I remember, early in recovery, when I was checking our bank accounts online - I almost lost it when I saw a charge on our account that clearly was WH and his girlfriend - I held myself together and asked about the charge. It was a charge from an overnight stay of mine and H's that included a meal I'd forgotten about. You'll have that.

btw- when do you say recovery? what is that line you have to cross, just want to know it when i get there....

off to my first family function of his, lets see what happens, they are very sweep under the rug types. he agree not to leave my side, and when i am done we can go. he thanked me for doing this, lets see how the day procresses, there is always drama. I look great though and i am not helping with the dishes! this is certianly not high on my scale of this i want to do, but we have negotiated.

here i come in-laws take that!
but i really dont want to go...

ok well the weekend was ok, got thru the family with out any issue, yes they ignored the whole thing, they did catch him and ask how he was doing!!!???.... what am i wood, or i have i locked him in the closet beatiing him, he was the wrong dooer- "no the bus that rolled over me and then backed up, no that was nothing i am ok, thank you for asking." ( my vent)

Let me ask the vets since they have se so many stories come thru here. May be its my neurotic day...

I have read so many posts and it seems that i have gotten off pretty easy, he is eager with the program and really into it, it has definately changed the way he is thinking in may different aspects also. (please dont hit me with a 2x4)

I know i had a few trickle truths that lasted a month or so. maybe i am forgetting that it was bad. But i havent had to drag him by the hair to do any of this. Its just getting me to think.... i dont know what i am questioning, just that so many other have to work so had to get thier WS to see the light.

thoughts????

am i missing something or did i just get that lucky (lets not put too much into that word. Lucky- thats funny...... you know what i mean.

btw- when do you say recovery? what is that line you have to cross, just want to know it when i get there....[/u] If he is making compensation has EPs in place and you are actively working on the recovery plan...Then My dear you are in recovery.

[u]I have read so many posts and it seems that i have gotten off pretty easy, he is eager with the program and really into it, it has definately changed the way he is thinking in may different aspects also. (please dont hit me with a 2x4) You did get off easy and have a remorseful H. Does that help...no not really the hurt is still done. But I can assure you its better than being in the abyss.

Be glad and rejoice but dont make the mistake I did. Getting complacent in your M will inevitably let this happen again. Pay close attention to the principals and apply them year after year. ENs, POJA, PORH and UA time is something none of us can afford to fail with.

My H did a turn around on D day.
That's not saying he did not tell a few lies after D day.
He's an alcoholic, so there was that too.

But, MY SWEET BABOO was eager to stay married to me .... and losing the OW was no biggie for him.
I think my H's A relationship had already lost most of it's luster/sparkle/woo-woo anyway. He was more than ready to quit his bad self.
He felt like a turd on stale moldy bread.

yes all of EP are in place. working on plan, with guidance from Jennifer, which has been great- I dont know if i am ready to say recovery, i think i am still in shock, is there a pre-recovery stage? I guess the word is tough, i dont know if i will ever fully recover, i will be different...

OMT- "You did get off easy and have a remorseful H"- it does help hearing it, i guess i also thought i had a non cheating husband so i am still in that uneasy frame of mind. I am a prove youself kinda gal.

pep you just make me laugh. your sweet baboo, knew that he was going lose and amazing person. I think that fact that my H- skanyho, was a psycho bunnie burner helped my situation.

thanks for the help!!!!

Girl look at some of the other threads where WSs are leaving, spewing and the such. But your right action mean something and words mean little. But if his "actions" show repentance. Then the only thing that WILL STOP recovery is resentment. Im not much of one to preach on that subject because its been the single biggest hurdle I have yet. I cant figure out the path over that huge mountain yet either.

Maybe you're just so used to being on the offensive/defensive that now you don't know how to just be "ok". For me, I think I would pick at something that was not wrong just to make sure that it wasn't wrong and end up damaging it in the process. Make sense? A hard habit to break.

I don't know if you got lucky or just caught this early where others had let a lot more damage occur before trying to get back on track.

If y'all are both actively trying to change the dynamic between you, I think you'll start to see an improvement. You know how your mindset/thinking changes so much in this, see how you feel in, say, one week?

Ohh i know looking at he threads make me very thankful. he is defintely working it. Its just me being the doubter and saying, could this really be true?

I do know that resentment will be difficult and it will rear is ugly head from time to time- i am trying to put those thoughts out of my head. becasue i think that people tend to fall into that resentment rut and it hard to get out of it, and the only person i would be damaging is myself.

I am going with-- I wont be able to meet anyone's EN if i am being resentful. Its like answering the phone with a smile.

(I can have my own pity party dont get me wrong (privately)).

Strangely, I found that having a pity party by verbalizing here helped the most. Usually, someone ahead of me would respond and put things back in perspective. I don't know, maybe just putting it all down on screen (versus "on paper" ) helped out and was cathartic. It's been a while since I had my last "woe is me" time, quite a change from several times an hour.

Do what you can with the resentment, it's a hard thing to let go of sometimes, but it sounds like you're on the right track.

"Maybe you're just so used to being on the offensive/defensive that now you don't know how to just be "ok". For me, I think I would pick at something that was not wrong just to make sure that it wasn't wrong and end up damaging it in the process. Make sense? A hard habit to break."- this is me!!! makes complete sense. say the word pick and i am on it.

this fourm has helped me with my pity party, thanks for coming to it there is no charge. I am glad NW that you arent "woe is me -ing it too much- i call it eeyoring- like the winnie the poo.

did you just say Y'all????

Here's how I look at this.


You're doing fine.
Your D day & NC letter was not that long ago.
You're still on that emotional roller coaster.


Our adultery-hell-a-mess was 15 years ago.
I never thought I'd feel as in love and as happy as I am now.
Our 30 year anniversary is right around the corner.

Steady as she goes.
I does get better.

pep! the bottom fell out again... i knew it,.. there is more. see no time for the weary or to be comfortable, learned that this has been going on with many more and longer.... i think i am going to plan b. uggh he is in the other room crying bc i pull more shot from his [censored]. i think i may make him leave tonight

the poly was scheduled soon (phone tag), but still pulling [censored]

i dont know if 10 (thats how long i am gathering-) out of 24 years is worth it. he needs help, if he thought that sitting arouund for 24 year, did not show that he wasnt needed. give me a fnk break. are you a moron. i did say that and i dont care that i had a DJ.

dont know who i have been married to for 10 years, he doesnt know who he is. gave it my all, planned a like a winner, he need to figure his own sht out, dont think i am up to accepting and forgiving 10 yrs.

a friend is picking him up

chick, what happened???

{{{chickadee}}}

well oh dear.. more crap came true.

i told him he needed to figur out his charater. i dont know what to say you have to me questiona

Chicka, are you drinking? Please do NOT drink tonight! Please post if you are reading this and let us know you are okay!

had a glass of wine. I cannot type and spell and i have fake nails on. was working the plan a to the max. I am fine, just stunned. thank you for responding. taking the nails off