Here's the FB exposure letter:

I know she and he are telling people we have been separated since December since he has had that apartment, so it's not an affair, it's "dating."

I can't figure out a way to say he and I were NOT really separated, that he started sleeping with her while he was still sleeping with me, without sounding sordid or being TMI.

I am include to leave it however if you wish to add a sentence say something like :

Unfortunately I subsequently found out that my husband , XXX, was exposing me to the risk of STD's as he was sexualy active with both myself and OW over the same time period.

Wait for the vets to chime in

You mentioning the start date of the affair will soon destroy the myth of dating, people are not stupid they will know one and one equals two.

You don't need to explain that IMO. It is WRONG to be dating/sleeping with a man who is still married, no matter what!

What people think or say isn't really what makes exposure effective (though it helps!) but it's just having it out in the open that it is an affair and not a normal dating relationship (and knowing that this is under scrutiny) helps to start crumbling the fantasy of the A...

The problem is the first time I kicked him out was mid-December and people knew we "separated" then, so it seems like it's been 5 months. When for real, he and I were barely separated. He was at my house playing house every day and most nights.

Around here, people will think "Well, it's been a while that they've been separated and so it's okay for him to start dating if they're getting divorced." I AM NOT KIDDING. This goes on all the time when people are separated. And other people are okay with it. It's even legal.

Here's my first draft:

Dear friends and family of Trashy McTrasherson:

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Trashy McTrasherson is having an extramarital affair with my husband, [WH]. We have been married for 18 years and have 2 heartbroken children. Ms. McTrasherson and my husband have been having this affair since at least the beginning of April, according to the evidence. I�m telling you this out of respect because I know that before they parade this relationship before you as something other than what it is, you would want to know the truth. I believe they may be claiming that he and I have been separated for some time, but we were working on our marriage. Neither of us has filed for divorce. Their relationship was begun in secret, while he and I were still spending most of our days and nights living as man and wife. THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP. I WANT IT TO SOUND LIKE HE AND I WERE DOING MORE THAN JUST HAVING SEX AND MAKE THE POINT THAT WE ARE STILL FREAKING MARRIED!!! HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

I am asking for your help. I still love my husband. I believe my children deserve a loving, intact family. I would ask that you use your influence with her to persuade her to leave my husband alone. In addition, Ms. McTrasherson and my husband have been exposing my young children, ages 3 and 5, to their adulterous affair. Please ask her to keep her distance from my children, as their father and I have only really been separated a few short weeks, since I discovered this inappropriate relationship; my children are confused and upset and have not adjusted to the new situation. It is harmful for them to be exposed to such immorality and deception.

I would be happy to answer questions or provide evidence to anyone who asks. I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents, her family and anyone else who may be of support or assistance. They may call me at [my home phone number].

Thank you,
Hyacinth the Betrayed

According to your profile the PA occurred in October last year where does April come into it unless it is April 2010. If it is 2010 then say so.

That was his first PA with his first OW who he met on a business trip and who lives 2,000 miles away so it continued as only an EA. Then this April he started a PA with a local woman here, a coworker of his, while he and I were supposedly working on things, but after he had moved out (although he was at our house every day and half the nights). So it is only since the beginning of April for this woman.

I changed my signature so hopefully it's more clear

I would keep it simple and state your case factually without outright attacking their facebook 'friend's character. They will know the score. She may try to convince them otherwise and they can be aware she is an OW.

Yes, I thought the same thing about attacking her character, that is was probably a bad move because it would lose me sympathy and I'd just come off as wanting revenge.

However, I think you are missing the point I am trying to make in the first paragraph about explaining to people we were still together when this started. They are already appearing together in public and people think they are merely dating and that he and I have been totally separated since December and headed for divorce (which is absolutely not true), because that is how he is presenting this. If I send this letter out without refuting that, he is going to say I am just a crazy b-tch who doesn't know how to let go. I have seen other men he works with do the EXACT SAME THING (very male-centered profession and the core of our social group comes from his job). No one will take me seriously or care about what they are doing. I AM NOT SPECULATING ABOUT THIS; I KNOW IT FOR A FACT. And then sending this letter would be pointless, in fact it would actually be damaging to me because people would start to sympathize with him. Another one of his coworkers did a similar thing two or three years ago and I am one of the people who believed the man's story, because she did things like this that made her come off to everyone as just crazy. People just wanted her to settle down and leave him alone. I only now have found out the truth. And they are now divorced.

Next question. There is a couple who used to be our friends. (WH and I were both in their wedding seven years ago.) OW is best friends with the wife, who has been trying to do damage control with the rest of our group of friends by saying she disapproves like everyone else and now OW is mad at her, etc. I have not ever believed it. I know what kind of person she is and I really believe she had something to do with this. Believe me when I say she and her H know the true score about WH and I. They've spent the last 6 months pumping me for information in the guise of giving me support and I've now found out they were arranging all kind of get-togethers that included OW and WH. And now she and her H are in this picture with WH and OW that was posted on Facebook. And it's not a candid shot; they were all standing together posing for it. They used to be a core part of our circle of friends, but this has split us all -- well, not down the middle since 98% of people side with me -- but they are one of two couples who sided with WH because the wives were friends with OW. Normally, they would fall into the category of people who should get the exposure letter (they are both "friends" of WH and I and they are on OW's Facebook friends list, too). Should I bother to include them in the people I send the letter to? Since they so clearly support this, it doesn't seem to make sense to me. But I come to you all as the experts.

My thoughts are that you mention towards the second half of the letter, the part about the children, that you only recently seperated and that should suffice on the timeline of the marriage being worked on as affairs begin.

I would send the message to the people you suspect are propping the affair.

You can only control what you do and say......you can not demand others rally for you. You ask, you don't demand and later you remember who supported you and who did not. If your marriage ever recovers you have taken notes who is going to be part of your circle, who not.

YK?

And also, people are able to call you to get more info as you stated to them.

Hyacinth, as far as sending out the messages to people because they will think that you are a mean and crazy wife, WHO CARES? Just because MOST of society thinks that it is okay to "date" while still married, people understand that it is NOT. You used to be one of those people, now, I hope that MB has changed your mind.

It doesn't matter if someone has been separated for 5 minutes, or 5 years. It is wrong to date while still married, PERIOD. It is still adultery. Do we know people who have done it in the past? Sure. Did we condemn them then? No. What do you believe now?

Now, as far as contacting OW, I would suggest that you don't. You will gain NOTHING from that. Also, after this exposure, you are to hear NOTHING about her as well. STAY OUT OF THE DRAMA.

And, could you PLEASE ask your IM to contact me? I would like to give her a few pointers for filtering out emails and how she deals with you. I don't want to suggest a new IM for you, so let's try to make this one work for you, k?

Yes, send this couple the exposure letter as well. Remember, you are asking for HELP from those who are willing to help try to keep a family together.

When/if they respond unkindly, IGNORE THEM or send a very generic response back. Do not lower yourself and respond in kind.

Mark out everything about separation and don't muddy the waters. An affair is an affair. Married is married. It doesn't matter if he was standing on his head on planet Mars and singing God Bless Texas, an affair is an affair. If someone sends you a letter and asks about separation, THEN you can respond that you were partially separated but still living as man and wife as recently as April.

Even so, married is married, DESPITE what some crapwit thinks. Don't acknowledge that nonsense by taking that premise seriously. Good grief, we have betrayed husbands who show up on this forum when their silly wayward wives move into the back bedroom and pronounce they are "separated." I am sorry, but that is retarded.

Being separated is not a justification to commit adultery.

Thats hilarious!! I just read Northwoods post and he marked out the EXACT SAME sentences I did!!