No update from my IM yet. WH sent that email to her yesterday at lunch time. She told me about it last night around 7 p.m. and then later yesterday evening I sent her the further instructions we talked about here. This morning I sent her a text asking if she had a chance to read my email and respond to him yet and she said not yet, that she was out of the office today and would do it later.

Hyacinth ~ as predicted he is going to try to contact you. They are soooo predictable.

IF he somehow gets through to you (sends you a direct email, my H did that because my IM wouldn't send it through, LOL), don't open and fwd it right back to your IM. Have your IM respond and let him know you did not open it.

IF he agrees to recovery let your IM figure out how sincere he is. There should be NO NEGOTIATIONS on your recovery requirements. They are what they are, don't reneg on those.

Buckle up for you to crash. Adrenaline got me through the first few days and then I crashed big time. Come here and post for support but DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Indeed, count on your own emotions being intense and depressed in withdrawal from your spouse/teammate and know it is normal. It is awful and you will get through it faster if YOU don't contact him.

That's my worry, that since he hasn't heard from my IM yet, he's going to get impatient and angry and try to contact me directly. Especially since he erroneously thinks that all she's going to do is forward emails to me. He said so in his email yesterday (which was actually an attachment and was addressed directly to me). He said: "I understand that you don�t want to talk to me; that�s fine. But I�m not sure what the benefit of sending an e-mail to [friend] so she can send it to you is. An email that comes from me to [friend] to you has the same content as one that comes directly from me to you." He doesn't understand that it's NOT going to have the same content, that she's NOT going to just forward his emails to me, that's she's going to edit out all the crap and just give me the info I need. I'm worried that if he thinks I already got his email (technically, I did) and that I'm making the conscious decision of not responding to him, he'll get mad and do... something. I'm not even sure what I'm worried about. That he'll be more of a jerk? (Is that really possible?) That he'll make my life more difficult? (Again, not sure if that's even possible.) I guess I need to just relax and let this unfold as it will.

Should I be worried that ever since she agreed to help me with this, she's given it kind of a low priority? In terms of timeliness, that is. For example, when I emailed her the IM instructions last week before I went into Plan B and asked if she had any questions, it took her days to get back to me. I guess I'm just the kind of person that when things need done, I want to get them done.

I would call her up and ask her if she can reply to him now. Explain to her that you are concerned that waiting is going to aggravate the issue and add a whole new set of problems. Is she in a position where she can quickly respond on a routine basis? Ask her this and suggest that if she is not this might not be a good role for her because it is important to have quick turn arounds.

This might be a disaster if you have to find a new IM. Hopefully you can convey the imporance of urgency to her.

Be brainstorming for a potential list of new IMs just in case it turns out you need another in the future. Don't switch now but be prepared so it doesn't catch you off guard if needed.

She can't respond to him now, I already asked her that. However, I didn't stress my concerns (mostly because she can't do anything about it). I will ask her to call me on her way home from work and talk with her about it. That really is my concern. I know this shocked him and he's probably having a bit of a freak out over it, so I'm worried that further delay is going to escalate things.

I already started thinking of other potential IMs. It's a short list, however. I really thought she was the best choice, but I didn't think she's be so casual about things.

Don't give up on her just yet. She may be looking at this at arm's length because she really doesn't understand the role she'll be playing. Scotty's and Mel's clarification may be what she needs to see in order to understand how Plan B works.

OMG. You were all so correct.

I JUST got an email from him. I didn't open it. I will forward it to her and ask her to deal with it, but I'm a little irritated that it came to this. (A couple of the topics in his first email dealt with child visitation this coming weekend, so I'm guessing that might be what he wants an immediate response about.)

And of course, I'm all shaken up now just seeing that email from him in my inbox.

Right, this is expected.

Can you call your IM right now and see if this is something she's going to be able to handle? It really does need to be someone who can take care of this with a fairly quick turnaround.

If you can't get a hold of her or she says she can't do it any quicker, then start making phone calls to others on your list.

Crap. There doesn't seem to be a way to forward an email without opening it first. Should I try to forward it without looking or should I just delete it and tell my IM to tell him that I deleted it without reading and he should direct all communication to her?

I texted my IM and she said today was just a bad day because she's not usually away from work. She said she's on her way back in to work and will respond to him as soon as she gets back. I asked her to call me after work so we can talk about how to handle things.

Delete that. There is nothing of burning importance in it. Tell your IM to reiterate to him that you will open no mail from him.

I would block his email address while you're at it. You don't need to deal with that emotion whenever you see an email from him.

You can usually set up an email filter or rule that takes mail from certain senders and automatically forwards them to a designated address. There's then, I imagine, an option on whether to keep the email or send it straight to the trash. Best to just have them automatically deleted, lest you be tempted to read them.

I would delete it and block his addy.
It is very very very tough to do but the best way to go.

Yes, I can set up a filter to automatically forward his emails to her and delete them from my account. I forgot about that. Good idea. I wish I would have thought of that before this.

Well, on second thought, then he'd know that his emails were somehow getting forwarded to the IM. He wouldn't be following the rules to not contact you at all.

Have them automatically deleted or blocked. Eventually, he may catch on that his emails aren't getting through and decide to email directly to IM like he's supposed to.

I have to agree with Northwood. Just deleting them will get the message across soon enough. I expect him to resist communicating with your IM at first and that is ok. Once he sees you are serious, he will either get on board or you won't get his messages.

Some even go so far as to try to get their attorneys to FORCE contact. It is absolutely amazing how a WS who wanted no contact previously suddenly will go to extremes to get it!

I agree. I'm not going to reinforce him emailing me. I deleted it and told my IM to tell him that I deleted it without reading it and to remind him that all communication should go through her.

She sent him the email with the list of questions she would be sending me and I sent her answers to the questions to send to him. Then he either emailed or texted her one more question (about seeing the kids tonight, since Wednesdays used to be his dinner visit days) and she texted me for an answer. So it seems he's getting with the program.