standing up for your marriage. Be a broken record.

But if she leaves again like that, what is the consequence to her blatantly disrespecting you and the marriage like that? Or does she waltz back into the home whenever she feels like it?

Most people don't understand the psychological damage that comes from lying to children. Dr Harley is a clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders and here is what he says:


here



here

here

I agree 100% in telling the children. The Bible says "lies begat lies" and it is true.

Covering something up as big as adultery does no good to anybody. Kids also feel and sense something is wrong and amiss with life at home, that is why the truth is good. If not the children wonder why they feel nervous, or why they feel the palpable instability inside a home wrecked by infidelity. I also support Dr. Harley's stance on telling them 100 percent!

My ds knows of his fathers' affairs, and how his father ended up getting a divorce from me (I filed). He knew from day one, that the ow was the interloper, that she and his daddy broke up our family by choice. It is cause and effect. Learning right vs. wrong.

And I know my young man will grow into becoming a GREAT MAN because of his strong sense of values instilled into him.

My son at his age, isn't easily swayed by the lies of his wayward dad. Not anymore. He got a letter a few months ago from his dad, blaming of course everybody else, and his former business partner, to causing stress in his life, thus causing his marriage to the other woman to now end.

My son didn't buy it. He told me after reading his dads' letter, that "Wow. I had hoped dad would have learned his lesson by now that you should be good to your husband or wife. Lying is wrong and so is cheating."

Such true and innocent words from the lips of my son. Not prompted. Just spoken honestly, off the cuff, spur of the moment after reading a five page letter sent from his dad, whom he refuses to see for over a year.

Her dad talked to her after she called and he basically wont talk to him about it.

Her sister said she will talk to her also

I did all the facebook people I could or thought would be helpful and the rest were blocked by privacy settings. I deleted the wall posts to try to be more discreet.

She did go home and didn't stay the night. It's not a work affair but she has a supervisor I am unsure if I should contact or not. I will contact another work friend when I get the chance tomorrow.

I don't really know if this is going to help or work.

AND IF I didnt explain she knows the marriage builders materials because we shared it together when rebuildeing after the last affair.

We let slip our marriage building as we had 4 kids during the past 4 years, twins and special needs kid. She is under a ton of stress too. THe affair was more about her and her issues and the stress then about our marriage. I keep telling her once he is out of the picture only then can things start getting better. I am hammering home that....NO CONTACT!

How in the world has she found time for an A with 4 kids in 4 years, twins and a special needs kid?! Who watches the kids and when does she have a moment to even contemplate her naval?

Well with calls and texts for the first 3 weeks, and then 2 weeks of getting of her work shift at the hospital early and then going over there till she would normally come home at 6am

So I am in plan A still then?

WHen do I go to plan B? Do I need legal advice first

Plan A and raise as much hell as possible in the affair. About the facebook wall messsage, the issue wasn't being discreet, but that it doesn't work. Not enough people will see it. Sending private messages ensures people see your message. Now is not the time to be discreet.

She can say that, but she would be wrong. It is wrong to hide sin. Many Christian churches have rules in place that cause their members to stand before their congregation to publicly confess sin.