I did, and frankly, your apology email was terrible. You should never talk to your wife about her faults when you apologize for yours.

You had an angry outburst.

That's your fault.

I suggest you make a new apology and apologize just for that and leave her faults out of it. I can't possibly emphasize the importance of this enough to you.

Tell me how you realy feel? Dont hold back.

I agree with Jim. The pen and paper in particular is a good idea.

CV

Just had a great bday dinner for her with the kids. We are going to get thru this. Our recovery is in the future so what was was. Im sure there'll be a revelation here and there and but she's confident as much as possible I wont go off the deep end. I taking all the advice and as I said we're using her bday as a redo.

We have tomorrow night alone and day 2 of the redo will even better. Trying to change my attitude, trying to move away from the contempt and resentment as much as 18-19 days out from d-day will let you. Someone said its a 3-week thing where the initial shock of the A begins to ebb. I will take that.

I do love her. And we have a lot in common, we both didnt like the person she was and we are committed to the future. Thanks to all of you for the brutal honesty, forthright advice, and best wishes.

I will keep you posted on how we do.

I feel like a mental patient.

At some point we all do. But we're here to be your straightjacket and rubber-room to prevent you from hurting yourself.

The next time you feel an AO coming on STOP!

Disengage, come here. AO at us! Hey, I'm a big boy, direct it at me personally - my mascara won't run!

MikeSmile,

I hope you have a great weekend! Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but me thinks you are mistaking the "light" for the headlight. You have 1000 positive things in front of you! But, I sense that you're not being realistic in this "recovery". Oh, one millions times possible, and I wish that for you!!!

Had to share honestly. Others will weigh in. I may be WAY off as NeverGuessed hasn't thrown a foul (yes, on purpose) flag where as I am. ? I may be way off base. I dunno. Seems like too much too soon. Thus, mistakes.

Oh. Good Lord, yes. Mike, please don't assume you two are good to go. You SO are not. Do you understand that?

Uh-huh. So, what are you doing to avoid the next affair? Are you planning to use any of the tools here? WHAT IS YOUR PLAN TO RECOVER YOUR MARRIAGE.

"Getting back to 'normal' is NOT an acceptable answer.

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN.

You cannot go back to the marriage that led to the affair.

Did you?

1. yes Ive apologized for the blow outs sans the condescending reasons for them, we are both aware of why and Im learning its taking major steps backwards to rehash them at every turn. forward growth, from you say and Im hearing, starts by moving forward from the past.

2. I know we're going to have bad times as naive as Iam some huge ways, I do see the probability of some episodes. Its up to me to walk away, come here or go to my car, work out my problem and move forward.

3. And more than anything else, I am not saying we're healed and life is like it was pre-A. Its not. And it never will be because pre-A time lead to this. We are in the process all of you are in. We've stepped up some the easy things like affection, conversation, and others, but I will not say we are healed. I still get the flushed feeling throughout my body at times when I think about it, even this morning in fact. I still have astonishment at the level of deception she was willing and able to maintain. I still have issue with many, many things. But, you all have guided in the best direction to succeed, unfortunately I didnt always listen.

4. The marriage that was isnt. Its different. Im different. Ive made declarations and decisions I formerly never got involved in which in hindsight was a big problem. I am not over what happened to us! I am however over hurting her more than she hurts already.

Mike, you are very, very early into recovery. You are going to be going through some emotions and actions in the coming days that you haven't envisioned yet. Please stay here and keep us posted on your progress. I am concerned about you.

Forgive me if you have answered this 100 million times already, Mike, but have you ordered or read any of the Marriage Builders books?

Have you been reading the online articles?

I suggest that if you haven't, that you begin to. And I mean REALLY read them.

Print them out, and read them with a pen and possibly a highlighter in hand. Make notations on the things that do and don't make sense. On those that you struggle with understanding, make your notations to ask here.

Righty o?

"Forgive me if you have answered this 100 million times already, Mike, but have you ordered or read any of the Marriage Builders books?

Have you been reading the online articles?"

Yes, been reading a lot of the online material. Bought a couple of the books earlier in the week. Im in the program. We're striving.

Still dont know how to make those boxes you guys make with others' quotes in there. Im fairly computer literate too.

The box above? Click the "quote" button. it should automatically quote the text you are replying to.

Woohoo. Its all coming together now.

Don't be afraid to check out that happy face icon on the top left of the reply box.

I dont know all about this program yet, but I saw on the refridgerator 2 pictures of my WW each with one of our kids wearing that insane bracelet he gave her. I did a cursory look around the house and those seem to be the only 2. They are pictures of our kids in class bdays a few year back.

I here to cool down. Shes at work and wont be back for another 90 mins. Yes, I got a little of that "thing" that happens. I stopped, breathed, thought it through, took a pill, and now Im here.

Dont want to ruin tonight. Do I take the pictures down without telling her? (Caveat-Im sure if I went through albums and all our pictures that bracelot would be on her often. It was very nice.) Do I show her and ask her if she'd like it down and if she say OK, do I take the high road and demand it stay up? Be the bigger person?

You know, only 2 people (now 3) knew that thing was not bought by me. So when she wore with it me, I was the giver, in theory. Nope, cant hang my hat on that. Nevermind.

Not sure what to do, I loved those pictures with and my boy and her with my daughter.

Does the program say they come down? Do I do it discreetly? I think she'd notice 2 different photos changed anyway.

I wait for you input. But Im calm. They'll be no yelling. Im looking forward to seeing her. We've texted but I miss her. Truth.