Good night last night. He took me in his arms and said how very sorry he was. He said that he had been unhappy for 4 years.... Oh that hurt but atleadt he is talking. He doesn't talk so this was a good move forward. We made love and it felt right/better. He hopefully will see from that that when he shows affection his en are met!
Hoping for a good day today!

Will you follow through with the poly? I've heard that many waywards will hope that they have escaped the trap by agreeing poly but secretly hoping that the suspecting spouse will not follow through.

One poster here described that her husband finally made a confession just before the poly, when they were sitting outside in a car...

I will follow through with the poly. Not sure when I should do this. Any advice?

I don't agree with this advice. It goes against everything I have seen recommended here.

NEVER proceed on the basis of trust, especially after your H had an affair. Remember, this was a long, deep PA which has affected your H profoundly.

On this site, people are always advised to proceed with a polygraph and NEVER to abandon it. Even though the WS will start to confess days or minutes before the test, you must still go through with it.

Some confess only some of the details hoping that you will call off the test and not find out the rest of the details.

You need to tell him that the test is booked - perhaps a week in advance - and give him the chance to confess. Tell him that this is his chance to come clean, and if it is discovered in the test that he withheld anything or lied to you, there will be consequences (e.g. Plan B, if that is the next appropriate step).

However much he confesses, do NOT back down from the test. Trust is entirely inappropriate in your marriage.

AEK1,

Definitely follow through with the polygraph soon. My H and I had great hysterical bonding after D-day (the name for intense and frequent SF after D-day). My H was still not telling the truth. The day before the poly was scheduled a huge amount of information came out.

Also, I believe that one of your questions should be about the last time your H and OW were in contact. Your H's behavior sounds like continuing contact to me. Edit because I just read that OW is in the school area and you end up seeing her frequently. Move.


AM

Reading too much into it. Waywards tend to go for a class well below their spouse in many aspects.

He wanted to rut in the mud, and got himself another pig to rut with.

Get that poly scheduled and don't let his words appease you into inaction. I suspect he is trying to gaslight you and distract from proceeding with the poly.

It's so unusual to get polys in the UK. I don't know anyone who has done it.

We have had a good day and he has cuddled me a lot. We have listened to hours of MB radio too.....and I think he gets it. I am so nervous about the poly.......

Yes, that is my understanding. But it can be done. We have posters on here from the UK, and I'm hoping they'll be able to help you with the process.

Thanks for that. Certainly true in my situation. WH and pig snorting around in the slop.

AEK1,

This is what it is all about!

But don't let it fool you into thinking that all is now well. I made that mistake. See the two D-Days in my sig?

Stay strong. You will make it through.

I have no experience of this, AEK, except from watching the Jeremy Kyle show.

Don't let the UK factor or anything else put you off. There are polygraphers here and you will have to find one near to where you live. Try the Yellow Pages! And how about logging on to the website of Kyle, or Tricia, or others who run these confessional talk shows? There might be help lines attached, and there might be advertisers on the sites. You have to make a start somewhere instead of agonising. The first stept is research.

Going through with a test will give you power and knowledge that you do not currently have. Stop being frightened of acting on this.

Wow, mind power! I was thinking "Where's SugarCane" during my last post, and then lo and behold!

It confuses me, I always thought pure cane sugar was from Hawaii...

Better day - think he gets it now......

Naw. She's from England.

More like he thinks he can con you and stop you talking about polygraphs.

If you think this will be this easy you are setting yourself up for a huge let down and compounded hurt.

AEK1,

Yesterday he was threatening divorce over the poly and you were saying that you felt that he just didn't love you anymore.

Then poof overnight he agrees to lie detector, shows some remorse and does something to make you think he gets it.

Maybe he does get it ... but normally it is a more gradual process.

You must admit that it appears suspect.