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when your fog has lifted after living the life you think you want and it doesn't make you happy, come back and we can help you.......
I for one am sad for you.........I think you will stay angry like you are and you will always have to justify something to someone with your new life, always going to be something, some event for the children......something that is always going to need an excuse or a reason............a life time of this will prove to make you unhappy.
try your new life with a new man and just watch how unimportant you are going to feel......love is a history that protects us from that.........what stops you from being happy is you............
see you when you find your way back, we can listen and help you if you were open and willing......
jessi

Last edited by jessitaylor; 06/01/11 07:06 AM.

BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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I struggle with many of the same things you do. OM is long gone but I sometimes wonder if I would be better off alone. I feel like I gave it all before and don't know if I have anything left.

BUT....

Once you jump off that cliff there is no going back. What can it hurt to delay any radical decision and just try. Don't you owe your family that?

You can get divorced tomorrow...just try today.

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Originally Posted By: itistoughlove
I have full custody of my four kids.

This is what my WH gave up because he wanted to be a bachelor again, and YES he gave up his kids for that life. Easy to do when you are a wayward!!!

My WH will now get to spend his visitations with my kids at a hotel. No way he is using my place! Nope, not my friend. I don't have liars, cheaters, and backstabbers as friends.

Adultery destroys lives.

a) He will never tuck his kids into their own beds again

b) He will never take a bath with his kids again.

c) He will never eat at a family table, read them a book, watch DVR, cook them their eggs, pancakes, or sausage

d) He will never help with their homework, attend their activities, shop at IKEA, do their hair, be there on their birthdays

e) He will not change their sheets, run through the sprinkler, go bike riding.

f) He will never lay in our Master bed again with all four babies cuddled up next to him.

g) He will never get to protect them in the middle of the night when a storm hits.

h) He will not be the one teaching them how to drive, ride their bikes, use a toothbrush, get their braces, understand the first menstrual period for his daughters, or show his sons how to be a man.

i) He won't know their dating life, prom life, or sports life.

j) He won't experience their first facebook page, cell phone, or wii.

k) He missed the first walk, the lose of the first tooth, and the first time his son said "Dada"

l) He only sees them through a camera, once/week for ten minutes.

m) He won't see their first or last day of school.

n) He will never hear the imaginary talk, the little whispers to their imaginary friend.

o) His Christmas's will now be in a hotel room, there will be no turkey, stuffing, pie, or juice.

p) He will never experience their flu, their ear infections, their fevers, or their stomach bugs.

q) His picture will not be on our Christmas cards, nope my new husband's face will be plastered their instead.

r) He will only buy their love now. He has nothing to give them.

s) He will be faced with eight eyeballs questioning their abandonment by him.

t) He will be faced with misery because his guilt will eat him alive.

u) If he ever remarries, she will not be one flesh with him. Nope - God doesn't make it one flesh for adultery. I was his one flesh only.

v) He will likely just abandon ship as my kids age. They tire of his abandonment now. Can you imagine how anoid they will be by the time they are teenagers?

w) His mom has also missed out, she is an accessory to his crime. She is an unrepentant MIL.

x) He cares nothing about their broken hearts or their broken home.

y) He will never get a wife, mother, or woman like me. I am one of a kind. Downright too honest, and my integrity speaks volumes

z) He is officially done. He now will die a slow and painful death because he tore himself in half. He will be forever chained to this horrific crime. Yep he is an unrepentant wayward

Onward and Upward - I have babies to raise. Good Night!


DAYUM GURL !!!!!!

I'm now a fan.

My H said to me:

"I saw visions of another man living in our house, raising our kids, married to you, and it killed me."

I think I love you Itstoughlove.
kiss

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband

My H said to me:

"I saw visions of another man living in our house, raising our kids, married to you, and it killed me."


I saw a very similar vision right after the OM offered to leave his wife and move across the country to be with me. I saw OM living in my house, raising my kids. I saw us shopping together in the stores I used to shop at with my H, running into people who knew me and my H, me having to explain to my 4 teenagers why there's some new guy in the house they're supposed to call "dad."

Almost made me throw up.

I think that's what did it for me, when the OM started talking like that. I pretty much said, "Wait a minute, buster, I've already got an entire life here, and you're not a part of it. That wasn't part of the deal."


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Originally Posted By: writer1


I pretty much said, "Wait a minute, buster, I've already got an entire life here, and you're not a part of it. That wasn't part of the deal."



This is EGG ZAK LEE correct!

It may not be a perfect life. Or, a perfect marriage.
But it is the life you've built together.
Warts and all.
And to run away from the life/marriage you've built would be a shame. A crying shame.

Marriage is a human growing environment.
It forces us to develop areas of ourselves like nothing else.

To run away is to arrest your own development.
Staying after infidelity has forced both Mr Pep and myself to LOOK AT OUR OWN BEHAVIORS .... and find solutions to our personal faults.
We grew as individuals because we did not try to escape our life. The life we built.

Running away is easy. And LAZY !
And immature. (NOT directed towards Writer, as you can tell)

Last edited by Pepperband; 06/01/11 01:35 PM.
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Pep - I am so touched by your response.

I wish my WH would look at the above list, and all that he will miss. Before he deployed and he abandoned us, the above was our life. We had a huge Master bed so all our kids could run in and cuddle.

I grieve for all the above. I try to beam my heart to his (we are still one flesh) and hope he can feel the pain and anguish in all that he will miss. Isn't life really just that? Who and what are we without those who love us the most?

We had a good life. I just pray today that when he returns from deployment and back to Virginia, the triggers of that place will do something.

God be with us! I am feeling good in Plan B. Some days better than others, but for the most part I feel good.

Cheers Tough~

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
It may not be a perfect life. Or, a perfect marriage.
But it is the life you've built together.
Warts and all.
And to run away from the life/marriage you've built would be a shame. A crying shame.

Marriage is a human growing environment.
It forces us to develop areas of ourselves like nothing else.

To run away is to arrest your own development.
Staying after infidelity has forced both Mr Pep and myself to LOOK AT OUR OWN BEHAVIORS .... and find solutions to our personal faults.
We grew as individuals because we did not try to escape our life. The life we built.
Running away is easy. And LAZY !..


AMEN Preach it Sista!! weightlifter

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The sad thing about running, is once you begin it's hard to stop.

My oldest sister ran, and ran, and ran, and ran... and at one point she got tired.

She began looking for a man. Not a man to be a husband, but a man to raise her children. They would need him after she committed suicide, after all.

Thankfully she never found that man.

However; to this day her first solution is always to run away rather than face a problem.

Sad thing is, that it was she that was the BS way back when...


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
..Sad thing is, that it was she that was the BS way back when...


Sounds sad and yes, hurt people hurt people, well most of the time, and if they are not hurting others, they hurt themselves, which comes around anyway.

I have seen how rejection has hurt others, and know how it effected me, and how I reacted then also. I think that is why when we are hurt and rejected, we look at ourself with this newfound critiria from the person who rejected us, and decide if it was bull, or if it was real, and try to adjust ourselfs accordingly. Seperating the truth from reality can take some time without help and we can make our lives so much worse banging our heads against the wall trying to fix what sometimes was not broken in the first place.

I believe tho that those willing to stop the cycle, and able to listen, sit still, search and think can find there way back home whithin themselves. When something hurts we are allways looking at it, gaurding ourself from more pain, and sometimes making up new rules and regulations to protect ourselves, thereby shutting ourself down, putting a shield to hard anyone to penetrate.

To get through some things it might take a lifetime, but you can allways run to the temporary security of someone else and use your new hard rules to keep them at bay and not really open up. There again is the dance around the truth, or honesty. But if you can dig deep enough and check your own heart against what you know you really want and need, the time alone is well spent.

I know the LAST thing I want is another relationship to fix me. To get what I deserved from the last one, to give me faith in love again. If I don't have faith in it at the start, how would I even recognize it then? I would like the past to stay there be able to talk about it for a little while if nessesary, but emotionally I would want amnesia about the triggers or fears from the past. I think that is the responsible way to go, and I wont accept any less for myself or my partner.

I may never get there, but I am not worried about missing out on anything, because if you have yourself, you have it all. Thats what gets lost in broken homes, half of your soul, untill the broken parts get picked up and put back together into someone wiser and stronger, who still wants to love and knows what that is.

Thats my story and I'm stickin' to it. Time heals all wounds.


Last edited by ConstantProcess; 06/01/11 06:39 PM. Reason: add alone
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand


However; to this day her first solution is always to run away rather than face a problem.



Very sad, this.

Growing older isn't all about getting wrinkles and sagging flesh, yanno?

We're supposed to encounter difficulties and adversity so we can develop our life skills. Add to our "tool box", if you will.

The "runners/escapists" have very limited coping skills.

But, more than that, facing difficulties in life deepens us in spiritual ways. Increases our understanding and appreciation of life, and how it all comes to an end one day.

People who run when the going gets tough prefer to swim in the shallow end of the pool.

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So, ready to start answering some questions? Princessmeggy had a few good ones:

Originally Posted By: princessmeggy
Out of curiosity, why choose to come back NOW and post on THIS particular thread since you were so adamant before that you were NOT coming back to MB? Who are you trying to impress with your "happiness"?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Quote:
I think it is time for a group hug because I promise you, there are so many worse things in life than a divorce and no matter what I still feel blessed.


Blessed is having a man who is willing to learn care for you and protect you, who is willing to forget the past and move on to a deeply romantic relationship, and who will cherish you and your children for the rest of his life -- all in spite of you having stabbed him in the back.

Blessed is your children growing up in a stable, strong home, with two parents who love each other deeply. Blessed is having the strong family ties that will last through generations. Blessed is one day being able to enjoy your grandchildren together -- sitting on the porch, watching them play, while his arm is wrapped tightly around your shoulders.

Look around you. You have broken your home. You are on OM2 already, with OM3 just around the corner. God has not blessed you. He has taken your blessings away, and is protecting them far away from you.

You were blessed.

Last edited by Prisca; 10/12/11 05:16 PM.

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What to do with an Angry Husband

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struggling, there was little point in you coming back and posting on MB when you refuse to believe or apply any of the concepts. What was your point? Why do you feel the need to justify your "blessed" new life to a bunch of nameless, faceless strangers?

You *had* a blessing, as Prisca pointed out. A blessing of a forgiving BH. We - I say we, because I was wayward, as you are - don't deserve such a blessing. And I don't have that...yet you did, and you threw it away. It's something I cannot even fathom.

You came back b/c you wanted attention, and sad to say I was suckered in and am giving you attention. That's all these OM are to you, attention...and they will give it, as long as you give them what they want from you. But it won't be fulfilling. All you have is a fantasy. Once "real life" starts creeping in...bills...child custody exchanges...daily chores...all the "mundane-ness" of day-to-day life...the fantasy will end, and you'll be left with...nothing.

When if you stop and think about it, what makes life truly special is having someone to share the mundane with. Someone who thinks you are beautiful, even when you are slogging around in sweatpants and an old baggy t-shirt, despite the gray hairs and stretch marks. Fantasy ends, and you end up...alone.


FWW

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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I'm going to take a different tack, here, and I hope I am right. Struggling, I think your soul drove you back here. I think that, somewhere in your delusion of feeling 'blessed' in your life, a tiny part of your soul is weeping for lost peace and memories. That little part of your soul is small, but very powerful. It's part of what people feel when they've done something terribly wrong. That little part of your soul is driving you back here, where it knows there is safety.

I'm just waiting to see which is the victor: your selfishness or your soul.

I told you once before that I had hope for you. I still do. The fact that you came back here to argue with us and try to justify yourself tells me there is hope.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Where is she posting? I don't see anything on this thread. Or am I totally missing it?


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
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Originally Posted By: HopefulNC
Where is she posting? I don't see anything on this thread. Or am I totally missing it?


She was on another poster's thread in 101 so to stop the threadjack Prisca revived this thread.

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Originally Posted By: SmilingWoman
Originally Posted By: HopefulNC
Where is she posting? I don't see anything on this thread. Or am I totally missing it?


She was on another poster's thread in 101 so to stop the threadjack Prisca revived this thread.


Ooops, it was in the After Divorce thread...'Never in my Wildest Dreams'.

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The old Shakespeare,(I Think it was him), saying comes back to me when I think about this woman posting when she is still un-repentant.

"Me thinks thou protests too much"..

If she was truly convinced she was right, she would not come here and waste her time, or ours either.

She is wishing and not doing what is nessesary for change, and that is knowing you are lost, and require instruction. How blessed she is to have such friends that are here, who will give her the truth.

Struggingazz, us humans may run out of patience, God does not, but you will also suffer the consequences of your decsions.

May the morning come soon that you change your mind, and join the human race, that is by the way, very human indeed.

We will not change our convictions, and truthfully, you don't want us to either. That is why you are here, to test our resolve, you want what you hear on this board, and you just can't beleive its true.

I hope you break soon, because humility is needed for you, and it is allright, we understand, the wayward heart is very cold and calculating, and bent in so many different directions, harder than stone.

Consider others, as they consider you also.

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Thanks, I found it.

I feel so sorry for her BH.


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
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Just a thought while contemplating SAZ's cowardice and dishonesty in trying to t/j another's thread when her own is so....bereft.....of reason and rationality......

Does anyone remember 1984 by George Orwell? (Liars! All you guys remember pages 104 - 105!) I'm thinking of the scene in which the visage of the villain-du-jour was displayed on movie-screens, and spectators were encouraged to pelt the screen with garbage, etc, screaming insults and imprecations at the ogre. This was called the "Two-Minute-Hate" and was thought to be a good release for the day-to-day angers and frustrations of the masses.

Anyway, for that reason, I'm grateful that persons such as SAZ and WoS2 exist here, to give us a "face" of the wickedness, selfishness, and unmitigated evil that yielding to the compulsion toward infidelity can generate.

Oh, well, back to more important threads.......

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