NW- Download the Mobi calls log in it's entirety in CSV format.

Open that with Microsoft Excel

Sort by phone number.

You'll have a complete history of that number, from start to finish.

Do the same for the text messages!

Hope this helps!

Thanks for that, didn't know you could do that! It's hard to sort otherwise.

She called for confession.

1. Said she had been keeping OM in her mind as Plan B (no, the irony of her using that term wasn't lost on me) and asked the MC on Monday if her doing that was causing her to be where she is today.

2. She said she knows that keeping him as backup is what is causing the problems. She said she was really working on this the last two weeks--and the cell log bears out NC--and he texted her this morning saying "Thinking of you."

3. She said she saw that text under friend's name, and contacted him (neither text nor call log supports this so she must have used the house phone) to tell him that it was over, she couldn't do this anymore.

4. Last text from him was "Never mind, I get it, I understand."

5. She calls co-worker Friend #3 who apparently knew about all this crap and was a staunch supporter of wife getting her crap together. Friend #3 tells WW that I called OM.

6. I ask how OM got WW's new cell number. She said Friend #1 (whose name is the alias for OM) gave it to him. So, Friend #1 is no friend to the marriage, then? No, she said.

7. I read her a transcript of the message he left for me.

8. She apologized again for screwing this up, said she really did want to rebuild this marriage and had been doing so good for two weeks (she had been because there was NC) and now she goes and [censored] it up again by contacting him. She says she sees the correlation between her happiness with our marriage and her contacting OM.

9. She wanted to know if I wanted her to get a babysitter so we could talk tonight. I said that was fine, and that I'm chewing over what to do about this.

Generally, I didn't say much, just asked my questions without really any emotion--I don't have any right now.

I really don't want to kick her to her parents, but don't want to be a doormat eithr. I'm not really an emotional wreck or anything, just kind of here and I'll deal with it. I think that's good.

You can sort by any column... And then scroll down to the phone number, or you can also do a "search" for the number, and that will filter everything else out.


Excel is very powerful!

Again, this is entirely your call. Only you know how much you can take. If you think you can deal with her being there this evening to discuss everything, do that.

Can you take your kids to their grandparents for the weekend?

At a minimum have her write a letter of apology to the good friend, her parents and the OM's wife plus another NC letter and a very explicit letter to friend who gave out her number, a letter that says she will never have contact with her again. I still think a polygraph is the order of the day , there are to many assumptions that your wife is telling the whole truth, remember WS's lie, she throws the OM under the bus, hook line and sinker then let his wife deal with him.

Unfortunately, this is the one weekend where the grandparents aren't available.---I already pondered that, among the other things bouncing around in my little brain

Thanks, Xau, for the suggestions. Kind of need to hear other ideas that I'm not seeing. What a day.

Yes - those are good ones. You want to set this bar high, North.

Can you skip the MC and counsel here with Steve?

NW - As you know, I'm NOT a vet here. However, I think you should consider sending WW to her parents for the weekend (so long as there's adult supervision). You both need time to think. You need to see if you want to try again, and what conditions need to be placed on that. She needs to be by herself and stew on her deceit and lies. If you can get the phone away from her, even better. In fact, that might be a nice goodwill gesture from her end. Then, schedule the sitter for Sunday night, not tonight. I would not have the discussion tonight, because I would be too hot under the collar.

This should be done tonight, do not give her time to think or plan her way out of it. You hear her confession again then state what must be done, the letters will take less than an hour to write, her knowing a polygraph is mandary for you to verify the truth gives her a certain amount of time to give you the absolute truth. If she negotiates nod , say "I hear you, I will help you pack your bags" , it is all or nothing and the action is you help her pack her bags, do not blink if she has to leave the house. This is THE moment to kill this affair , use it.

Sitter fell through for tonight.

With the sitter falling though it is even better , the pressure on her is going to be enormous all you must do is listen, be calm, coldy calm, state your requirements, repeat them often , follow through with the actions. She writes, you vet the words and reject them if they are not firm and to put it bluntly the note to the OM and soon to be ex friend must be brutal, a direct set of words, writing this alone should hammer the message into your WS's head.

NW, I know this is painful, but you are on the right track. I would not send her to her parents. Expose the affair to the OM's family and just do what I suggested above. ]

I would also insist that she lose that loser scum "friend" who exchanged #'s with the OM. She is no "friend" to your wife, she is an enabler.

The OMW needs to know the content of the texts he sent to your wife.

AND...I would give the OMW your wife's cell phone #. She won't be able to resist giving her a call. Your W needs to hear from the OMW.

NW- As far as the cell phone goes... I'd ask her to give it to you right away, first words out of your mouth should be "Can I see your cell phone?" and when she (hopefully) gives it to you, tell her she can have it back (insert timeline answer here)...

Problem with taking away the phone, is she can go get another right away. And then you'll be "out of the loop" so to say with MS gone.... Double edge sword...

Unfortunately, I don't see much hope on the horizon for you and her... She's been deceiving you for a long time and old habits (especially in older people) are very hard to break.

I feel for you brother! I know your pain. I know your frustration and I also know you've just lost a lot of ground that you THOUGHT you had made...

Not to mention the pain of getting some SF from her not too long ago... That hurts.

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened NW.

OM's wife just called me back. They aren't divorced, but have been separated for two years. We talked a lot and she wants to meet me and my wife to get a good understanding of what was said about her, etc.

She said she was scared to ask me to meet, but am glad she did. She wasn't pissed or anything, I think she just is trying to make sense of all this.

My wife is the second person he had an affair with. After his first affair, she separated from him. She said she never called that OW's husband--I told her I completely understood and recommended she do that.

Going to call my wife and try to schedule a meeting between the three of us today. OM's W really wants this and so do I. I think my W seeing OM's W will put a big [censored] nail in all this.

Agree?

Yes. A healthy dose of reality and a face to make the omw much more personal.

She is another woman with another life who has had hers destroyed by a SERIAL CHEATER.

Now what I'd do is this, to PREVENT your ww from having any plan or refusing to meet her.

Tell ww that you'll want to talk over dinner. Get a friend or somebody to watch kids. Somebody. Anyhow, tell omw where you're going to meet her and have her stay in the bathroom at the restaurant. When you go to the restaurant with ww, have a quiet table or booth picked out. Make a call call to the omw and have her walk out of the bathroom and suddenly pop in and sit down at the table directly across from ww.

She HAS to see what is going on. WW has to feel the force of reality crashing into her deceit.

I am sorry NW you are going thru this, but this is ww's last chance before plan B and her bags on front porch. One more waiver, she's out.

Too late, just got off the phone telling her we're meeting OM's wife. She's stunned, obviously doesn't want to do it, and has the nerve to ask if she has any say in this.

No, we're meeting her, but I'll listen if you have any questions about it.

She asked if she could call me back, I said that's fine, give yourself a few minutes and then call me back.

What I didn't say was....and if you don't call me back, pack your bags.

GO FOR IT!!