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anne505 #2454942 12/21/10 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by anne505
Originally Posted by beginagain
Anne,

How did you get dirtbag's passwords? If he didn't give them to you, I wouldn't expose how you got the information...different states have different laws. Here in NJ, I think you can even get in trouble for unauthorized access into a spouses e-mail because they had an expectation of privacy.

ba

Yes, this is something I have considered and it's one of the many reasons why I'm being so careful about this. I don't have passwords to DB's email acount with his real name but I do have the passwords for several accounts he has opened using all fake information (name, birthdate, address, etc.). I don't know if that makes a difference or not. As for WH, I have access to his email account because he told me the password (although I doubt he remembers that he did this).

Anne

I wondered about that yesterday....if you should protect yourself from admitting you hacked his account...Can you set up an anonymous email account and contact her that way with limited information so that it is not apparent that it came from you? Although here is the thing....once you confront your own WH, they will both KNOW you also told DB's BW. I don't know. Tough call.

Maybe you should just send her an anonymous email now that says, 'You husband is involved in multiple affairs. Do not confront him. You should quietly hire a PI and gather your own evidence.'

Honestly, that might be enough to satisfy my sense of obligation if I were you. Because if she doesn't snoop on her own and confirm after she is already suspicious and gets an email like that...then maybe she is one of those who doesn't want to know.

anne505 #2454944 12/21/10 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by anne505
I don't ask WH questions any more so they don't seem to be at all worried about me suspecting anything. Anne

I find this interesting...how narcisistic must your WH be to not even notice that you have stopped asking questions. He thinks you are so stupid. And that he is so smart. And that he has you right where he wants you.

I can't wait for the exposure on this one.

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
then maybe she is one of those who doesn't want to know.

It is my feeling that she is one of those who doesn't want to know. She has confronted him on several different occasions and has allowed him to talk his way out of it. Honestly the stories he tells her are so outrageous that they are almost comical. However, I do feel the need to let her know what I know. It's just a matter of how much I share with her and in what manner I convey it. I have time to figure it out. The board has been such a good resource that I thought I would run it by everyone here and see what they say.

Anne

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Originally Posted by anne505
I don't ask WH questions any more so they don't seem to be at all worried about me suspecting anything. Anne

I find this interesting...how narcisistic must your WH be to not even notice that you have stopped asking questions. He thinks you are so stupid. And that he is so smart. And that he has you right where he wants you.

I can't wait for the exposure on this one.

I think that's part of it. He seems to forgotten that before I was a stay-at-home-PTA mom, I was an independent woman working full-time while going to graduate school and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I think he will end up being sorry that he underestimated me.

It's also a matter of him being an ostrich about difficult situations. He has a bad habit of ignoring problems and hoping they will go away. That's probably one of the reasons we are in this situation in the first place. In this case, he will get his wish. He has ignored me long enough and I am most certainly going away.

Anne

anne505 #2459055 01/02/11 04:40 PM
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Happy New Year!

So there has been a development but not in my own situation. One of WH's Dirtbag Friends' women found out who he really was and called him and let him have it (on his fake phone, of course). She has not confronted the W and I am unsure if she is able to do that (don't know if she can get his phone number, address, etc.). He is scared and has closed out the email and Facebook account that he used to communicate with her. He told WH that he is "retiring" but leaving a 2% window that he could "make a comeback this spring". They went on to discuss new names for him so I'm assuming he is just going to lay low until this most recent scare blows over. As far as I know, DB's W knows nothing of these recent events.

Here is my dilemma. I have this women's phone number, address and email and could easily contact her to find out what happened and give her some answers. I am not yet ready to confront my own WH so I'm unsure of what to do next. I thought I would toss this lastest development out there for all of you so you could give me some feedback. My own situation is my first priority and I will do nothing to jeopardize that. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Anne

anne505 #2459058 01/02/11 04:49 PM
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How much longer until you expose your own WH?

I would contact her. You don't have to tell her who you are. I would just tell her 'here is the name and number of DB's wife. She has the right to know what a cheater her husband is and it would be better if she hears the truth from you first hand.'

He makes me sick.

Hope you are well.


Originally Posted by anne505
Happy New Year!

So there has been a development but not in my own situation. One of WH's Dirtbag Friends' women found out who he really was and called him and let him have it (on his fake phone, of course). She has not confronted the W and I am unsure if she is able to do that (don't know if she can get his phone number, address, etc.). He is scared and has closed out the email and Facebook account that he used to communicate with her. He told WH that he is "retiring" but leaving a 2% window that he could "make a comeback this spring". They went on to discuss new names for him so I'm assuming he is just going to lay low until this most recent scare blows over. As far as I know, DB's W knows nothing of these recent events.

Here is my dilemma. I have this women's phone number, address and email and could easily contact her to find out what happened and give her some answers. I am not yet ready to confront my own WH so I'm unsure of what to do next. I thought I would toss this lastest development out there for all of you so you could give me some feedback. My own situation is my first priority and I will do nothing to jeopardize that. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Anne

anne505 #2459060 01/02/11 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by anne505
He told WH that he is "retiring" but leaving a 2% window that he could "make a comeback this spring". Anne

This part made me particularly ill. My XH used that expression on IMs to my cousin....'I thought I was retired'....ugh...retired from being a big fat liar and cheater?

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
How much longer until you expose your own WH?

Ideally, I would like to put off any confrontation for at least a few more months. Mostly because I still need some time to get myself set up finacially (this part of things is going very well but it's a slow process). I also do not want to confront until my mom has finished her treatment and we find out the resutls. As she will be my babysitter once I go back to work, she is an important part of my plan. I'd also like to wait until my baby is a bit older.

The woman I was thinking of calling about Dirtbag has been posting warnings about him on dontdatehimgirl.com and craigslist. She seems to have enough information so I decided not to contact her. I guess she posted something on Craigslist that said, "Does anyone know Jane Dirtbag? Someone needs to warn her." DB's wife saw it and confronted him but he talked his way out of it. She will believe anything he says. Craigslist has removed the post.

WH and DB have been going nuts trying to find out how she knew. They are doing LOTS of detective work. It's almost entertaining to watch and listen while they work so hard to cover DB's tracks. DB has shut down his email account and dating profile. He is scared but still talking about making a "comeback" in spring. Throughout all of this, WH is spending hours helping him cover it up and try to find out how she found out the truth. He's been super affectionate and attentive this week. Not to worry, I'm not letting the act he puts on at home fool me. I know who he really is and what he's really like.

I thought you would appreciate an update. Is it just me or does it sound like I'm dealing with two high school buddies and not two 40-year-old men - one of whom is a professional and a married father of 3?

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season!

Anne

anne505 #2460796 01/06/11 03:11 PM
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Originally Posted by anne505
The woman I was thinking of calling about Dirtbag has been posting warnings about him on dontdatehimgirl.com and craigslist. She seems to have enough information so I decided not to contact her. I guess she posted something on Craigslist that said, "Does anyone know Jane Dirtbag? Someone needs to warn her." DB's wife saw it and confronted him but he talked his way out of it. She will believe anything he says.

Unreal. And there is your answer....I think you are off the hook as far as informing her.


Originally Posted by anne505
WH and DB have been going nuts trying to find out how she knew. They are doing LOTS of detective work. It's almost entertaining to watch and listen while they work so hard to cover DB's tracks. DB has shut down his email account and dating profile. He is scared but still talking about making a "comeback" in spring. Throughout all of this, WH is spending hours helping him cover it up and try to find out how she found out the truth.


Their relationship is creepy.

THanks for the update....I'm amused by their fear...I'd love to see the look on their faces when you expose.

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SW - I think you are right and I do feel that I'm off the hook where DB's wife is concerned. DB's girlfriend posted this on Craiglist:

If anyone knows a person by the name of "Jane Dirtbag", please let her know her husband is a CHEATER!!! He goes by the name of Dirtbag on an online dating site!!

The subject was "Cheating Husband"

DB's wife saw this post (someone on Facebook alerted her to it). She confronted DB and he told her that he and a friend were playing a joke on this woman and that it went too far but he never met her and nothing ever happened with her and she's just trying to get back at him. DB's wife chooses to believe him. She even went so far as to report the post as harassment and have it removed.

And yes, I agree...creepy!

Dirtbag's "retirement" was short lived. He and WH are busy trying to think of a new fake name and plan for him so that he can resume his cheating ways. He and WH are super ticked off at that woman for posting about him on craigstlist and dontdatehimgirl.com. The nerve of her to call him out on his lies, right? They don't know this yet but the woman added another post recently and used DB's real name. They are going to blow up when they see that.

As for me, things are going well. I had plans to go back to school but there was a glitch so now I need to figure out something else to do. I want to have a decent career when I leave so that I can earn a good living once I'm a single mom. My kids are amazing and my mom is doing really well. Once I determine my career path, I will be well on my way.

I hope all is well for everyone else!

Anne

anne505 #2474947 02/10/11 02:52 PM
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Anne, I just now realized you changed your name! I like it though.

How are things going? What does your husband think about you going back to school/work eventually?

I know you have probably discussed this with your attorney, but would you not be better off to file while you are unemployed? Ask for alimony so you can support yourself while you get the schooling you want. Can you live with your mom while you go back to school?

Hope you and your kid are gret.

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Anne, I just now realized you changed your name! I like it though.

Hi SW, what a pleasant surprise! I'm actually sorry for the name change but I felt the need to do that for security reasons. I'm sorry if it made it hard to find me.

Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
How are things going? What does your husband think about you going back to school/work eventually?

He didn't say much - he never does. If he has an opinion about it, I'm sure he's shared it with Dirtbag and not me. But I doubt he has done that since he's been way too busy telling DB how badly he wants to [censored] his new secretary. Apparently, she's a very hot, 24-year-old with nice t*ts and a great @$$.

Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
I know you have probably discussed this with your attorney, but would you not be better off to file while you are unemployed? Ask for alimony so you can support yourself while you get the schooling you want. Can you live with your mom while you go back to school?

Actually, it was my lawyer who suggested I go back to school. I won't be guaranteed a job once I'm done and she feels like she can still get me support. And this way, he pays for school.

Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Hope you and your kid are gret.

We are doing well. Today isn't the easiest day of the year but things are getting better all the time.

BrightFuture

PS - I almost forgot the best part. WH wants to start wearing his wedding ring again (he hasn't worn it for at least seven out of the 11 years we've been married). He told DB that they have are better off wearing them because they will get more action with them on. That way "the girls will know we won't bite. We might tickle, but we won't bite." What a prince, huh ladies?



anne505 #2506294 05/06/11 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by anne505
BrightFuture

PS - I almost forgot the best part. WH wants to start wearing his wedding ring again (he hasn't worn it for at least seven out of the 11 years we've been married). He told DB that they have are better off wearing them because they will get more action with them on. That way "the girls will know we won't bite. We might tickle, but we won't bite." What a prince, huh ladies?

Hey Friend,

How are you? Anything new? You first posted over a year ago....I don't know how you have hung on so long.


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Hi Snoopy!

How are you doing? Do you have an update?

Hope you and the kiddos are doing well!

mindshare #2512650 05/25/11 09:19 AM
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Hi all! Thanks for asking about me. I don't check in here much so it's alwasy nice to see some friendly messages. I'm doing really well and have been really busy. The kids are great and we are busy making plans for summer.

SW, it has been a long time, hasn't it? I know many on here questioned my methods and urged me to confront early on. I see now what a huge mistake that would have been. I feel so good about things right now and am really so thankful I choose this path. Things have a way of working out for the best and they certiainly are in my situation. I've gone through some incredible changes over the past year and I can honestly say that it's made me a better person.

Thanks again for checking on me. It's always nice to know that others care. I hope everyone is doing well!

Anne

anne505 #2542512 09/08/11 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by anne505
Hi all! Thanks for asking about me. I don't check in here much so it's alwasy nice to see some friendly messages. I'm doing really well and have been really busy. The kids are great and we are busy making plans for summer.

SW, it has been a long time, hasn't it? I know many on here questioned my methods and urged me to confront early on. I see now what a huge mistake that would have been. I feel so good about things right now and am really so thankful I choose this path. Things have a way of working out for the best and they certiainly are in my situation. I've gone through some incredible changes over the past year and I can honestly say that it's made me a better person.

Thanks again for checking on me. It's always nice to know that others care. I hope everyone is doing well!

Anne

Just looking for an update Anne....hoping you and your children are doing well.

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I've thought of you too, Anne. You seemed to make it clear that you're comfortable with your husband having his own life as long as your life isn't disrupted. Has that changed?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Anne,
I had been following this thread and wondering where things stood.

I hope things are better now.

xcuseme #2752369 08/30/13 04:13 PM
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Oh my goodness, I see it's been a long time since I last posted. I'm still married yet constantly planning for the day when I no longer am. I continue to follow my lawyer's advice. My mother lost her battle with cancer in 2012. The Dirtbag friend who caused so many issues was killed in an auto accident about a month ago. My children are wonderful and I'm hopeful about my future (even though I'm not exactly sure what it looks like). It's been a long time so I'm not sure how many will remember me but I hope that you are all doing well!

Anne

anne505 #2752399 08/30/13 06:48 PM
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How's the marriage, Anne?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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