NW - Great to hear that you guys are headed in the right direction. It gives people like me hope, when we get read things like that.

Well, I sure used to be and my wife was the opposite. Sometime during the last year it kind of flipped for me so me and W are usually on the same page in the "try not to worry too much" department. Go figure.

No bill collectors (yet?), but we took a serious financial hit when she quit her job. But I knew up front that it was the price that was going to have to be paid at the time. I don't regret it, but do regret several piss-poor financial decisions that we made in the past.

Ahh, well, if I can at least teach my kids what *not* to do...

Thanks Andy. I still haven't given up on your other half yet.

NW - Thanks. I haven't given up on her yet either - in the medium to long term. I have given up on her in the short term. I just can't envision her NOT moving out. She's too stubborn and prideful NOT to do it. She HAS to do it, in her mind. She has to prove to herself that she can do it. After that, it's anyone's guess. I gave her another foot rub yesterday afternoon. This from the same woman that doesn't want me to touch her. Yeah, go figure. It's still plan A until she moves out.

T/J -

Andy, I think its for the best. You probably need a Plan B. Gosh, I hate to admit that / say that. But it could be for the best. Honestly, I hope she does well -- that it doesn't all fall apart. That she is strong and confident and things work out... AND,,, AND!!! that she realizes she misses you and made a mistake.

If she comes back to you just because she can't handle the job, house, money... everything.... How will you feel? Superior? "Told you so?" Is that what you want? Will you respect and admire her?

No kidding!
I was a big fat stress ball about finances. Made me so mad that I had to do all the work and the finances and she did much of the spending and we kept climbing in debt. What I realized made me the maddest is she had no initiative to help me out? To ask? To review the finances with me once in a while.

Now... I couldn't give a damn. We're gonna be fine. I might lose my job... Our debt might crawl up... we'll just take our nestegg, live for a few years until I get a new job... sell the big house and live in an apartment. We might be happier without all this useless crap.

Spending on sitters, date night, my wife's hobbies, several hundred in therapy co-pays each month.... doesn't bother me one little bit anymore.

The money stress is just gone !

Hey Stretch! This isn't about me feeling superior or anything like that. This is about my WW coming to the realization that her M is worth an attempt at recovery. That her DS is worth it. That she can't be a teenager the rest of her life. She will earn my respect back, when I see her make rational, medium to long term decisions. Those decisions could include or exclude me and our family. For example, a woman who has an elevated risk of cancer should be thinking about a job with health benefits. A woman who claims to love her DS more than anything in the world, but won't even attempt to recover her marriage is lying to herself, IMVHO.

I'm here because I want her back. I love that woman with all my heart. However, it's now gotten to the point where I have to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

The analogy of the drunk is quite applicable. She has to move out and try life on her own, without 24/7 access to her son and working full time to pay bills and do the things she wants. Then she'll either sink or swim on her own. If she swims, she's probably gone, but she might be too proud to ask for help when she's sinking. She wants a friendly divorce, where she can 'use' me as a sounding board and a crutch. I, on the other hand, would get nothing in return except heartbreak. All I would see in the short term is what could have been. Is that fair? No, it is not. See where I'm going here?

It isn't about I-told-you-so's - those opportunities will come. He11 they have come and I've let them go for the most part. This is about what's best for DS, me AND her.

Best case would be that she swims AND makes the rational decision to recover marriage, family and DS?

Even better, that all that happens without Plan B.

NW - we'll stop the t/j now. LOL.

Stretch - I agree, it would be an awesome outcome, but we're asking an aweful of someone that's extremely foggy. Let's just say, I'm not holding my breath on that happening in the short term.

Hey guys, no worry about the t/j-- I wasn't using it

A decent weekend, our son played his first baseball game on Saturday. It's kind of funny watching 5/6 year olds play, they all kind of just run around trying to catch the ball, leaving the bases untended but no one's keeping score.

Anyways, DS calls out that the neighbor's son is on the other team so wife and I walk over to speak to the dad. His wife left him about a year ago for another guy and they later divorced. The dad kept the house and, between the two, was always the more normal IMO.

So the dad is there with his new girlfriend and...the ex-wife...and the dad flat-out does not like his ex because of what she did. He's in this permanent "Plan B" kind of thing with her. So it's an awkward moment. So wife talks to ex-wife, I talk to the dad and girlfriend. On the way home, W mentions that ex-wife said she kind of likes "this new girlfriend but wishes she wasn't so freaking hands on with her children." I kind of laughed, said "Well maybe she should have thought about that before leaving her husband." Probably a LB to say that, but it kind of slipped out.

Some waywards never learn, I guess.

just checking in... hows it going?

Hey chickadee,

I think we're more on-track than not if that makes any sense

Sometimes it takes a conscious effort to *not* fall back into the old habits but flare-ups (troubles, problems, anything really) seem to be handled better than they have been in the past. Our main struggle has been keeping up the UA time.

It's bumpy sometimes but less bumpy as time goes on.

Going to the beach for a week in July and we're really looking forward to the break. I swear, if I had a million bucks, some beachfront property and no regard for hurricanes, you'd never see my butt again!

I swear, if I had a million bucks, some beachfront property and no regard for hurricanes, you'd never see my butt again!

So you're not referencing "clothing-optional-beach"-front property!

Imagine our relief!

LOL, nope. We do have some standards down here!

happy for you! i would do it in a heartbeat, as my h said, lets move and go from all the cr8p. clothing is a must on our beach. please check in, you have helped me thru so much. and move your dang thread already, so many other have and i am jumping back and forth.

yes i said dang. look in on mikesmile- i think he need the he-man woman- haters club ( ha, ha- if you hated a woman you wouldnt be here- so clean up the dorm- you boys have work to do)

Hi Nwood! Excited for you and yours going on vacation! I sure do need one! Thanks for all your support!

Torn

Hadn't thought of moving my thread to Recovery, thanks for the positive thought!

Yep, you said dang. And didn't you say "y'all" a few weeks back? You're slipping there, chickadee!

I'm on page two of mikesmile's thread. Wow, he's been handed one rough ride.

Not sure how much support I've given, but I'll take the vote of confidence and say "you're welcome!"

Trust me, the fact that every time I post, you take time to say something , anything , helps me. I want answers to everything NOW, but everyone here helps me to focus on what's important. So I applaud your recovery and hope the best for you and yours!

Thanks for the well wishes, I appreciate it.

Yeah, patience can be a real "bish" sometimes