NW - I wish my WW would seriously look at it that way. She says she does, but that's not enough for her right now. That might change once she moves out.

I don't get it (why your wife thinks this way re: your son) but see that it's a common thing on here.

Beats the h out of me why that takes so long to 'click' with them. Once it did click with my wife, she became a much better mother, is more patient, etc. and her overall outlook on life is just better.

NW - the irony is that she's 'overmothering' him right now. It's like she's trying to compensate for the pain she's going to inflict on him by moving out and wanting a divorce.

My WW's outlook on life is short term - and she's not happy. Another thing that is beyond my control and I've let it go.

Pretty dumb, isn't it.

Is her new house still a go for mid-May? Is it in the same school district as your house--figured your son would be around kindergarten age now.

NW - Yup - she's acting like a teenager. Her 'house' continues to have issues - supposedly the Seller altered the contract to waive the inspections. WW's RE lawyer caught it and they're now working it through. The house is in the same school district, but a different school. Our marital home is in a 'better' part of town and has a better school tied to it. He stays with me, in our home and goes to our school. His best friend literally lives across the street.

I told her during MC (and I should not have) that she should walk away now. Too many problems and issues with it. I didn't say this to her, but I wonder about the mentality of the seller. I wonder if s/he is the one that removed the heater and the water pipes. I also wonder if they'll vandalize it in the future. That'll hurt WW in the wallet - again, not my problem. Also, did I mention it's 70 years old. LOL.

Sounds like the seller is a real class-act there!

How did/will y'all work it so that DS stays in one school as far as her visitation goes? Did she even think of that?

NW - she'll get him every other weekend. During the school year, her visitation will have to be limited to weekends, unless she drives him across town to school. She hasn't thought about that as far as I can tell.

...and she agreed to that? A bit surprised is all.

It's a good thing for you and DS, though, so he isn't being dragged all over the place on top of his mother being gone. With my two, consistency always seems to be the best way to go and would guess it's the same for your 5-yr old.

NW - I don't know if she's really thought that through. Too foggy. Your DS likes consistency, like your kids.

NW - you are jacking your own thread for Andy. Is Andy running out of pages?

Geez, these WW's leave emotionally and its so hard for them to come back. That's the common theme. Once they lose that loving feeling, they just have such a hard time coming back.

"Getting out" just looks so appealing. As it turns out, my WW's divorced friend (who was the toxic one during the affair -- the usual stuff... wanted a girlfriend to drink and dance with and feel silly about boyz again...) it turns out she is the one to now tell her: "You do not want to get divorced. Trust me. It sucks on this side."

Calling all FWW's.... HELP US! We feel so rejected. All the $LB deposits and focus on EN's and they just lost the loving feeling. Do the WW's like "bad boys" "the thrill" "the danger" "the fantasy of running" "feeling 20 again" ?????
The BH's on here all sound like amazing men. A prize for another woman... but we want our wives back.

Wow stretch you hit that on the head!

My wife's Toxic (and divorced) Friend is EXACTLY that! She wanted a G/F to hit the clubs with, tease the "boys" and dance and feel silly... perfect description! Maybe when my WW's Toxic Friend heads off to California for her new life in June, she'll part by saying WW should really get back together with me.... and the underlying reason - because "I've had my fun with you, your husband and family can have you back now..."

And the part about being so emotionally detached is spot-on too. My WW still thinks life away from me is gonna be better than with me.

On the day of my divorce, after signing the papers, I plan on sincerely thanking my ex-wife for making me such a better man. Give her a long hug and wish her the best. Then the closure of it all will be done.

God, I hope that day never comes.

Andy doesn't need any help adding pages, his wife's continued drama is all the fodder we need for that. I'm just trying to keep him from hitting the 100-page mark because he's liable to start deleting his thread again making me start all over.

My WW didn't really have any toxic friends to cheer her on. Rather, the ones she had that knew of the "events" got so pissed off that they ended all contact with her.

It's good that your wife's toxic friend is telling her to cool her jets. I guess Andy's wife's toxic friend is his MIL and, well, we all know about the one that TB's wife is entangled with.

So are toxic friends a common denominator that hinge on the success or failure of all this? Maybe a wayward having an active support system is instrumental to whether or not they try to reconcile with their spouse?

This is the aim. This is the point of personal recovery - succeed or fail, be an amazing man. Be a prize for whatever woman you choose to share your life with.

[quote=stretch123but we want our wives back. [/quote]

That ball is in their court, so long as we uphold the first half of the statement.

Know what the appeal of a "bad boy" is? Confidence, assertiveness. Doormats don't have that.

I don't know, guys...I'd personally like to smack every one of your WW's on the side of her head. They don't know how fortunate they are they have a BH who is willing to extend forgiveness and love to them after what they've done.

For me, it was the fantasy of being 18 again. OM was my boyfriend when I was a senior in HS and the summer after I graduated. So we had the whole "what if" fantasy. We had no "real life" experience together. We hadn't lived through births, deaths, sick children at 3 AM, poopy diapers, dirty dishes in the sink, bounced checks, paying bills, etc...

But what I have learned is that the fantasy is empty. All of those "real life" things are the richness that makes life worth sharing with somebody. Somebody to grow old with. Someone to move the TV into the bedroom so you can watch movies while you're bedridden. Someone whose body is so familiar to me I know it like the back of my hand. Someone who has the most wonderful scent right where his neck meets his collarbone. I learned it all too late, unfortunately. I'm praying your WW's figure it out before it is too late for them as well.

NW - should I be offended? LMAO! It's one of my fondest hopes that the GF that visited last week gave her some stuff to think about!

Andy -

Nah, don't get offended but you have to admit that your thread does get sidetracked more than others. Granted, usually it's because someone (Reynolds ) hijacks it and we end up talking about random things, but, this morning, was halfway educational in that we learned that back-room gambling halls are actually still illegal. Go figure

Still pulling for you, though.

NW - I like the diversions on my thread. It's pretty funny to me too! That's why we need the "No GURLZ" Clubhouse. LOL.

We'll see if she turns into some bizarro version of Shelley Long in Cheers - a cocktail waitress - nice career move WW! I'm still curiuos what passes as 'high stakes' around here. It could be a $5 buy-in and a $0.50 limit. Guess I'll find out soon enough.

I can attest to this also, even in my case when there was a reconcilliation but not full recovery the details were different.

In my case part of the details were substance abuse issues. They were never addressed like I knew in my gut they needed to be, so there was a harboring fear and resententment that haunted me.

Then again, it was after I left for two years, had another GF, and how I insisted I would never come back, that made my W beg me to come back and admit she needed to work on things. She was very complient but again wanted to "cover up" the past mistakes. I eventually drank the kool-aid, and got to the point of kicking myself in the azz, cause she was here right? The past is dead and gone right? She wasn't activly drinking right? I felt that should have been enough, and I was also starting to trust her again.

Address the issues NW, if they are in your heart, they are important, and they should be important to FWW too. Everyone here knows that trust will have to be rebuilt, and in time it can be, untill you can not only trust her with her actions, but with your heart also. This will take time, and I suggest counsel with the Harleys, because if you have a lot of emotion, you will need to have someone help you be fair and objective.

Use this time wisely, and give it the time you need, it won't go away and shouldn't be covered up until you both get back to each others hearts desires again.

Grats NW, I would be lieing if I said a wasn't envious of the opportunity you have here in reconciliation. Do it with all the passion you have, and with the determination you have already shown.

It will take time, but you are both worth it.

My WH is actively involved with his POSOW because he has a great friend who is deployed with him and her. POS friend along with my MIL is all my POSWH needs to keep his dung fog going. The saddest man on the planet.

My POSWH is going to live with POS friend once he is back from deployment, who I secretly feel is also in love with POSOW. They they will become two pathetic POS men that must go through withdrawal because I am almost positive POSOW won't need them much. There are 1000 other single, good looking men in the NOVA area that she will seize upon real quick.

It just pisses me off because my POSWH is so deep in dung fog that he is throwing away his wife of 14 years, our four babies, his two homes, his military career, and I am sure Karma will add a whole bunch more before the crap settles.

My understanding from all the soldiers back in the STATES POSOW likes to use guys when she needs them, so I think in the end both POSWH and POS friend will both be dumped by POSOW. My POSWH has a strong support system around him telling him, "Poor WH you cannot help who you fall in love with. Look at BW, she is awful, she exposed you to everyone and then filed adultery charges on you in the military. She is so disrespectful for snooping in your privacy emails, phone records, yada...yada...yada..."

I have my popcorn ready and as they return from deployment it will be interesting to see if POSOW still needs these two bozos for her pleasure. POS friend is great with buying her dinner, things, drinks, etc. and my POSWH is great at supplying the rest because POS friend is not prize winning material, just a man with money at the moment.

The great news is I start collecting half of POSWH's salary next month. We will see how far POSOW will get because he is heading to the poverty house and probably bankruptcy real quick. She likes her booze, clubs, trips, and men who can supply all of it for free!!!!

The fog stays thick with the support system. In the end they will all get what's coming to them. Proverbs is the best predicament to karma. I would like to secretly say, "God is great!", but I cannot instead I have to just pray for our waywards because we may be losing everything but at least we have our souls.

Just to clear things up a bit I do NOT TJ Andy unless its something that is clearly vital like talking about maple syrup. Key issues only. Between my job here, and keeping Marital out of the he-man club thread I am a busy guy.

BTW on a serious note, in a session with Steve I talked about my WW (maybe add a small f soon) and her best friend a serial cheater for years. I wouldn't be surprised to learn this woman is on ashley madison or something. Anyway Steves assessment was that it is like drinking buddies with men. Bad news!