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She has agreed to put in papers that kids will not see OM for one year from the date div is final. This was a big long battle with her. I felt that if they are together one year from now then i guess she knows better than me. No reason for her to introduce him to the kids and then watch her get dumped. Which will be hilarious when it happens.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Sounds good, glad to hear you got something in to cover that.
What are her parents doing these days? Does she have any contact with them or has she shut them out?
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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She doesn't talk to them or her sisters anymore. she sent a mass text to her friends and mom happy mothers day. that's all they've gotten for the last month. I went to her parents yesterday with her sisters by myself if that gives you any idea how far gone she is. I also got her moved out last Thursday night and collected all keys and remotes from her. Her OM has more of a conscience about what he has done to his family that her. how sad is that.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Well, keep in touch with her parents, especially for the children's sakes.
It sounds like you're doing the right thing here given the circumstances.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Lostman we have suprisingly similar stories right now. My STBXH and I just agreed to me him having the kids two days a week and every other weekend - almost 50/50 but with my house as primary residence. I do like that you got in writing that the OM can't meet the kids until one year after your divorce as final. I'm trying to get a similar agreement. It will be harder on my WH's part - since his girlfriend is overseas - if he does move her to the U.S. then it will be a challenge not having her meet the kids. Not my problem and if we really are focusing on the kids - which is what he claims to be doing - then it's not in their best interest to meet the OW so soon.
Me: 43
STBXH: 46
DD: 13
DS: 9
Married 15 years
D Day #1 9/25/10
D Day #2 12/13/10
False recoveries in between and until 4/4/11
WH moved out 12/11
Divorce not final
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Thats my point. She said i don't want them around om because shes with him and hurt me blablabla. I told her the point is someone has to look out for the best interest for the kids and its definitely not her. they are struggling as it is(not that she cares) So this was to be the deal or i was getting a lawyer, which im trying not to do at this moment. She agreed.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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I told her the point is someone has to look out for the best interest for the kids and its definitely not her. they are struggling as it is(not that she cares) So this was to be the deal or i was getting a lawyer, which im trying not to do at this moment. She agreed. Well said and done, Lost.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Thanks, Now im done with her being at the house as well, she is moved out and i have the keys. now i can start getting to a normal at the house and not worry about her coming and going any. Going to reset the codes on the garage doors this week and change a lock on one door for good measure while keeping all other doors secured from within, which i can do.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Well said and done, Lost. I'll second that. Keep those kids healthy, and balanced. It's a tall order, but they are definitely worth it.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!)
Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old
DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010
DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010
Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011
DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011
On OM#4, that I know of...
D Filed: 11 Feb 2011
D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 652
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Now im done with her being at the house as well, she is moved out and i have the keys. now i can start getting to a normal at the house and not worry about her coming and going any. How are you doing? How are the kids?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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I'm doing okay today. I have been feeling very depressed and lonely lately. The kids are doing okay, they get to spend the night with their mom tonight for the first time since she left 3 months ago. That makes me sad, but i need a break to. They have mixed emotions about staying there tonight as well. She has a place of her own and new furniture for the kids, so they are kinda excited about that. No news on the divorce. i expected to hear something by now. she said it was being typed up 1 1/2 weeks ago. Just another day i guess.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 275
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lostman-
I have been reading your thread and was wondering how did visit went for the kids? I hope you did something fun.
I so understand the feeling of loneliness...it just doesn't seem right the one can leave and be full of life while the other is emotionally devastated... I so understand and I am so sorry.
stay strong
BS-me 40y
FWH-41y
DDay-11-30-06
DS-18y
DS-12y
DS-6y
Married December 1992
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The kids are with me 99% of the time until now. we do fun things and she tries to go a little overboard with them when she has has them. She needs to make sure they still like her. They enjoy there time with her, but tell me its not the same anymore with her. She is always on the phone or something. I feel for them and i am staying as strong as i can.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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I understand the going overboard thing. My 6 year old stated when we are with did he buys us stuff. He has them about 10 hours every other weekend- and takes them to do things. My oldest, 18 chose not to go with him Sunday bc he didn't feel like going to putt putt or the park again... he just wanted to hang out...
keep staying strong...I know its hard, the kids need you to be their strength and constant...I crumble at night or in the shower...I am blessed though bc my oldest is 18- and he gets it...
have a good one
BS-me 40y
FWH-41y
DDay-11-30-06
DS-18y
DS-12y
DS-6y
Married December 1992
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Lost,
Sorry to hear you've been down lately. Up. Down. Up. Down. It's how this ride is. Keep moving, and keep stopping by here for venting, reflection, and advice. We're all in this together.
As for the legal stuff. It takes a LONGGG time. Even when the process has started. Being the BS doesn't make it easier...
Hang in there lost. You will be found again.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!)
Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old
DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010
DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010
Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011
DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011
On OM#4, that I know of...
D Filed: 11 Feb 2011
D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Thanks all for the encouragement. I went out and had a good time last night with a friend. Had a few and had some laughs. This was my first night without the kids in a long time and it was nice to have a little break. But i was dang glad to see them this morning when she dropped them off.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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I'm very sorry. But I wish you the best with your sons. I am a single mother myself raising 2 daughters. They mean the world to me. I don't know what I would do without them.
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LM, I'm sorry that the fight you fought so long, and shared with your colleagues on SAA, has resulted in you being here. Stay strong in your beliefs, stay strong in your commitment to "family" and "integrity". Your children will benefit from your example.
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Thanks for all the support again. Integrity is getting harder to hold on to. I have maintained my positions on everything, but im beat. She told me that the lawyer would not put in the agreement that there would be no contact with om because of issues if she were to get married. Does this sound like something a lawyer would say. I was livid last night. So bad i was shaking. She called me and swore to god that she would keep her end of the agreement on no contact for a year, but it would not be in the paperwork. There will be a statement of no overnight visits from opposite sex. I am beside myself at the moment. She then asked if i would sign papers. i told her i would look at it and maybe contact lawyer. she kinda flipped.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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