I just don't trust her to be true about her feelings yet. I don't even think she understands her feelings.
Here's the thing.
Recovery will happen in the presence of all sorts of feelings. Understood, or not.
It's recovery actions by which we measure recovery progress.
You can/should care about her feelings.
But know this ~~~> next mood change in 60 minutes.
Continue to keep your "trap" closed. Particularly do not render any opinion about her feelings. They belong to her.
So my question is this: When do I introduce her to what I've learned from this and other sites? When, if ever, do I point her in the direction of a resource that will explain "The Fog" to her?
A couple of weeks at the soonest. That's my opinion.
I don't have faith that she can sort this out on her own.
She will go through her roller coaster of feelings.
The dynamics of her fall into her A will be more easily understood BY HER once she has stopped all OM contact for a minimum 2 weeks.
Her solution was to go to her doctor today and get a prescription to zonk her out so that she will stop feeling like she wants to die.
What RX?
If the MD gave her anti depressants, they do not "zonk".
I don't know that that is unwise, but I'm certain she will never come to understand "The Fog" and all this other stuff we're going through without a nudge in the right direction.
Later ... And the BEST way to help her understand is to buy SAA (see bookstore) and read it together.
But .... not yet. She is too raw.
Keep a roll of duct tape handy for your mouth.
Dig DEEP and find empathy when your wife least deserves it.
She is hurting.
She needs a hero.
Do you know of any available heroes?
Stop trying to "fix" her.
Start offering a strong (silent) shoulder to cry on.
Give her non-sexual hugs.
Offer her "time out" from the kids to go have a bubble bath. (She will have a good cry)
The MOST important thing right now?
NO CONTACT WITH OM
Your wife will get better if there is NC.
She is in withdrawal.