Prayers answered! So happy there is another diagnosis for her! Granted, she's not out of the woods yet, but that is better. I am so happy. Still praying though.

Your xwh is still learning how it feels to REMAIN wayward. It's really sad when they do. They just harden their hearts and think it's everybody else's problem. He is going to find out over time how this goes. He made his bed now he's got to lay in that filthy thing with somebody equally filthy now!

Do get your AD's checked. NOW IS FOR YOU! It's your time Don't let depression or the situation get you down. I understand. During my D,I had situational depression and it was awful. But I had a hard time briefly on the AD. Made me feel well...blah. Nothing mattered. I just felt lukewarm about everything. Like it made the world less colorful. Good way to put it.

How about this. This week, look in the newspaper or online for something unique and fun to do in your town where you get out. An art gallery? Zoo? Hike? Place to paint pottery (fun)? Getting sushi out with a few girlfriends? (where I met my dh!)

Try ONE new and exciting thing! Just one. Each week. Amaze yourself. And report back to us about what you did! That's an order HnG!!!

Hugs~

Cabbage! Good to hear from you. Thanks for the Yays for my sister.

I'll call my doctor tomorrow and get an appointment. I hate feeling the way I've been for the past 10 days.

Hope -- sending prayers to you, gurl. You rock.

I'm still praying, too. She was planning on coming to TN this weekend, but I think she'll have to put it off for a while. I want her to get better and beat this pneumonia and THEN she can visit.

Can you explain more the part I've highlighted in red? Especially the "still learning how it feels to REMAIN wayward" part. What do you mean?

Hugs back to you, peachy! I'll make a point of trying one new and exciting thing this weekend and reporting back. I may have to go to Nashville to find something to do, but then I'll have a chance to drag one of my DDs along. There is a place in my town where you can make beaded bracelets and necklaces. Maybe I'll try that.

Hope! So glad you checked in. What great news about your sister!

As far as how you have been feeling, have you been getting any exercise in? I have heard it works as good as/better than ADs! If I don't get it in, I feel it immediately...

Anyway, reading Ender now! It's very good, and I can see where it is going with the title...lol {{{{H&G}}}

When my xwh would have to go to joint functions (despite me being in a perpetual plan B/and further to plan D), I would just leave him alone. No fun, no friendly family interactions with him.

I remember being on one side of the soccer field and him and the wistress on the other. Zero interaction. When there was, it was his wistress vs. my friends. My family has minimal interaction with him and preferred to speak to him as little as possible. In fact, once my sis and bil were intermediaries when I was on vacation picking up son from visit with xwh. They said maybe 3 words to him.

Your wh is getting used to seeing how it feels to be on the outside and not getting back in.

After a while, my xwh figured out that if he didn't change, he'd have to live that way and since he married the affairage woman, who was pregnant, he had to thus, remain wayward, which was when he hardened his heart.

He heard none of my son's pleas for him to leave that woman. He ignored my son crying his eyes out at night during visitations. I think the saddest part was when the wistress had to get their nanny (so so privileged they thought they were) to call me b/c my son was screaming in his bed at their home, and crying for me to read him a story and put him to bed. I actually had to come over there to get my son to calm down and ended up taking him with me.

ANY wayward parent who can turn their emotion switch off inside having to deal with that or the hurt and pain of their children HAS a hardened heart. You simply cannot be a loving parent or a normal human if you can ignore those feelings. Like the icy stares of family and friends when he walks in the room. Scary stuff.

When a wayward accepts (a really wayward wayward that is) their role, and they suddenly REALLY UNDERSTAND the reality of what it is they've done (esp if they've left home and abandoned their family) it is quite sad and sobering for them.

He may have a huge lump in his throat whenever he has to be around you or your kids or family. It is beyond uncomfortable for them.

Once my xwh tried to contact my now deceased and beloved grandparents. It was right after our divorce. He happened to be in my hometown w/my son on visitation and he drove to my grandparents' home to visit them. Like nothing ever happened.

My then 82 year old grandpa opened the door a crack, and said "leave my grandson here, YOU leave. I want NOTHING to do with you, but we can't wait to see our grandson. You are NEVER welcome in our home again after what you did to my granddaughter."

They quickly took my son inside, hugged him (son) and slammed the door in my xwh's face. They never spoke to my xwh for the rest of their lives (both passed away in 2010, married happi8ly 70 years). My xwh then called me and yelled at me saying "you MAKE everybody HATE me." Not true. THEY hated who he became. And he thought it was all about him and other people ruining him or hurting him. He never once thought that he hurt people BESIDES MY SON AND I, that loved him too.

He will know what they think of him. Even if they don't utter a word. it's in a look. A stance. A distance. They will feel their affair and sin always if they don't turn from it. That's why he and Dumpy are doomed. Totally doomed. I know I personally couldn't live that way at all. My heart would ache too much to ever put that much hurt on so many people.

Your wh has a choice in life. He right now chooses poorly.

Hey..forgot to tell you, look and see if you can find the latest episode of "Parks and Recreation" on tv! (nbc)

In the episode, there's a side note. A person got let go at work for going beyond crazy as the head of the health dept for the city/park area. Apparently his wife had an affair, and he had official city fliers and posters announce her affair all across the city.

Example:

Susan X is a cheating W(ore. Seek Immediate Medical Attention if You Slept With Her..
~City health Dept.

It was sad, but really funny and I think the guy actually did an awesome exposure in comedy! But shouldn't have used city funds to do so.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/239947/parks-and-recreation-the-fight

It is freakin' hilarious!

Go to 3:21 and watch and laugh:

My favorite signs were:

Jan Cooper (the ficticious wife)
Mayor of Wh(reville

and

Jan Cooper (ficticious person)
Miss Chalymidia 2011!

Here's one sign:

Peachy, thanks for the posts. I'll reply more tomorrow--I accidentally took twice as much blood pressure medicine as I should have and I'm so tired that I can't see straight.

SusieQ--good to see you! I'm glad you're enjoying the book!

<<HG>> sorry you are feeling down. Overall did your ds have a good birthday? I hope you were dressed well and at least appeared happy so that he can see you moving on. (I know that isn't how you feel right now, but sometimes if we project that story, it can be believed)

Your life is so much fuller than his with your loving family. I am not feeling sorry for him, but you are the lucky one in this situation. You didn't cause him this pain and your family, you are doing well by focusing on yourself, and you receive the love of your friends and family while he receives there stares, being ignored not included.

Hang in there H&G!

ba

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts, ba. I think DS did have a good time at his birthday. His favorite gift was a set of 216 small magnets--sometimes he's still a kid, albeit a tall (6'2") 16 year-old one.

DS has been unintentionally breaking my heart. Last week he asked me how was he going to learn to drive. It was a joke in the family that I had taught his sisters to drive and it was his father's responsibility to teach DS's older brother and DS. WH did teach DS25 to drive (nine years ago) and DS knew that his dad would teach him when it was time. Now he knows that's not going to happen. I assured him that I would teach him to drive, but it was a sad statement, too. WH does not realize how much he's hurting DS.

Jerk.

Oh, and, just to say--I looked great (terrific jeans and top) and laughed and had a great time with my kids and extended family. My SiL's husband, who hadn't seen me since WH left me, made a point of coming up to me at one point and giving me a hug. I'm sure WH saw that and knew that it meant Frank was on my side, because Frank, who is very reserved, has never hugged me before.

So there. Take that, WH!

An update:

I didn't realize it has been more than a month since I posted here. I was busy with the end of the school year and mandatory in-service training for the last part of May and first part of June. I have 3 more in-service days in July; we go back to school Aug. 3. And--this is important--my car was in the shop for THREE weeks. I finally got it back yesterday. I missed my wheels.

I've also kept busy printing, laminating, and cutting out task cards for my classroom. I've done a few hundred so far, with another hundred ready to be cut. (Task cards have questions or math problems on them. Students go over them during free time or during their time at workstations.) My goal is to have some task cards for every fourth grade standard.

I've had up days and very down days, but I'm far better than I was. I think one reason I deliberately did not post was that it made me more depressed to do so. I have had some help at other boards I frequent (including my favorite teachers' board), but most of my help has come from my counselor and my sister.

My sister's doctors have finally, once and for all, settled on a diagnosis. Unfortunately, it's not a good one. She does have pulmonary fibrosis (and, also, severe emphysema, something she can't pronounce that causes her bronchi to be limp, and COPD).

This has been my only concern--others' troubles are great for making you forget your own. She's moving back here in mid-July with her husband and four very spoiled dogs.

I have had some fun this summer. I've been out to lunch a few times with co-workers. I'm taking DS16 to my mother-in-law's family reunion on Saturday. My DD30, DS16, and I will spend a week in Gulf Shores, Alabama in mid-July.

So things are going well, but not on the WH-front. Divorce action recommences in July. It's hard to believe the 3-month stay is nearly over. I haven't stayed pitch dark because I don't want to love him when this divorce is over. If he can divorce me, I don't ever want him back.

My attorney is still taking the long road through Divorce Land. It will be months before the divorce is final. Coming up are further depositions, including ones for WH and Dumpy. I get to be there!!! Joy, joy, joy! I think. I will use her deposition as leverage to either get a legal separation with less than what I want monetarily or to get much more than I want monetarily. I'm sure WH will want to spare her the indignity of going to court. (say that last bit sarcastically)

Scotty, as far as taking care of myself, just wait 'til you hear---I dyed my hair. It's the same color I had, but now the gray is gone. I'm rocking it. And I finally got a superb cut from my daughters' stylist. I have to drive over an hour to get my hair done, but it's worth it.

Nice to hear an update Hope, take care of your sister and enjoy your kids and work, you are moving on nicely, keep an open mind and heart, see where life takes you.........

Glad to hear this.......


This, not so much. What exactly do you mean? I will say that I am not really surprised though because usually when someone stays off of the boards for a while, it's because they aren't following the MB plans as they know they should and they don't want to get 2x4'd for it. They KNOW that it is something that they should be doing, but old habits, and all that.

Scotty, seeing WH at the hearing and then later at my deposition was so extremely difficult for me that I began to question whether or not I was making it harder for me to see him when I had to by being pitch black in Plan B.

So, I'm at a point where I don't seek him out. I don't call him. If I run into him, fine. I'm a big girl. I send him a weekly calendar of events for DS, but it's a list only--no asides or comments. He sends back a "this email was read" receipt. This is in accordance with the advice given to me by my lawyer and is one of the automatic injunctions imposed when divorce is filed. I am responsible for keeping him informed.

I have NO EXPECTATIONS that what I'm doing will change my WH. I haven't given up hope, but I'm not running away from seeing him.

The last time I saw him was on Father's Day. DS was out of town, enjoying a "siblings only" weekend in Atlanta. I went to my in-laws to give my father-in-law his Father's Day gift.

Lo and behold, WH shows up with his gift for his father. We exchange hellos, I ask him if Dumpy has left or if she's still in town (my mom saw them together). I smile while he stutters out an answer and go on my merry way.

I need to be this person, who can confront terrible facts and truths, or I'll never make it through the divorce. It's coming. It's soon to be escalating as we get to the nitty gritty of dividing our property and building the case for adultery against him. I have to be strong for myself and my kids.

As peachy has advised, I'm leaving my wayward to God. God will take care of him. I'm taking care of myself.

I am responsible for keeping my WH informed too.
My IM is my vehicle to do so.

I like the rest of your stance about being the person you need to be and having to be strong.

It is just easier when there is no contact other than through a neutral IM.

ITA with Reading. And making that little dig about OW, because that's what that was, was so NOT MB.

You are a grown up and you can do what you wish with your life. Playing these games just leads to Plan F/U and DRAMA. Again, it is YOUR choice. I just KNOW how much better it is in MB and Plan B. My heart aches for you and I am sad.