Peachy, thanks so much for this information. I'm going to make sure my attorney gets WH's and Dumpy's depositions before we have any mediation meetings. I understand it will be very emotionally difficult, but I want to be there when she's deposed. I'm going to insist upon it.

I just can't be crazy at a mediation and throw the baby out with the bath water. I will have to take any offer that includes half or more of our assets, half of his retirement, and alimony for life. I'll back off on property or alimony to some extent, but I will not accept one percentage point less than half of his retirement if he'll accept legal separation.

Maybe he'll view my proposal as so outrageous that he'll let it go to court and we'll LET THE FUN BEGIN!

Again, thanks, Peachy for sharing your experiences. It helps to see what my options are.

Just do remember, don't jump at the first offer.

If he's done crazy things and it's documented, then court will be ok.

Silly thing, but my attny was right. Ask for far more, then he will think he's getting a deal negotiating down b/c he will know (courtesy of the depositions) he's goin' down!!!

Just make sure to get everything part of the legal document. have the ow named in it. Named as in her whole, given, Christian name.

I have no problem naming Dumpy in the legal doc--full name, including degree from your state university as part of her title.

And I'll definitely start the bidding high--I'll ask for all of it. We can work on a compromise from there.

Way to go girl! Just remember "art of war". REad that thread over and over!

It is a mindset. Mentality. The more the affair loses, the more it is a gain for you, even though you're in Plan B.

Plus, stress on affair, LOTS OF STRESS on the affair = trouble in crazy wayward lalaland and helps facilitate the end of the sleaziness.

BONUS!!!!!

However, remember this. In the case of my xwh, the affair didn't end (she was pregnant) and he married her.

But the stupidity DID end. It always does. you just do not know what the timeline for the ending of the stupid affair is. I preferred to think of it as on "God's time". It would end when He decided it to. And I also trusted Him to protect me and show me which path to follow. I had to go down the D pathway, but it was for a reason. God had a far better plan for my son and I and our lives. Just have faith. Trust. But also do smart things too! (like legal stuff)

Well, the affair may not end but if 55-year-old Dumpy gets pregnant, I'll laugh my a$$ off! WH will have to work until he's in his 70s.

I've decided I can live with or without him--there is a bright future waiting for me either way. My sister and counselor are proud of me. Now, if I could just stop crying whenever I say it.........

I am definitely getting there, though!

I am proud of you too, even with the crying. You are getting there H&G, and it makes me smile. Keep it up, YOU ROCK.

I laid off of it for a while, but what colour are your toes? HEHEHEHEHEHE

Thanks, Scotty.

My eleven toenails are purple (still). I'll have to get around to changing it this weekend. I'm going with silver.

If you are truly prepared to take it to court if he refuses half and half, please be sure your attorney is a real pitbull.

Some of the BSes here (Holyheart for example) have had things drag on for way over a year and I would hate for you to not have your attorney on board too.

Karmasrose, I've instructed my attorney to drag it out as long as possible. I didn't file for divorce until after he did--I had to answer or I'd be divorced by now. So he's taking as long as possible to go through the discovery phase and then we'll slowly march through the rest of it.

Mainly, I don't want to be divorced because I still have hopes, but also because it has ticked off Dumpy that it's being delayed. She wants this marriage over so she can tell everyone that WH is divorced and then pretend there never was an affair.

Not on my watch! When the divorce occurs, that's when I "do a Peachy" and paper her town with fliers about her actions. All truthful, all precise in language and tone.

In some ways, I'm already looking forward to doing that. >;)

SusieQ, on another thread you wrote:


Thank you for your kind words. I'll never be a poster girl for Plan B, but I do keep trying. I am feeling empowered and better and more like myself than I have for months. I am in a completely different place.

(And, yep, the original thread was deleted.)

Hope! I actually almost wrote something to you along those lines (of how well you seem to be doing) the other day. I still follow along and am still sending prayers and thoughts to you and your family {{H&G}}

ps ~ Ender is on my TBR list, thanks for the review on Scotty's thread awhile back!

You'll love Ender! My sons kept recommending it to me, but I thought it would be too juvenile for me. I was sorry I hadn't read it earlier.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers and please keep them coming. The news about my sister isn't the greatest, but her primary doctor thinks she has lung cancer, but at only stage 1 or 2--that's actually much more hopeful than the pulmonary fibrosis she was originally diagnosed with.

You're a good soul, SusieQ.

Aww, thanks, Hope

There is a musician who is from a town that I used to live in, and he has a song "Ender Will Save Us All" (weird title, right?) and it is actually about how those books brought him and his best friend back together after they had grown apart. I have been curious about reading them ever since I heard that song years ago. Thought you might find that interesting!

Your sister is lucky to have you. Pls keep us updated!

Actually, Susie, that title makes a lot of sense. Read the books--you'll see!

Super wonderful news! My sister saw a pneumonologist today. He says he doesn't believe she has cancer or pulmonary fibrosis. She has some COPD, asthma, and her pneumonia was caused by a staph infection. (I don't know if it was MRSA--he says there still a pocket of infection left in one of her lungs.)

As for the WH front--meh. DS's 16th birthday was a couple of weeks ago, at the bowling alley. WH came by (guess he found out from a family member). Everyone pretty much ignored him, including our 2 DDs and DS, his sister, nieces, and parents. He was definitely the odd-man-out.

He's only called DS twice a week since then and hasn't seen him at all.

Jerk.

I've been battling depression since then and have had some really low days. I think I may need to get my AD dosage adjusted again, but I'll wait another week and see. If the last week of school (this week!) doesn't lift my spirits, then nothing can.

LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL? Seriously? My kiddos still have 6 more weeks to go.

Good to hear about your sister. I will continue to pray for only good news, and a full recovery for your sister.

Now, as far as you feeling down, of course you do. Seeing your WH will set your clock back to day 1.

What new hobby have you started? What colour are your toe nails? Have you done anything fun with your children lately?

You are creating a new life for yourself. One that can be lived without your WH. I would like to see you not only survivor your WH's A, but THRIVE.

You are doing great. Keep it up. Stay dark and stay focused on creating a new you.

We start earlier every year and last year we began in early August--this year, school will begin on Aug. 5, which I find totally unbelievable. We used to go to Florida every year during the first week of August. I miss lazy days in August.

Thanks, Scottie. It's been a real roller coaster ride, especially for her.

Yep, it sure did. I think I'm also due another increase in my AD--I tend to process them more and more quickly. My doctor says my body is too efficient at getting rid of it, so I'll need to keep upping the dosage.

My new hobby is organizing all of the files from my home and school laptops on one site--dropbox.com. I've had a ball doing it--making files and sorting things out. I also finally finished my Discovery questions and documents and delivered the documents to my attorney's office today.

I find it nearly impossible to make myself do something I don't want to do, as is the case with anything concerning the divorce. I don't want the divorce, but still I must do these incredibly painful things (Discovery is a bear to do, at least it was for me.)

I received an email today from the local university about a master's program in administration that will begin in the fall. It will only take until Dec. 2012 to complete. I'm seriously considering doing it. I wonder if enrolling in it would be considered "wasting marital funds". I'll have to ask the attorney.

If I can, then I'll definitely be working on Thriving and not just Surviving.

Good to hear from you, Scottie. Keep working on what you want to be when you grow up. In education, we don't lie. We just phrase things delicately. We'd never say, "Your child can't ever shut-up." We just say, "Your child loves to socialize so much that this quarter's grades reflect his/her lack of attention to his/her work."

re: your sister YAY YAY YAY!

re: meds adjustment - definitely get it checked out...over the years i increased zoloft quite a few times and finally found a good level.