But how would he have gotten her number?

Really sorry this set-back occurred, NW.

FIRST - Do NOTHING to make the situation worse (and coming from me, who NEVER found a situation he couldn't worsen, this is obviously vitally important.) If you feel you're about to lose control, bail! Trust me, handcuffs are unpleasant.

SECOND - You nailed her little disloyalty/conspiracy dead-solid immediately. Score one for NW. Her psyche is going to be a mess (I know yours is too, but I'm addressing the adult in this pas-de-deux!) LISTEN, twice (thrice?) as much as you speak when you and she get together. NOTHING you're going to want to say will be outside of what she knows you're going to come at her with.

THIRD - Break contact with her after a time. Go for a drive, catch a movie, do not stay with her. She needs time to think about what she's done, and you want her to imagine all the worst.

FOURTH - Review the "or elses" that were established in your initial discussions at recovery. Your call on this one, NW - if there were a clause stating "any breach of NC will result in....." you must seriously consider enforcing it. I would, but not everyone can.

This truly sucks. I wish you strength, bro.

Thanks, Andy for sticking aroudn through this--I know you've got your own problems to deal with!

Trying to get my mind together, cannot go off without a plan, my kids cannot see me lose my [censored].

Keep on track, an option for you is to have her bags packed ready and she goes to her dad or your MIL. You let them know she stays there untill she evidences the extraordinary precautions. She fights for your love , if after a few days and you see no evidence of this Plan B her.

In the interim stay in controll , do not discuss the future and answer non of her questions . Actions in a cotrolled measured way, say little other than she has broken your trust again.

It is very important to rattle the OM cage , Facebook, friends and family anything , make this very uncomfortable for him.

ML-

Yes, am going to re-expose this to his parents and suspected sister.

The phone is going to go away today.

Yes, this is up to her now. She can either quit this [censored] [censored] or file for a [censored] divorce. I'll be damned if I'm going to let her half-[censored] this [censored] like she's half-assed things before.

I'm getting pissed, gotta calm down.

I answered-- she just said they had gotten home ok. You could just smell the elephant in the room over the phone. I just said, glad y'all made it back and hung up.

Send her to her father , parental pressure in this case may help and it gives you time to breathe.

She must have given it to him. It'd take me a while to piece it together from the cell phone records, but it really threw me since she put the fake name for his phone number. It's like labeling your affair partner's number under your brother's name. You just wouldn't think to look.

Thanks, NG. I'm wanting there to be consequences this time. Otherwise I'll look like a damned doormat.

If I didn't have kids, I'd have divorced her by now.

My H did that with OWs name, she was secondary number under a friend's name.

OK, the reason that I am asking is I am confused how they reconnected if they had both changed numbers. Did they have each other's home numbers? However they did it, that loophole will need to be closed because you guys can't afford to go through this again.

I think you are doing great, just stay calm and give yourself some time to think all your options thru. Hang in there.

NW, I am saddened and ticked to see this happen. (I have not followed your thread, just wanted to throw some more support your way.)

You're getting excellent advice, and, like Susie said, you're going great.

Ugh. This one hits home for me, and I hope other betrayeds on here are making a mental note of this. My H had his AP's number listed under a made-up business name, because he makes a lot of business calls and figured I'd never suspect it if I saw it in his contacts.

She is on the back foot , you however have the outline of a plan. She tells you all, agrees to go to her parents , submits to a polygraph and has the opportunity to put into place practices to protect your marriage. You listen, stay focused firm up your thoughts , enact your plan and do not waver.

Vent here. If we see a post of yours, and all it says is "I'm ready to [censored] and then [censored] [censored] the [censored] I'm going to [censored] his [censored] until he [censored] [censored]" we'll know you're just getting it out of your system.

Just trying to help you with a little levity, North.

I meant he changed his cell number probably because he knew that I had it. To hide himself better.

I'm not sure how she figured out his new number, she must have called him at work or something and he gave it to her then. Or that's how he got her new number. Who knows.

And assume by have another means of contact, she offers the phone and information verified by a polygraph you schedule for next week, if it gets this far.

Yeah, I guess it makes it hard to read when my post is redacted--but you're smart, you'll read between the lines

Ask her. The hope being that she's going to be ready to throw herself under the bus to save herself. Maybe she'll 'fess up everything.

Good idea. Tell her to start at the beginning & tell you everything and maybe it will be a good test of her sincerity by seeing how much detail she provides...