Or, do as we love to do! Take ww to Savannah!

Hard NOT to be romantic in that wonderful city!

Been a while since we went to Savannah, really liked the waterfront area below the bluff and the old houses near the city parks.

We've seen some good deals on cruises to the Bahamas/Jamaica area that leave out of N.O. or Mobile--saves airfare since we can just drive down there. So far, that's the plan--probably May or June once our oldest is out of school for the summer. In July, we're going with my parents to Florida for a week. Kids are going too, so that's definitely a "family" vacation, but will be a nice break regardless.

I've never thought about St. Lucia, but I'd say just about anywhere would be a welcome change!

I'd love to try St. John in the US Virgin Islands. Weeklong "villa" rentals are actually less than a Gulf-front beach house in Alabama or Florida. Their peak seasons are opposite as well, our summer is their off season, our winter is their peak ($$) season. Of course, you have to actually *get* to St Joe, and then rent a Jeep to get around the island, but it looks like a real neat place to visit. I'd probably never want to come back home, though.

Hey Northwood
Just saw a notice in unanswered posts so I jumped in. But glad to find your thread.

I don't have the talent many have to multi task a lot of posters, and I havn't read your thread through yet either, but its on mt watched threads list now.

Currently taking her away on a get-away sounds awesome!

Hey CP, thanks for the hello. I, too, have a bit of trouble remembering who is who, but have a few that I follow and see you've been helping out Andy a good bit. Wish we could reach through the screen and knock his wife out of whatever reality she thinks she is living in!

We had a good day today and are looking forward to the getaway...once we get enough pieces of paper with dead presidents on them

Take care, CP, hope you have a good week.

NW and CP - now you're talking about my WW on this thread too. LOL. I wish you guys could do that too, but there's really only one person in the universe that could do that - her DS.

NW - I'm happy for you and hope you guys have a great getaway.

Thanks, Andy. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Hopefully I'll get something done at work on Monday. Friday was, well, not the most productive.

NW - I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

NW - thinking of you.

Hey, btw - do you have EP in place? Got the cell phone away? All passwords? etc.

What about compensation.

And also, (because I do think you are a very insightful and wise husband) tell us again her top 5 EN's that you are working on?

Hey stretch,

She changed the cell number the next day and I (still) have all the passwords.

Compensation? Well, I think we've covered my #1 EN somewhere on this forum (SF for those not familiar) but I'm not sure what I think about that now. Strange.

As for her top five, going to get her to do another EN's page tomorrow. The last one we did was when she was so very foggy and, honestly, it didn't make much sense. Go figure, huh.

Right now, I'd guess RC, Conversation, Admiration, FC and, well, SF has to be at the end. I'll be honest, I haven't been too keen on doing much on that list since Friday. But while not "actively" working on it, we've done really well with RC and Conversation this week. I'm trying to get back into the fray as it's starting to worry her, I think.

Mine would be SF, affection, admiration, honest/openness and domestic support. That last one being there because she's never been one to do things around the house and it's been one of the main reasons that I fell out of love with her.

She's obviously trying but, unfortunately for her (and we've discussed this), she tries meeting #2-4 without #1. That's so complicated, it deserves its own forum!

Thats a subject I can expound upon, lol work when there are troubles at home.

One thing everybody ever knew about me, was that I was a worker. I thank my upbringing for that. For men it is a big part of thier idenity in the world, and a very social nessesity and outlet. I also believe it is for a women too.

Ok short joke, "A womans place is in the home, and she should go there directly after work" Ok girls reading, I am not serious, and I allways wanted a confidant professional women I could share a life with. To me that is very attractive, and a women with guts and who could give me a run for my money, is one I can trust.

Anyway, Over the years I found work whenever I could, even when I had a cast on my leg, after a botched operation in the 80s, and in pain, I washed dishes at a pizza joint, walked home to the cot I had in a basement friends house, and read Micehner for entertainment after I cleaned the house. Oh what a good boy am I?, nope just pulled my weight.

That period of time was just prior to meeting my poor messed up late W, and she recognized what kind of guy I was. She heard I was going to colledge, and she recognized I had brains and talent also. I was no-where ready to have a relationship, but that didn't stop me from that. Thats another big self-examination story that I won't get into now, its not the point I want to make.

Over the years I allways worked and did everything upright, but my W allways would have critisizms that I sold myself short. It took me a long time to realize, that as long as I found my worth through her value of me, I was living like a slave. As tough as I thought I should have been, forgiving and understanding of how she treated me with very little respect, and the more I tried to earn her love and respect, the less I cared about myself. She might have stopped drinking, but the disease still was taking its toll on her, and on me.

One day, when I was working as a mechanic after years of trying to get a bussiness off the ground, I did an engine swap in record time and under book labor time. The boss came to me and said, "You know, I had my doubts when you rolled that beat-up old tool box in here, In my experience when guys tools look like that, there is some addiction issue present"

I prided myself on doing great work and professional work with the tools I had, but missed the big picture he was showing me. Just like going to colledge shows people you are seriuos about what you are doing, and who you are, the same goes for the tools you work with as a mechanic. The quality of any tool reflects the investment in yourself.

In my earlier days I was a manager in a factory, and I have been in charge of crews in construction, contracted work and managed people. My technical skills were pretty much off the charts and also the test done by a pschiatrist said I had an uncanny and special talent of understanding interaction bettween people and outcomes. As issues at home and personal emotional problems got worse, my jobs became more nuts and bolts, and less interpersonal. Yeah the Guy was right, there were some issues at home, and even if there was not active drinking, the issues affected me, because my wife affected me, over the years I saw a bright future drained away. I mixed apples with oranges, love life with work, and it took its toll.

As sad as it is that she is gone, I can get back on track, and build a new future from the past. I have standards that I must meet, for myself, before anyone else. I expect at some time I will date, but that really isn't that important to me as peace of mind, and knowing that I can go out and get myself back into life, and doing it, is the only way I will have peace.

Troubles at home allways effect work performance, I can testify to that, and managers know it also, they above all, know its just a job that provides life where it really counts, with the family at home. They are responsible for all the employees in that way, and if the business gets in trouble because of one persons inability to function at thier job, they all could suffer loss of income. I have blown some good jobs before, stressed out and pushing myself with moonlighting, and shook thier hands on the way out the door and told them I understand, they hated to lose me, but it is what it is.

Hope monday is more productive NW, I know how it can be friend.

I felt like I needed to be a little more specific, on the way she treated me part. See she never came to full acceptance of the damage she did in the earlier years, she wanted to sweep it under the rug and move on. "Its over, God forgave me", and I guess I was supposed to be God also. She also had the same reaction whenever she would screw up again, and expect me to get over it, and be understanding. I literally was fool enough to try and do it, and not protect myself and even her and my children by realizing that after years of this, the reality was that she did not love me. Everything I did was a waste of time on someone she did not respect, and I could not earn her respect.

She was not allways that evil of course, and it was only when her dark moods were upon her, the ones she would not look into with a therapist. Thats why I stayed, there was allways hope.

But inside it eats at you, no remorse, taking the blame, trying to fix it, failing, its no wonder I sold myself short, the thing I cared about the most and gave me the most strength became my god, and that god did not like me or tell me the truth. Much like my relationship with my Dad, and how I stayed in that too, untill I was old enough to leave. Slowly in time I was trading my God for hers, just like Soloman in the bible, who was warned not to take wifes from different religions, because it would destroy him, but he did, and his life did not end well becuase of it.

This isn't about God per say, but our own self-respect, and self-worth. If you make someone so important that they overshadow you, and thier human issues become yours to bear, it can mess anybody up. I thank God that I have a relationship with Him, and that was probably why I am still here. I allways let my W have her own relationship with God, as it should be, but I still don't know what he promised that she believed in, or how she felt He let her down, so she gave up on Him. That I will never know, but she stopped listening and trusting Him, and played it like it was my fault, and that I never knew him. It was a deeply mind bending painful experience for sure.

So when she would say, "You allways sell yourself short, you don't ask for enough money, with your brains and talent, we should have a house and cars and credit and..." when she would not even help with the budget, follow it, and dissapear occasionally like I owed it to her, "after all, she graced me with her presence and married me and had my children", and I wasn't performing up to her requirements..Is it a surprise that I went downhill? Far cry from the words, "We will be fine, as long as we are together", I heard when we first reconciled.

But I hung in there, I can be proud of that, yeah sure, wish I had MB then, something could and should have been done about it, maybe things would be different, at least I would be.

There is a limit anyone should take, even God knows that, I wished I had listened to him, instead of trying to be him.

CP,

Thanks for the thoughts. Yes, I think I did assume too much of her shortcomings as personal failures but...well, not so much anymore.

I got a message at work from the head of OM's company. Seems the HR lady got my letter today (that was quick) and passed it on to him. He asked me to give him a ring back, will do so when I can slip away from work. Their's is a Christian non-profit charity, so maybe the boss is a little worried about image? We'll see.

That is awesome NW! Give OM heII!

Their's is a Christian non-profit charity, so maybe the boss is a little worried about image?

The only way this could have been better would have been if his boss was also his father-in-law!
I'm going to re-align my mental picture of "stupid SOB" to that of an employee of "a Christian non-profit charity" who decides to pursue a married woman!

Yeah, the irony is just sickening and my wife is his second OW in two years. I really wonder if the first one was also a co-worker.

I wish I could call the boss now, but the walls are thin and I don't need to spread the news to everyone else here. Luckily, when I yelled at OM on the phone Friday, I was the only one here.

Whooo, boy. A Christian non-profit? Direct hit! I think you sank his battleship...

Well, just made an Office Depot run so that I could call him back. No answer, left him a message. We'll see.

OM's daddy and sister should be getting their notes today or tomorrow. They didn't respond the first time I wrote back in February, kind of doubt I'll hear anything from them this time. But, it only cost me a stamp so no big deal.

Hang in there NW. That conversation ought to be interesting. LOL.

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