Yeah, why go into a lot of detail about whether you were "really" separated, "kind of" separated or whatever.

Just say you're married and don't get into a bunch of Bill Clinton meaning of "is" is stuff.

I've read your edits and I think I see what you mean, so I'll make some changes to the letter. I'm just kind of in overload right now.

Yesterday was a horrible day because of that Facebook photo, which apparently became a huge deal. People were talking about it. People were calling me and texting me and telling me stuff. I was telling them not to(I actually had to text one of my best friends "STOP!" so she would get it), but not before I had already heard or read some of it that made me physically ill, like about all the POSITIVE comments by people about the picture and their relationship. Then I one of my best friends called and confronted the wife of that other couple in the picture (who used to be my friends, but are enabling this relationship). She did this on her own, because they all go to the same church and she is livid because their behavior is so hypocritical. It seemed no matter what I did, I couldn't get away from it and it stirred everything up for me. I'm still reeling from it all. The end of last week was terrible because of the thing with my kids (which is still a conflict and only on hiatus because he's out of town) and now this (which believe was retaliation for him losing visitation, due to some of the circumstances around it, but I won't go into that all unless someone wants me to). I haven't been able to eat in almost a week.

I just want it to stop. I want him to leave me alone. I am NOT the one who is responsible for his unhappiness, but he keeps trying to take it out on me. None of this makes any sense to me; if he doesn't want to be with me, it is what it is. But then why punish me for the same?

I need to clarify that I did not think it was okay for him to date. What I believed were his stories that she was a crazy, out-of-control b-tch who was only out for revenge against him.

I met with two more lawyers this week. On Wednesday, I met with a man who handled my close friend's divorce. She had described him as "aggressive, but not overly arrogant like some are." I liked him a lot. (And not just because he told me I was doing everything right. ) He told me even though technically there are no legal grounds for keeping OW away from my kids, we could definitely do it. He was very confident about everything. He said that right now it seemed to make sense just to wait and just see what happens with everything, which is kind of where I am mentally and emotionally, so I was glad he said that. He's in the next large town over (about 30-40 min away) and it's also in a different county, so that is a downside.

I met with a woman yesterday who practices in my own town. She focused a lot more on the finances of our situation (and less on custody, which she said right now was sort of a non-issue until WH makes a move), which like I said are complicated and potentially bad. Right now, WH is robbing Peter to pay Paul and it's going to come crashing down soon. She said that if he decides to stop giving me his entire paycheck to support our original household (he's trying to live off his supplemental income from his second job, but also took out a personal loan so I know it's not going well), that we may have to consider bankruptcy in order to get divorced. It hadn't even occurred to me and although I hate the idea, when she explained things it made sense. I do NOT want to do that. I won't be able to buy a house for me and my boys then. I like her common sense approach, but she seemed somehow less assertive and confident, especially when it came to dealing with my husband because of what he does for a living (like I said, very male dominated profession). She kept saying things about how the men in his profession tend to be very controlling, etc.

The only thing I heard from WH all week was that he texted my IM on Wednesday and asked when he could call to talk to the kids. He hasn't done this ONE SINGLE TIME since all of this started in November. He has gone at least two weeks without talking to them before. I don't know if this was him really missing them or him just trying to make a point with me that he was missing them or a combination of both. Either way, who cares? I told her to tell him to call the house phone (which we rarely use) not my cell phone. Then I showed DS5 how to answer. While they talked to their dad, I made no attempt to supervise or guide the conversation like I usually do when they are on the phone with someone. From the other room it sounded like ten minutes of confusion and chaos (there even seemed to be some wrestling between my boys at one point ). Then DS3 brought me the phone in his outstretched hand and I just hung it up.

WH told our tenant he is supposed to get back late tonight. She had told him she thought she'd be done moving by today, but said now she thinks she needs Saturday, too, and was going to text him that. She said she will give me the keys. I want to get in there and take pictures and maybe video, because the more she tells me about the house and how she basically didn't do any of the maintenance she was supposed to do, I really think it might not be safe for my boys to be there. Which will be another battle. I have a babysitter tomorrow afternoon for a hair appointment, so I am planning on going to the rental house afterwards to check it out while I still have the babysitter because I can't take the boys there. (She said even if she's not done moving at that time, I can come over then.) I want to get in and out before he finds out.

DS3's birthday party is Sunday and I invited WH's family (but not him obviously). Only the sister I am closest to can come with her daughter (10). I am not sure I will have the chance to talk to her while she is here, but I am going to try to get at least a few minutes alone with her because I would like to expose this newest affair face-to-face before I send her the email and she lives 100 miles away so this might be my only chance for a while.

Eleven more days of school left. I am in a pretty bad place mentally and emotionally right now, not a single thing seems to be going my way these days, and every single day at work is torture. Summer break is the light at the end of my tunnel, but intellectually I know it's not really going to change anything.

DONE.

Thanks for the suggestion. Obviously I am still not thinking clearly, because I usually wouldn't make that kind of mistake. Ugh.

Oh Hun, hang in there.

I don't know what else to say to you right now except give you some support.

There is one question I have though, about this new round of exposure. Did you do it all at once? Exposure should be done all at once, and when you are in Plan B, it's even more important so you can move on with your healing. Just a thought.

You're doing good. Just keep strong and stay dark.

When school is out, what kinds of fun things do you have planned with the kiddos?

THANKS!

Then should I wait to expose to SIL? Because I haven't done the FB exposure yet. It's just been a miserable, crazy week where I've gotten home late every night and have been exhausted and depressed. Because I've been so down again, thinking about him or this situation at all just makes me even more depressed and I've been avoiding thinking about it at all. I know that's not very productive, but it's the only way I've been able to function this week.

In terms of exposure for this newest A, my family knows, my MIL knows (but is 2,000 miles away and STILL hasn't confronted him, even by phone!) and our local friends all know (apparently though, the whole town knows and it talking about it now). I don't think any of our friends have confronted him, even though I have asked them. Most people seem to just want to "stay out of it." Nice friends, huh? It's the culture of this area. I do have a couple of friends that are planning to confront him, but they have to wait for him to get back to town.

This summer I'm planning on doing a TON of stuff to the house to get it ready to sell. And my BFF/IM and I are going to take the kiddos camping a lot (she's a teacher and off in the summer, too).

H, you are doing just GREAT! I am so proud of you for getting on board!! I just knew you could do it. I know you feel down today, but I promise you that if you stick with it like you are, that you will start feeling better soon. The longer you are away from his crap, the better you feel.

I would get your exposures done as soon as possible, especially to the OW's family so you can get this part done. You need to get this done so you can focus on staying dark and learning how to enjoy your life without your wayward husband.

You are doing great and are proactive and STANDING UP FOR YOUR KIDS AND MARRIAGE!

Def get the exposure done asap on posow's family. You need to do it and focus on being as dark as you can.

Praying for you, and yes, it IS hard doing plan B w/small kids, as I had to do that. You stick to your guns and you fire them when necessary!

You are an awesome mother bear taking care of her cubs! My hat is off to you Blessings for a peaceful weekend.

Yesterday I had a birthday party for DS3. SIL and her husband came, so I exposed this newest A to them (which required an update of what's gone on since the beginning of the year). They said they have had no communication with him in five months. BIL (who used to be his best friend; that's how he met SIL) said he received one text message from WH in the last five months and he just hit delete. SIL said a month or so ago she texted him and said something along the lines of "Haven't heard from you in months. How are you doing? I'm worried about you." and she said his response was "Please don't make this about you." So she has not contacted him since.

SIl said she would try to get in touch with him and tell him to leave the kids out of it. However, she is very passive just like my MIL, so I kind of doubt she does anything. BIL was still sticking to his opinion that he developed after one conversation with WH in December that WH and I BOTH were responsible for the downfall of our marriage (he's pretty much a selfish jerk who believes he's always right) but that WH was wrong to try to get out of it this way. Seriously. What a jerk. Anyway, he said he would say something to WH "if he got the chance." So, basically he's useless. They're all useless.

In other news, if you recall, WH is evicting the tenant who has been living in our old house for six years so that he can move in there. She's an acquaintance of ours and we had a deal that she would only pay rent that covered the mortgage and she would do all the maintenance. I'm sure you can see where this is going...

We have not even been in the house in a couple years. She is almost completely moved out and he is supposed to take possession this week. Yesterday she met me at the house and let me see the inside. O! M! G! It is almost condemnable. It's a 100 year old house. She clearly has done no maintenance at all in a couple of years. The furnace died and can't be fixed anymore. The air conditioning went out last summer. The kitchen appliances are all gone, because she said she's been having major electrical problems that destroyed them. She had to replace the hot water heater she said because the old one caught fire. The bathroom plumbing is leaking through the kitchen ceiling. And the entire house is FILTHY. I mean disgusting. She clearly hasn't cleaned in months (he originally told her to get out in December). Everything was covered in dust and grime. She has three dogs and four cats and there were animal feces and urine everywhere. I can't believe she was even willing to let me in there and then could look me in the face! There is no point in suing her because she is totally broke and has no assets.

There is ABSOLUTELY no way he can move in there. It's in Hazmat condition. She let me take pictures, so I have proof of how terrible the condition is case he thinks he's taking the kids there. Even once he gets it cleaned up (if that's even possible), I want it to be cleared by an inspector. Which he's going to again view as me trying to control him and tell him what to do, when it is really only about the kids. Ugh.

My IM got an email from WH today. Before he left on his business trip he said if we didn't come to a resolution about visitation, he was going to a lawyer the Monday he was back (today).

She wants help picking through and editing the email (which I assume means it's pretty bad). I'm setting her up an email account and will give her MelodyLane's and Scotland's email addresses which I already have. She did say the gist of it is that he will not agree with my proposal (not sure if that's her language or his). She also said he wants to know when she sends it to me (I assume so he knows when I receive his "threats.")

Let him see a lawyer.

Don't say that to IM but be thinking it.

Oh, I am not scared or upset about him seeing a lawyer. He's said that to her before and it has freaked her out, but I've said to her "Where does he see this as being headed?" Right now, it's just the waiting for the other shoe to drop that's killing me.

Well I'd love for this man to go before a judge to explain why the h*ll he has abandoned his family for a piece of skank that lives 2k miles away? The judge will love all the stupid reasons and spin..NOT!!!

Let him try. Let him. Him seeing a lawyer is like handing the wayward a shovel. Another shovel. So that way he'll dig the hole he is digging into 2x faster!!! Let him! It is a good way to kill the affair faster.

You see, when faced with all the legalities, how expensive divorce is, how they won't have custody, how the OW WILL BE SUBPOENAE'D (yes, if it comes to any court hearing you better do that! It will kill the affair so fast! OW hate this. Like water on the wicked witch o the west!)the affair WILL DIE!!! And legalities and making the waywards' life and affair COMPLICATED AND NOT FUN ANYMORE will solidify everything. When the ow sees that she's got a broke, no family, walkin' the block, om with a stinky urine soaked house, no kids, and has to herself TELL HER NASTY INDESCRETIONS IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS of people, she will rethink her life position (and the other positions posow twist themselves into...evil laugh!)

Be mean to the affair! MAKE it no fun, expensive, worse than going to a dentist to have ten root canals, make it EMBARASSING, and most of all, let the posow know she's gonna find herself IN COURT!!!!

Let the wayward to see a lawyer. When and if he does, you ramp things up like Lance Armstrong all juiced up with a needle, and you roll out your plan to ruin the affair and make him wish he had never ever strayed.

And make the other woman wish she were any other woman in the world BUT HERSELF. Make it THAT bad.

My IM is sending an email now. Can ML or Scotty please let me know when they reply so I can tell her to check her email (she has to go make dinner )? Thanks!

(Apparently there is a TON of stuff his lawyer told him in it. I am tempted for her to say "Yeah, well Hyacinth has talked to THREE lawyers and they all said... But I don't want to get into a p-ssing match with him. However, if he thinks I'm just going to do whatever HIS lawyer tells me to do, he's got another think coming.)

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you do what he/his stupid lawyer are requesting. Just go quiet. Then slam him with the truth from YOUR LAWYERS. He won't see it coming.

Like the movie (an old one but a very very good one), "Run Silent..Run Deep".

Do not be intimidated by any threats. When a wayward gets really desperate (like when their vile actions and secret double life are about to be exposed and they are about to lose $ to fund their skanky affair and the ow/om is about to be subpoenae'd to take the stand) they go crazy trying to make you think they have any remnant whatsoever of the upper hand.

It is the rantings of a desperate fool. So never believe it. Let your lovely IM's handle that for you, and you simply forward the email to YOUR ATTORNEYS. Tell them to go for his jugular. And then disengage. Again, making the affair so miserable, so poor, so un-fun is the goal besides 1)you getting sole custody 2)you getting as much cs and ss as you can and 3)you having peace of mind.

Hugs to you! You're doing great!

Got it and responded!