Hi Grace, I am kinda new here myself. I am reminded of a passage in 2 Corinthians 7
"10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter."

If you are a person of faith, this will ring true for you. the eagerness to clear your name of what you have done, the indignation (which you are expressing over your actions), the alarm which accompanies such actions, the concern and willing eagerness to see justice done. These are evident in your posts. Turn your anger at yourself to energy spent on your H. MB seems to encourage these principles. Be encouraged.

CV

Thanks, CV. I am a person of faith, though it took me awhile to get there.. I appreciate you bringing this passage to my attention.

In my journal, I've been working to compile a list of scripture references regarding sin and adultery.. I have found it to be helpful in keeping me remorseful, prideless and eager to repent.

Good, Grace.

Just keep in mind that what you do will be at least as important as what you read.

I spent a lot of time wondering how God, the perfect potter, could make such a worthless piece of crap as I turned out to be when I turned my back on Him & broke my wedding vows. The thing I hang onto is that maybe He wasn't finished with His work on me yet.

But I've learned something about the way He works: That he just doesn't go "Poof!" "Zap!" to fix marriages. What He will sometimes do is lay certain tools at your feet. The MB approach is one of the best sets of tools my wife & I have ever found. You've gotta keep picking them up & keep using them. Master them.

What are you doing with & for your husband today?

We are ALL sinners. Every one of us. Easter weekend is a wonderful time to be reminded that our sins have been paid for and are forgiven. Former waywards and betrayed spouses alike. We all sin.

Be especially grateful for God's grace on Easter Sunday!

Then please read what else Paul said about restoring in gentleness. Also collect some passages on grace, forgiveness and peace. Though a person is forgiven, repercussions for our actions often last a long long time. Start here:


Rom 8:1-6 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (2) For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (3) For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, (4) in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (5) For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. (6) For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

I learned journaling when I found out I was a BH. Also, write your spouse letters. Lots of them. Not just about repentance, but about things they can hold onto. The BS will look for things to hold onto, and they will help provide hope and reassurance.

cv

A quick note on love and the OM...

Love is something that is not based on feelings. If we let our feelings dictate our actions, we would (as the MB material suggests) be living a life of complete chaos. Love rather is action and action is work. Putting all that you put into that OM into your husband builds love. It deposits not just into his love bank, but yours as well.

Honestly, if the OM really loved you, he would have encouraged you to talk to your husband and not involved himself with you. A's, whatever type they are, are selfish. They take what rightfully belongs to the spouse and gives it to the other person. All of the emotion, passion etc.. that was devoted to this other person, if turned towards your husband will ignite you too. Your efforts will pay off, and he will become less reserved around you (he is protecting himself so you won't hurt him again, and needs to be reassured.) Us BS' really become childlike in our responses and emotions a lot of the time. We become really insecure about ourselves. Real love can be won and think of everything that you fell in love with when you met him. It's still there I'd bet, covered up with lots of garbage. Remember, he is a pearl of great price, but he needs to be rediscovered, polished and treasured. By doing this for him, he will begin to see you in your repentant state as a pearl too. a treasure of great value, worth giving everything for.

I waited three years after my wife's affair looking for a miracle. It didn't come as I expected it. God gave it to me in the form of this site. The miracle is that after 23 years together, we still are madly in love, and that the hurt only goes away and good is built with work work work... But it's not a work that is alone.

ready for the hard work? I think it will get easier over time.

CV

Well said, CV.

I liked this whole post, but this statement really hit home personally.

As a young man about 20, I was a manager in a factory, and I was in a troubled marrige. I had a lot of women who I cared about that worked with me or under me, and with the male ego being what it is, when they would complain about thier relationships, the protection reflexes would try to save the day. I knew though, that all it would do was create a dependency, and build a rift even greater between the woman in question, and her partner. So I avoided giving advice, but encouraged open and honest communication, because it was between them.

I saw guys who feel for thier own ego and get involved, and also older guys take advantage of those situations to get a young piece. It was so common I was an outsider really, but I insisted on being a real friend, instead of a wolve in sheeps clothing so to speak.

Nice Post CV

Hey Grace88,

How about a progress report here? How's your H doing? How are you doing?

Just thinking about you guys and was curious how things were going.

CV

Grace,
You posted on my thread awhile back. Our stories are so similar.

How's recovery going for you? Update?
CT